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XPhoenixFire

Offline (the 11/21/2014 at 8:27pm) | Search for a member

XPhoenixFire

2Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1646
  • Number of comments : 30
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About XPhoenixFire : Im just a sarcastic bird

XPhoenixFire's page activity

Visits<b>Senorangelo</b> - yesterday at 6:41pm<b>tampabayfan</b> - yesterday at 1:03am<b>Enslaved</b> - yesterday at 12:17am<b>1PersonIsMyWorld</b> - the 11/21/2014 at 6:51pm<b>MrConcise</b> - the 11/21/2014 at 4:51pm<b>_Lenah_</b> - the 11/20/2014 at 10:39pm<b>lulinator</b> - the 11/20/2014 at 7:44pm<b>Ley135</b> - the 11/09/2014 at 10:57pm<b>missblove</b> - the 11/01/2014 at 5:06am<b>lonevenom</b> - the 11/01/2014 at 4:09am<b>JS47</b> - the 11/01/2014 at 12:18am<b>devildog562</b> - the 10/31/2014 at 3:14pm<b>TheLiberalRiley</b> - the 10/22/2014 at 3:21pm<b>Fishin_for_Coins</b> - the 10/21/2014 at 4:35pm<b>Camlin93</b> - the 10/21/2014 at 12:32pm<b>Punisher141</b> - the 10/21/2014 at 7:26am<b>PenguinBitch</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 1:15pm<b>martin8337</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 12:56pm

Liked!<b>devildog562</b> - the 10/31/2014 at 8:15pm<b>thebigtwinkie</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 5:42pm

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XPhoenixFire's favorite FMLs

Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML

#21301160
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29862) - you deserved it (2335)

On 11/18/2014 at 12:35am - animals - by blindsparrow - United States (California)

Today, my neighbor's five-year-old rode his tricycle into a history diorama I had spent days slaving over. When I confronted him, he just said, "Vroom vroom muthafucka." FML

Today, while having some "personal" time, I felt intense pleasure and moaned. I learned that my own moaning prevents me from reaching my peak. I'm my own turn off. FML

#21290790
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33094) - you deserved it (4876)

On 11/02/2014 at 8:31pm - intimacy - by SelfServiced - United States (California)

Today, I was pulled over and fined $100 for driving without a license, as I'd accidentally left home without my wallet. I later found my wallet wedged beside my car seat, where it had been the entire time. FML

#21288966
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31101) - you deserved it (5673)

On 10/31/2014 at 9:35am - money - by emptypockets - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, as I was walking home from work, I got chased halfway home by a wolf. Yes, a wolf. I live in central Norway. FML

#21288944
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33745) - you deserved it (2551)

On 10/31/2014 at 8:31am - animals - by noxiffic (man) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, my boyfriend told my four-year-old sister that "fatass" means "beautiful lady." I didn't know about this until I took my sister shopping with me. The woman at the till said she was adorable; my sister replied, "Thanks, fatass." FML

#21288917
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31122) - you deserved it (2603)

On 10/31/2014 at 6:55am - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff)

Today, my friend thought she would "save me some time" by spoiling Game of Thrones. FML

#21288916
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28106) - you deserved it (3692)

On 10/31/2014 at 6:46am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, my 17-year-old son managed to easily convince my 13-year-old daughter that if you have sex before getting married, you'll instantly get horrible diseases that will kill you. Her freaking out is how I found out she's not only gullible as hell, but sexually active as well. FML

#21283066
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41098) - you deserved it (5014)

On 10/22/2014 at 12:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML

#21281977
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29913) - you deserved it (4751)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:38pm - misc - by Anonymos_fmler - United States (Illinois)

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to hide in the washroom closet while I was taking a piss. I wasn't pissing, I was wanking. FML

#21281971
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36029) - you deserved it (10984)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by John (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I volunteered to tutor a 17-year-old girl in science. I had to explain in detail of what the real Big Bang theory was, as she only knew about the show. Later, I heard I was reported by her because apparently, "I was trying to convert her to Scientology." I now know why she needed a tutor. FML

Today, I fell asleep at my desk. It's bad enough that it was for 45 minutes and that I was snoring. What makes it worse? My boss woke me up. FML

#21274158
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28343) - you deserved it (13452)

On 10/09/2014 at 10:10am - work - by Sleepy (man) - United Kingdom (Hillingdon)

Today, it's the first day of fall. It's also the day that over 20 people have made jokes about my name being "Autumn" like they're the funniest, most original people alive. It's not even 8 am. This is going to be a long day. FML

#21263689
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31446) - you deserved it (2891)

On 09/23/2014 at 8:00am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out my wife named our son after her ex-lover. FML

#21260166
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38543) - you deserved it (2871)

On 09/17/2014 at 6:10pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at the restaurant where I work, a guest choked on a bone from her crosscut ribs. She asked me to bring the manager over, so I did. When he got there, she complained that the bone could have seriously injured her, and we should be more careful of where we put the bones in the ribs. FML

#21256772
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39190) - you deserved it (2566)

On 09/12/2014 at 4:05am - work - by Diachronic (man) - United States (Idaho)



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