Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

XPhoenixFire

Online | Search for a member

XPhoenixFire

2Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3138
  • Number of comments : 36
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About XPhoenixFire : Sarcasm is key.

XPhoenixFire's page activity

Visits<b>Ghilliebro</b> - the 03/22/2015 at 6:00am<b>oldmanringo</b> - the 03/22/2015 at 1:30am<b>Jake42100</b> - the 03/21/2015 at 11:52am<b>saifnaqvi11</b> - the 03/21/2015 at 9:32am<b>I_see_your_anger</b> - the 03/18/2015 at 9:20pm<b>psshhh</b> - the 03/18/2015 at 5:07pm<b>Jay0501</b> - the 03/14/2015 at 2:03pm<b>ilovesarcasm</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 7:59am<b>Monday_funday</b> - the 02/11/2015 at 2:52pm<b>pureportedpear</b> - the 02/11/2015 at 11:17am<b>hazukilockheart</b> - the 02/01/2015 at 8:52am<b>jkp1291</b> - the 01/26/2015 at 12:29am<b>JackDupp</b> - the 01/14/2015 at 1:49pm<b>Posthuman</b> - the 01/12/2015 at 10:19pm<b>Toutejulie</b> - the 12/23/2014 at 7:02am<b>splash69</b> - the 11/29/2014 at 3:46pm<b>Dynosaur_dollie</b> - the 11/29/2014 at 10:47am<b>33Superman</b> - the 11/29/2014 at 1:27am

Liked!<b>devildog562</b> - the 10/31/2014 at 8:15pm<b>thebigtwinkie</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 5:42pm

XPhoenixFire's FML badges

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

See all of XPhoenixFire's badges

XPhoenixFire's favorite FMLs

Today, my maths class and I had to sit through a slideshow of photos of our teacher's cat. The cat's name is Mr Cat. FML

#21376941
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27185) - you deserved it (3464)

On 03/18/2015 at 5:44am - misc - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, after 4 years of nicely asking, I wrote an official memo to our logistics department, asking for new chairs for my subordinates. The logistics people came and concluded that there are more broken chairs than good ones, but suggested that perhaps we should all go on a diet. FML

#21372747
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25523) - you deserved it (2539)

On 03/11/2015 at 8:36pm - work - by Matei - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, my sister and I went to visit my grandma. She looked at my sister and said, "You are just so skinny! You need to eat more cookies!" She then turned to me and said, "You should lay off the cookies!" FML

Today, I went to the doctor, because I've been having stomach pains and nausea for weeks. He ended up gravely telling me I'm pregnant. I freaked out and panicked about what my parents would say. Then his laughter reminded me that I'm a guy. A really stupid one. FML

#21367918
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23366) - you deserved it (33004)

On 03/04/2015 at 10:03am - health - by actually just constipated.. and stupid - Tunisia

Today, my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his hands. After two years of being together, he was finally about to make me orgasm for the first time by himself. Just as I was reaching my peak, he orgasmed at the thought of finishing me off and stopped. FML

#21367801
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40388) - you deserved it (3430)

On 03/04/2015 at 2:55am - intimacy - by Highnapple - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was checking the family's computer history, and found that "Shrek Porn" had been searched multiple times. FML

#21365639
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29511) - you deserved it (3072)

On 03/01/2015 at 1:05am - misc - by mszoe - United States (California)

Today, I sharted during my wedding vows. FML

#21365151
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37718) - you deserved it (4505)

On 02/28/2015 at 9:16am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Nordjylland)

Today, my girlfriend said she was going to start appreciating the little things in life. She's starting with my penis. FML

#21364983
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33660) - you deserved it (4923)

On 02/28/2015 at 12:03am - intimacy - by FreshDonuts (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, while trying to sleep, I heard what sounded like someone breaking into my house. I ran downstairs, only to find my cat had ripped down my blinds and was tangled up in them, thrashing around the floor like a fish. FML

#21363021
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27500) - you deserved it (2834)

On 02/24/2015 at 11:33pm - animals - by Sarah1330 (woman) - United States

Today, I worked my boyfriend's shift so he could stay home. I even brought him the free meal I got for helping out. Turns out he wanted to stay home so badly to cheat on me. FML

#21362681
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36762) - you deserved it (2563)

On 02/24/2015 at 4:07pm - intimacy - by xxruby - United States (Texas)

Today, I hit my head on the steering wheel when I sneezed. I managed to honk the horn and the guy next to me couldn't stop laughing. FML

#21361311
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31782) - you deserved it (4520)

On 02/22/2015 at 8:41pm - misc - by headache - United States

Today, I came home from work to find that my girlfriend had sold all of my N64 and Atari games and both the consoles and bought me a PS4 with the money. While I was standing there in shock, she kissed me on the cheek and said, "I know, I'm the greatest." FML

#21361122
460 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44304) - you deserved it (4015)

On 02/22/2015 at 3:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my cousin that I would gladly help him through the loss of my aunt. That is until he started flirting with me. FML

#21358332
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29327) - you deserved it (2270)

On 02/17/2015 at 11:02pm - misc - by whateven333 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, the CEO of my company leaned over and said, "Hey, I've been meaning to thank you…" I thought he was going to thank me for all of my hard work, but he continued, "…for wearing that shirt today. I can totally see your boobs." FML

#21354210
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33046) - you deserved it (6073)

On 02/11/2015 at 4:51pm - work - by titsmcgee (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my caring way too much about proper grammar got out of hand when I corrected my girlfriend during a talk about her dying grandmother. FML

#21353788
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15773) - you deserved it (33873)

On 02/10/2015 at 11:58pm - misc - by randomdude3890 - United States (Nebraska)



FML's blog

  • Sidonie's illustrated FML
  • Hi gang! In this week's edition, some pedalos, some kittens, a bunch of gypsy singers, some ponytails, a crooner, a house that looks like Hitler, a joke about George W. Bush's cocaine habit and a brilliant…

Thursday 19 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: