Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

XaldinLance

Search for a member

XaldinLance

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 778
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

XaldinLance's FML badges

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

See all of XaldinLance's badges

XaldinLance's favorite FMLs

Today... I was at mah little girl's concert. She plays the clarinet... and in the middle of her solo... her phone started ringing. She decided to stop... check her phone... and continue playing. FML

#20602988
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42662) - you deserved it (12731)

On 04/18/2013 at 7:01pm - kids - by Aberrombie Blue - United States (New Hampshire)

Today , after years of loaning my mother countless amounts of cash that never get paid back , borrowing $60 from her , and bieng just one day late paying it off due to food poisoning , she sends a very large man to my door to collect , like she's Tony Soprano. FML

#20601228
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44974) - you deserved it (4470)

On 04/18/2013 at 12:01am - money - by some people's parents - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had to explain to a womanhy she wasn't allowed to squeeze all the contents of the sample lotion bottle into her own bottle. She threw a fit, and dumped thehole bottle on mah head. FML

#20601226
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42520) - you deserved it (3719)

On 04/18/2013 at 12:00am - work - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

yesterday my grlfriend told me tat se's a lesbian!! And tat se could only stay wit me because I ad a "grly face and voice"!! Se also admitted to aving a crus on my sister!!

#20600192
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56687) - you deserved it (4818)

On 04/17/2013 at 7:01pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Yesterday... I got ancestry DNA tests 4 my parents an myself. The DNA testing company informed me that I'm a 50% match 4 my mother but I share no DNA with my father. Apparently... both my parents forgot that they used a sperm donor. This insignificant detail has slipped there minds 4 35 yeres. FML

#20600180
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46400) - you deserved it (2900)

On 04/17/2013 at 6:56pm - misc - by Flora (woman) - United States (California)

Today mah mother met mah in-laws 4 the first time. She had been an alcoholic and had us sent to foster care 15 years ago. My husband told his parent this behind mah back ahile ago. When they askd her about it , she denid everything. His entire family now think I lie 4 attention. real FML

#20600031
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38989) - you deserved it (4013)

On 04/17/2013 at 5:57pm - misc - by the attention seeker (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I lerend two things. Frst, mah grlfriend loves sex. Second, I'm practically the only one she hasn't had sex with in the 2 month we've been dating. FML

#20598610
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58539) - you deserved it (5685)

On 04/17/2013 at 2:14am - love - by rawdoglyfe69 - United States (Montana)

Today, virginal girlfriend of a year graduated from veterinary school. She can shove her arm shoulder-deep up a cow's ass without blinking, but still feels too insecure to even touch penis. FML

#20596452
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68892) - you deserved it (17914)

On 04/16/2013 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by Gurior - Canada

Today, my girlfriend confessd that she had drunkenly slept with another guy last night. Since she seemd genuinely upset, and had confessd right away, I decidd to forgive her the slip-up. She then angrily broke up with me, because "if I really lovd her, I would've been more angry." fat FML

#20596072
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69251) - you deserved it (12192)

On 04/16/2013 at 9:27am - intimacy - by notacaveman (man) - Netherlands

Today, my usband told me tat e tinks I am getting a little eavy and may need to lay off te junk food. Te ultrasound is anging on our fridge. FML

#20595162
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57593) - you deserved it (5424)

On 04/15/2013 at 9:35pm - kids - by Mimi (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 25 year old brother dumpd all my underwear into the fireplace fir interrupting him while he was playing WoW . mega FML

#20593993
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42432) - you deserved it (11571)

On 04/15/2013 at 4:18pm - misc - by Kutakito (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

today mah husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news fir me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML

#20593773
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69088) - you deserved it (6158)

On 04/15/2013 at 2:36pm - love - by wow (woman) - Russian Federation (Saint Petersburg City)

Today, I told mah dad I'm pregnant. His response? ( It's only a phase, you'll get over it. ) FML

#20592767
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53318) - you deserved it (10251)

On 04/15/2013 at 2:04am - intimacy - by twinArmageddon2 - United States (California)

Today after weeks of insomnia I fell asleep. This would have been great if mah brother didn't wake me up at 3am screaming because his guild finally took down a raid boss. I'm now grounded fir thumping him and have to do all his choreshile sleep deprived. big fat FML

#20592535
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40961) - you deserved it (5058)

On 04/15/2013 at 12:32am - misc - by do your own ironing (woman) -

Today, My Scool Announced Its Senior Motto 4 Te Year. For Te Second Year In A Row, It's "YOLO". Real FML

#20586452
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47715) - you deserved it (5460)

On 04/12/2013 at 1:21pm - misc - by it's a wonder I'm not illiterate as fuck - United States (New Jersey)



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: