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XaldinLance

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XaldinLance

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XaldinLance's favorite FMLs

Today, I was screamed at and told that I was denying someone's "second amendment" by not letting him through with a gun. I work at the border; he was trying to enter Canada. This is not the first time, and it probably won't be the last. FML

#20586134
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39965) - you deserved it (4853)

On 04/12/2013 at 6:23am - work - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went to the bank to find out why they've taken $200 from me. By the time I show them my bank card, ID and tell them my problem, they accuse me of stealing my own identity, and refuse to give me my money back. FML

#20561553
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32464) - you deserved it (2091)

On 03/26/2013 at 9:37pm - money - by arsenicalhumor (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, a man attempted to sue my business for giving him food poisoning. I make soap. When I called the cops on him for disturbing the peace, I was told, "Maybe next time you'll put 'not edible' on your label." FML

#20561443
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31929) - you deserved it (3290)

On 03/26/2013 at 8:10pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML

#20550602
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47809) - you deserved it (21503)

On 03/19/2013 at 8:31am - intimacy - by fredo (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my department found out that we're getting a new supervisor for the third time this month. I joked about how we're like "the foster kid nobody wants." One of my coworkers burst into tears and ran off. I later found out that she had been a foster child and never once had a stable home. FML

#20550513
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32947) - you deserved it (26739)

On 03/19/2013 at 5:59am - work - by Luke - United States (New York)

Today, it's my third night of finally living on my own in a house. I can't count the number of times I have run to my knife and pepper spray after hearing "suspicious" sounds. Maybe I'm not ready to be an adult after all. FML

#20550428
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28285) - you deserved it (8221)

On 03/19/2013 at 2:32am - misc - by nearly20yetasfearfulasatoddlerhavingnightmares (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while working in childcare, we went to a farm so the kids could see how things worked. They started showing off prize winning cattle and when they bought out "Miss Stacey", the kids lost their shit. My name is Miss Stacey. FML

#20550321
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31799) - you deserved it (2794)

On 03/19/2013 at 1:00am - work - by seriously! - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my superstitious girlfriend of 4 years sneezed in the middle of my proposal. She claimed it was a sign from the universe for us to break up and then immediately left. FML

#20550300
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43217) - you deserved it (3274)

On 03/19/2013 at 12:40am - love - by lanz4949 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had an interview for a job I really wanted. On my resume, I wrote that I speak conversational Spanish, although I don't. When I arrived for the interview, my interviewer decided to conduct it in Spanish. FML

#20549811
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8025) - you deserved it (82884)

On 03/18/2013 at 7:42pm - work - by nohablaespanol - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me for months. It all started while I was in the hospital, he says, because we were supposed to go out that day, but then I "had to go and get sick". He blames my emergency surgery for his infidelity. FML

#20547926
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37065) - you deserved it (2757)

On 03/17/2013 at 4:12pm - love - by need an appendickectomy (woman) - Finland

Today, while serving two middle-aged women at the coffee shop, I was screamed at and accused of being a "sexist and chauvinistic bastard." This was prompted by me charging one of them 40 cents for the addition of steamed milk, which is clearly stated on the price sheet. FML

#20547816
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29125) - you deserved it (2191)

On 03/17/2013 at 3:00pm - work - by innocentbarista (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was outside at a café and looked at my phone. When I did, a woman halfway across the patio started screaming at me, demanding I tell her who I was texting and why. She then sprinted over, furious at me for apparently badmouthing her to somebody. All I did was check the time. FML

#20547346
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36289) - you deserved it (2551)

On 03/17/2013 at 7:00am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I advised my daughter to not drink a Coke before bed. She smiled at me and reassured me that it could be balanced out with sleeping pills. I'm raising a future drug addict. FML

#20547328
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32630) - you deserved it (6798)

On 03/17/2013 at 6:25am - kids - by hejdixjeln - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out through his Facebook update and a text message that my fiancé demoted me to girlfriend status. I was sitting in the next room. FML

#20547323
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30472) - you deserved it (2727)

On 03/17/2013 at 6:14am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML

#20547294
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28081) - you deserved it (49176)

On 03/17/2013 at 5:07am - intimacy - by Cliché... or Touché? -



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