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XPhoenixFire

Offline (the 05/20/2015 at 7:28pm) | Search for a member

XPhoenixFire

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3510
  • Number of comments : 41
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About XPhoenixFire : Sarcasm is key.

XPhoenixFire's page activity

Visits<b>awesome14</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 9:54pm<b>emxy92</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 4:36am<b>BigL99</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 9:40am<b>sk8s4d8s</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 10:39am<b>LyonDetreny</b> - the 04/08/2015 at 11:03am<b>Sara95</b> - the 04/08/2015 at 8:44am<b>Kitty_Kat44</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 8:36pm<b>Steffi3</b> - the 03/31/2015 at 4:17pm<b>jpsullivan</b> - the 03/31/2015 at 6:11am<b>knightofdarkness</b> - the 03/31/2015 at 2:27am<b>myselfkk</b> - the 03/30/2015 at 2:16pm<b>limitedition</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 11:27pm<b>MetalxSoldier</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 3:15pm<b>oldmanringo</b> - the 03/22/2015 at 1:30am<b>Jake42100</b> - the 03/21/2015 at 11:52am<b>saifnaqvi11</b> - the 03/21/2015 at 9:32am<b>I_see_your_anger</b> - the 03/18/2015 at 9:20pm<b>psshhh</b> - the 03/18/2015 at 5:07pm

Fucked!<b>devildog562</b> - the 10/31/2014 at 8:15pm<b>thebigtwinkie</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 5:42pm

XPhoenixFire's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of XPhoenixFire's badges

XPhoenixFire's favorite FMLs

Today, I had the most rancid fart. My dog woke up from his nap and bit me as punishment. FML

#21412078
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22702) - you deserved it (6400)

On 05/18/2015 at 4:40pm - misc - by Swabidizop - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to ask if I wanted to get donuts. FML

#21411735
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24625) - you deserved it (3704)

On 05/17/2015 at 10:54pm - intimacy - by fuckingdonuts - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was supporting my aunt as she gave birth. She was getting tired during the pushing stage, so I tried to encourage her by making a show of pushing as well with each contraction. I got a little too into it and accidentally gave birth to a little turd of my own. FML

Today, I got a friend request on Facebook. It's from the person who crashed into my car earlier in the month. It's funny that she doesn't return my calls or messages, but liked my status about the accident. FML

#21409756
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26758) - you deserved it (1804)

On 05/13/2015 at 10:55pm - work - by iamgodzilla (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML

#21409743
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13872) - you deserved it (29527)

On 05/13/2015 at 10:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, while waitressing, I served a family with a little girl who was wearing a Frozen shirt. I told her I'm friends with Elsa and that she taught me to sing. The girl asked me to sing a song, so I did. Not even 5 seconds in, she started bawling. FML

#21408927
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26567) - you deserved it (10677)

On 05/12/2015 at 12:38pm - kids - by NotAPrincess - United States (California)

Today, my mother yelled at me, telling me I'm irresponsible and lecturing me on how I need to "plan ahead like an adult." All because I asked to borrow a tampon. FML

#21408920
131 comments

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend at work. Because she was "bored and didn't feel like seeing me" she thought it would be funny to call security and claim that I was stalking her. There is now a picture of my face at her workplace, and anytime I "pester her again" the cops will show up. FML

#21408859
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28407) - you deserved it (3807)

On 05/12/2015 at 8:53am - intimacy - by Darryl - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I went to work at my job as a CNA at a long-term care facility. I'm also on a medication that has a side effect of confusion. I had 3 residents with Alzheimer's tell me to 'get my shit together.' FML

Today, I learned I'm claustrophobic by having a raging oh-god-I'm-gonna-fucking-die panic attack while I was stuck inside an MRI scanner. FML

#21408444
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24839) - you deserved it (1982)

On 05/11/2015 at 3:39pm - health - by birchbeer - United States (California)

Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML

#21407637
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29031) - you deserved it (4267)

On 05/10/2015 at 4:40am - love - by gassygirlfriend - United States (Idaho)

Today, my drunken feminazi mother shouted to me at the top of her lungs, "All men are fucking assholes, and your new husband is no different!" during our wedding reception. All he did was ask her how she liked the salmon. FML

#21407591
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29847) - you deserved it (2623)

On 05/10/2015 at 2:00am - misc - by How's the salmon? - United States

Today, my grandmother came to visit and asked me, "Did you change your hair, or are you just fatter now?" FML

#21406084
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27099) - you deserved it (2558)

On 05/07/2015 at 7:01am - misc - by Chubby (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while out shopping with friends, I was apphrehended by two bounty hunters because they recognized my purple-dyed hair. Too bad my name isn't Natalie, who apparently shares the same hair color. They didn't believe me, even after I showed my ID. FML

Today, I heard a loud beep for over an hour. It didn't come from my phone or even an alarm of some sort. It was my son pretending to be a smoke alarm. FML



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