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XaldinLance

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XaldinLance

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XaldinLance's favorite FMLs

Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey. Except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML

#20634724
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61734) - you deserved it (4983)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two and a half years left me. To clear my head I decided to go for a drive. My car broke down on the way. The only mechanic I have ever used and trusted with my car is my boyfriend. Yes, I had to call him. FML

#20634352
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46478) - you deserved it (7469)

On 05/01/2013 at 4:21am - love - by brigie - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my parents finally got married. At the after-party, my mother got drunk and informed me that even though she and my father were now married, it doesn't change the fact that I'm still a bastard. FML

#20631493
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43012) - you deserved it (3277)

On 04/29/2013 at 9:57pm - kids - by SierraCheyenne (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my fiancée broke off our engagement. For some bizarre reason, she'd hidden a pair of expensive boots and her iPad underneath our ride-on mower. I turned the mower on and destroyed both without realizing it. According to her, the fault is all mine. FML

#20630400
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51718) - you deserved it (3538)

On 04/29/2013 at 2:07pm - love - by Wow. Really? - United States (Ohio)

Today, my ten-year-old sister had to write out my job application because no one can read my terrible handwriting. FML

#20628506
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22148) - you deserved it (34850)

On 04/28/2013 at 7:40pm - work - by AbhorrentApplication (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to go to the hospital for an allergic reaction. Turns out, I'm highly allergic to cherry blossoms. My wife and I just bought a house and moved into a new neighborhood. Almost every block in this neighborhood, including my own, has rows and rows of cherry blossom trees. FML

#20628272
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42083) - you deserved it (3101)

On 04/28/2013 at 6:10pm - health - by verycherryfucked (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to explain to a friend that the show writers for Glee did not write "Bohemian Rhapsody" and that Freddie Mercury did not steal the song from them. We're both 17 years old, and she reacted by kicking a chair at me. FML

#20626458
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42911) - you deserved it (3023)

On 04/27/2013 at 11:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my little brother gave me an open jar of peanut butter for my birthday. I'm deathly allergic, and he knows it. Despite his maniacal grin and snickering, my parents said it was an innocent mistake, and grounded me for yelling at him. FML

#20625530
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51321) - you deserved it (3257)

On 04/27/2013 at 4:23pm - health - by stuckwithafamilyofcunts (woman) - Spain (Comunidad Valenciana)

Today, my son had to help out at the local retirement home for his community service. He got in serious trouble and came whining to me about it after he tried threatening some of the residents into taking part in a Harlem Shake video. FML

#20623837
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40152) - you deserved it (5656)

On 04/26/2013 at 8:21pm - kids - by Shitty genes, no two ways about it. (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, at work, I was screamed at and slapped by a woman for supposedly violating her 2nd Amendment rights. In reality, I'd simply turned her away from the 10 items or less line because she had well over the allowed number of items. I've no fucking idea what's wrong with some people. FML

#20623583
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45572) - you deserved it (3014)

On 04/26/2013 at 6:03pm - work - by fuck you walmart (woman) - United States

Today, I was yelled at and called a pedophile by a mom for talking to her 5 year old girl. I work at a library and she looked like she needed help. This is the third time it has happened. FML

#20621829
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44295) - you deserved it (3598)

On 04/25/2013 at 9:37pm - kids - by LibraryPedo (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were planning how to spend the day together. When I suggested we start off with some fun in bed, then get some pizza and play his favorite video game, he sighed, "Can't we just go straight to gaming?" FML

#20613403
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58849) - you deserved it (7876)

On 04/22/2013 at 4:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was feeling really sick at work. I messaged my boss whether his girlfriend, who also works there, could cover me. He then came down, shouting at me that whatever illness I have, I've also passed on to his girlfriend. I'm pregnant. FML

#20612786
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46760) - you deserved it (3362)

On 04/22/2013 at 9:22am - work - by work -_- - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, someone at my workplace yelled at me and filed a complaint for staring at them too often. I'm a lifeguard. FML

#20604138
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42541) - you deserved it (3983)

On 04/19/2013 at 1:07am - work - by lamelifeguard - United States (Colorado)



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