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XPhoenixFire

Offline (the 01/27/2015 at 1:19am) | Search for a member

XPhoenixFire

2Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2270
  • Number of comments : 31
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About XPhoenixFire : Sarcasm is key.

XPhoenixFire's page activity

Visits<b>jkp1291</b> - the 01/26/2015 at 12:29am<b>JackDupp</b> - the 01/14/2015 at 1:49pm<b>Posthuman</b> - the 01/12/2015 at 10:19pm<b>Toutejulie</b> - the 12/23/2014 at 7:02am<b>splash69</b> - the 11/29/2014 at 3:46pm<b>Dynosaur_dollie</b> - the 11/29/2014 at 10:47am<b>33Superman</b> - the 11/29/2014 at 1:27am<b>patrickeli</b> - the 11/28/2014 at 11:44pm<b>PenguinBitch</b> - the 11/28/2014 at 11:01pm<b>dzhonatan</b> - the 11/28/2014 at 10:15pm<b>kuntry_once</b> - the 11/27/2014 at 5:37am<b>Toughsky</b> - the 11/27/2014 at 2:16am<b>184886837272837</b> - the 11/26/2014 at 6:36pm<b>origamidragon</b> - the 11/26/2014 at 6:28pm<b>WolfyGrace</b> - the 11/24/2014 at 8:15am<b>Senorangelo</b> - the 11/22/2014 at 6:41pm<b>tampabayfan</b> - the 11/22/2014 at 1:03am<b>Enslaved</b> - the 11/22/2014 at 12:17am

Liked!<b>devildog562</b> - the 10/31/2014 at 8:15pm<b>thebigtwinkie</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 5:42pm

XPhoenixFire's FML badges

Inception

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I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

See all of XPhoenixFire's badges

XPhoenixFire's favorite FMLs

Today, my father was playing with my son and his toy animals. He picked one up and said, "What is this? Some kind of African horse?" It was a zebra. FML

Today, I was having a cheat meal after 2 weeks of strict dieting. When I opened the pizza box, I saw a cockroach. It'd been baked into the cheese. FML

#21332565
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34433) - you deserved it (6664)

On 01/07/2015 at 7:11am - misc - by ijustwantpizza - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got stuck in an elevator. I called the fire department and told them where I was. They said they'd be right there and not to panic. It's hour 6. FML

#21332463
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33137) - you deserved it (2035)

On 01/07/2015 at 1:03am - health - by random875 - United States (Maryland)

Today, my friends and I were talking about our celebrity lookalikes. We decided that my friends all had attractive celebrity lookalikes, including Scarlett Johansson and Hayden Panettiere. When it was my turn, they decided that my "celebrity" lookalike is the Pillsbury Doughboy. FML

#21330766
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25978) - you deserved it (3274)

On 01/04/2015 at 4:53pm - misc - by KD (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went into labor and got my husband drive me to the hospital. Instead of staying by my side, he rushed back home for a World of Warcraft raid. His excuse? His friends were counting on him and they'd be pissed if he let them down. FML

#21330209
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40733) - you deserved it (5060)

On 01/03/2015 at 8:30pm - health - by Lady Cuntsnatch of Fallopia (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time in over a month. When I came, I thrust one last time and let out a huge fart. She couldn't keep her mouth shut about it, and now all our friends keep calling me "CumFart". FML

#21329462
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33382) - you deserved it (6738)

On 01/02/2015 at 4:53pm - intimacy - by I'll Make You FartCum (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend finally played the new guitar I bought to replace the one he broke. He used a $1000 guitar to play me a moving song about my butt. FML

#21328639
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23880) - you deserved it (4652)

On 01/01/2015 at 1:16pm - love - by ButtWorthSingingBout (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my proposal to my girlfriend was supposed to be exactly when the ball dropped at midnight. Unfortunately my mother called her at 11:55pm to ask her if she liked the ring. FML

#21328278
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40573) - you deserved it (3205)

On 01/01/2015 at 12:47am - love - by Proposal Fail - United States (New York)

Today, at Christmas dinner, my grandmother talked about the death of every single dog she ever had. All 10 of them. FML

#21323815
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29637) - you deserved it (2459)

On 12/25/2014 at 6:47am - misc - by dunn76 - United States

Today, my brother and I woke up early to get a sneak peek at our Christmas presents. We found our parents having sex on the couch. FML

#21323779
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33957) - you deserved it (13316)

On 12/25/2014 at 4:13am - intimacy - by VCDUDE11FTW - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got a new downstairs neighbor. Herpes. FML

#21318606
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24386) - you deserved it (33146)

On 12/16/2014 at 4:04pm - health - by fuck - Norway (Buskerud)

Today, I needed to take a dump at school. As soon as I sat down, somebody else walked in. I'm extremely poop-shy, so I was forced to wait for several minutes while they styled their hair and applied makeup. After they left, I breathed a sigh of relief. Then someone else walked in. FML

#21318557
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29848) - you deserved it (6968)

On 12/16/2014 at 2:26pm - misc - by privatebathroomneeded - United States (California)

Today, my mom wouldn't let me go to the YMCA pool with the rest of the family. She said that the sound my thighs make when they rub together is "embarrassing". FML

#21317143
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35494) - you deserved it (4333)

On 12/14/2014 at 2:07am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML

#21315694
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35397) - you deserved it (4278)

On 12/11/2014 at 4:47pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out my boyfriend uses a period tracker app to find out when we can fuck. FML

#21315592
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31560) - you deserved it (6221)

On 12/11/2014 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by Anon - Ireland (Cork)



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