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XaldinLance

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XaldinLance

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XaldinLance's favorite FMLs

Today, while driving my grandma home from a family dinner, I had to pull into a gas station, because my tank was almost empty. She became convinced that someone would kidnap her while I went to pay, and eventually threatened to blow us up by tossing her lighter at the gas pumps. FML

#20648219
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42219) - you deserved it (3142)

On 05/07/2013 at 6:13pm - misc - by fuckingjesusgran (man) - Bosnia and Herzegovina (Federation of Bosnia and Herzego)

Today, I was out jogging, when I saw a girl fall off her bike and start crying. I ran over to see if she was hurt. Apparently her neighbour thought I was trying to kidnap her, because he ran out with a baseball bat and threatened to beat me to death if I didn't get lost. FML

#20647971
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45862) - you deserved it (2726)

On 05/07/2013 at 4:21pm - kids - by bet a woman would've been thanked (man) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, my nose started running while in bed with my boyfriend. I kept trying to wipe it off with my arm to avoid ruining the moment. My boyfriend then looks up at me in horror. Turns out it wasn't mucus; it was blood. And it was all over his neck, his shirt, and his silk sheets. FML

#20647224
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61915) - you deserved it (11937)

On 05/07/2013 at 3:29am - intimacy - by Sirah90 (woman) - United States

Today, after spending a week defending my marriage to everyone, I found out my husband has an addiction I never knew about. Hookers. FML

#20646861
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56428) - you deserved it (6479)

On 05/06/2013 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I tried lying to my parents for the first time. My mother is a neuroscientist and my father is a psychologist. Somehow, they managed to make me admit that I was lying before I'd even finished. FML

#20646351
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30810) - you deserved it (39733)

On 05/06/2013 at 8:52pm - misc - by blondie107 - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML

#20645667
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51610) - you deserved it (8554)

On 05/06/2013 at 3:58pm - intimacy - by stretchy - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found out that my wife is having an affair with the same guy my ex-wife left me for. FML

#20645479
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (88127) - you deserved it (5514)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:13pm - love - by Anonymous - Ireland (Donegal)

Today, I was feeling down about being stuck in bed after ankle surgery. I thought I would go ahead and call my boss and let him know everything went well. He said the obligatory nice things, then told me that if I'm not at work on Monday, I'll be fired. I can't even get out of bed. FML

#20638400
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44553) - you deserved it (3039)

On 05/03/2013 at 1:35am - work - by clutzasaurus (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, marks the third week in which my girlfriend has gone without taking a shower. She does this every so often, taking showers roughly once per month. She's convinced baby wipes will "hold her over". FML

#20638375
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52770) - you deserved it (9003)

On 05/03/2013 at 1:16am - love - by SingleStrongArm - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

#20637691
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60441) - you deserved it (9132)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I walked in on my sister apparently trying to eat herself out. FML

#20637584
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69777) - you deserved it (7851)

On 05/02/2013 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by future brain bleach addict (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I'm on holiday in Ghana. After having worn an anklet I bought here for the past two weeks, I was told that it's used by the local prostitutes to advertise their trade. FML

#20637157
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45969) - you deserved it (7141)

On 05/02/2013 at 3:59pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ghana (Greater Accra)

Today, I had a giant Scantron test. After putting 10 answers, I noticed every single answer was A. I got freaked out and started putting random answers. Turns out every answer on the test was A. I failed. FML

#20636525
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27820) - you deserved it (50008)

On 05/02/2013 at 7:02am - work - by FireoftheFuture - United States

Today, the neighbors in the next apartment reported me to the police for screaming at my newborn to "shut the hell up" every time he cries. I would never yell at my baby. My asshole of a dog on the other hand barks at everything, which terrifies the baby, causing him to cry. FML

Today, my mom accused me of being pregnant. She wouldn't believe me when I told her I'm a virgin, and she challenged me to take a pregnancy test. It came back with a false positive. FML

#20634792
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58186) - you deserved it (4191)

On 05/01/2013 at 1:23pm - health - by DemiRawrs - United States



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