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XPhoenixFire

Offline (22 hours ago) | Search for a member

XPhoenixFire

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1503
  • Number of comments : 24
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About XPhoenixFire : Im just a sarcastic bird

XPhoenixFire's page activity

Visits<b>missblove</b> - 19 hours ago<b>TheLiberalRiley</b> - yesterday at 3:21pm<b>Fishin_for_Coins</b> - the 10/21/2014 at 4:35pm<b>Camlin93</b> - the 10/21/2014 at 12:32pm<b>Punisher141</b> - the 10/21/2014 at 7:26am<b>PenguinBitch</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 1:15pm<b>devildog562</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 3:50pm<b>martin8337</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 12:56pm<b>TommyG493</b> - the 10/01/2014 at 10:53pm<b>AllThatXO</b> - the 09/21/2014 at 3:56am<b>PeaceTurtle</b> - the 09/18/2014 at 10:20pm<b>Nymphetamatrix</b> - the 09/18/2014 at 2:52pm<b>Lavakins1</b> - the 09/17/2014 at 10:06pm<b>TakDatWitU</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 2:01pm<b>Toughsky</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 10:48pm<b>thebigtwinkie</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 11:42am<b>Mindset</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 3:53pm<b>thedevilspawn</b> - the 09/05/2014 at 3:37pm

Liked!<b>thebigtwinkie</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 5:42pm

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XPhoenixFire's favorite FMLs

Today, my 17-year-old son managed to easily convince my 13-year-old daughter that if you have sex before getting married, you'll instantly get horrible diseases that will kill you. Her freaking out is how I found out she's not only gullible as hell, but sexually active as well. FML

#21283066
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31001) - you deserved it (3780)

On 10/22/2014 at 12:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML

#21281977
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26378) - you deserved it (4076)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:38pm - misc - by Anonymos_fmler - United States (Illinois)

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to hide in the washroom closet while I was taking a piss. I wasn't pissing, I was wanking. FML

#21281971
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30146) - you deserved it (8827)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by John (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I volunteered to tutor a 17-year-old girl in science. I had to explain in detail of what the real Big Bang theory was, as she only knew about the show. Later, I heard I was reported by her because apparently, "I was trying to convert her to Scientology." I now know why she needed a tutor. FML

Today, I fell asleep at my desk. It's bad enough that it was for 45 minutes and that I was snoring. What makes it worse? My boss woke me up. FML

#21274158
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28142) - you deserved it (13394)

On 10/09/2014 at 10:10am - work - by Sleepy (man) - United Kingdom (Hillingdon)

Today, it's the first day of fall. It's also the day that over 20 people have made jokes about my name being "Autumn" like they're the funniest, most original people alive. It's not even 8 am. This is going to be a long day. FML

#21263689
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31399) - you deserved it (2887)

On 09/23/2014 at 8:00am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out my wife named our son after her ex-lover. FML

#21260166
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38429) - you deserved it (2866)

On 09/17/2014 at 6:10pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at the restaurant where I work, a guest choked on a bone from her crosscut ribs. She asked me to bring the manager over, so I did. When he got there, she complained that the bone could have seriously injured her, and we should be more careful of where we put the bones in the ribs. FML

#21256772
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39168) - you deserved it (2562)

On 09/12/2014 at 4:05am - work - by Diachronic (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, my daughter was going to Bulk Barn so I asked her to pick me up something to snack on. When she got home, she brought over a bag and without listening to her explain what it was, I began eating it. She looked at me confused, then began laughing. It was a dog treat. FML

#21256734
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19889) - you deserved it (25515)

On 09/12/2014 at 1:50am - misc - by oops... - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

#21255419
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41924) - you deserved it (11672)

On 09/09/2014 at 11:16pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I complimented a guy on his beard. His response? "Thanks. Wanna sit on it?" FML

Today, I dreamed I was wrestling an alligator. I quickly woke up to my girlfriend yelling and me holding her in a headlock. FML

#21247589
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37316) - you deserved it (5007)

On 08/29/2014 at 12:16am - misc - by AgentOrion - United States (Alabama)

Today, my new boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. He started whispering in my ear, but I couldn't understand him. He pushed me away and ignored me the rest of the night. Apparently it's a huge turn-off that I can't talk dirty in Klingon. FML

#21246884
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42887) - you deserved it (4937)

On 08/28/2014 at 12:34am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was playing Mario Kart with my wife. I threw a blue shell and it hit her. She then refused to speak to me for three hours straight until right before bedtime when she called me a bastard and told me to sleep on the couch. FML

#21244858
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42871) - you deserved it (7391)

On 08/25/2014 at 1:44am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, our dishwasher door broke. My mom made me sit there for an hour straight, holding the door shut so it would work. FML



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