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XPhoenixFire

Offline (the 12/17/2014 at 3:42pm) | Search for a member

XPhoenixFire

2Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1881
  • Number of comments : 31
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About XPhoenixFire : Im just a sarcastic bird

XPhoenixFire's page activity

Visits<b>Posthuman</b> - the 12/17/2014 at 10:16am<b>splash69</b> - the 11/29/2014 at 3:46pm<b>Dynosaur_dollie</b> - the 11/29/2014 at 10:47am<b>33Superman</b> - the 11/29/2014 at 1:27am<b>patrickeli</b> - the 11/28/2014 at 11:44pm<b>PenguinBitch</b> - the 11/28/2014 at 11:01pm<b>dzhonatan</b> - the 11/28/2014 at 10:15pm<b>kuntry_once</b> - the 11/27/2014 at 5:37am<b>Toughsky</b> - the 11/27/2014 at 2:16am<b>184886837272837</b> - the 11/26/2014 at 6:36pm<b>origamidragon</b> - the 11/26/2014 at 6:28pm<b>WolfyGrace</b> - the 11/24/2014 at 8:15am<b>Senorangelo</b> - the 11/22/2014 at 6:41pm<b>tampabayfan</b> - the 11/22/2014 at 1:03am<b>Enslaved</b> - the 11/22/2014 at 12:17am<b>1PersonIsMyWorld</b> - the 11/21/2014 at 6:51pm<b>MrConcise</b> - the 11/21/2014 at 4:51pm<b>_Lenah_</b> - the 11/20/2014 at 10:39pm

Liked!<b>devildog562</b> - the 10/31/2014 at 8:15pm<b>thebigtwinkie</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 5:42pm

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XPhoenixFire's favorite FMLs

Today, I got a new downstairs neighbor. Herpes. FML

#21318606
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20733) - you deserved it (27466)

On 12/16/2014 at 4:04pm - health - by fuck - Norway (Buskerud)

Today, I needed to take a dump at school. As soon as I sat down, somebody else walked in. I'm extremely poop-shy, so I was forced to wait for several minutes while they styled their hair and applied makeup. After they left, I breathed a sigh of relief. Then someone else walked in. FML

#21318557
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25550) - you deserved it (6072)

On 12/16/2014 at 2:26pm - misc - by privatebathroomneeded - United States (California)

Today, my mom wouldn't let me go to the YMCA pool with the rest of the family. She said that the sound my thighs make when they rub together is "embarrassing". FML

#21317143
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32679) - you deserved it (4188)

On 12/14/2014 at 2:07am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML

#21315694
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33188) - you deserved it (4164)

On 12/11/2014 at 4:47pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out my boyfriend uses a period tracker app to find out when we can fuck. FML

#21315592
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28983) - you deserved it (6045)

On 12/11/2014 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by Anon - Ireland (Cork)

Today, my son got in trouble at school. The kids had to solve a problem by determining whether it was better for "Edna" to repair or replace her AC unit. He said Edna is an "old person's name" and she was "probably going to die soon anyway", so she shouldn't do either. FML

#21315591
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26328) - you deserved it (3175)

On 12/11/2014 at 1:10pm - kids - by MedStudent90 - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my pet bunny died. My little sister is distraught and practically suicidal, because apparently she playfully pointed a wand at it a few days ago and said "avada kedavra". She's absolutely convinced that she killed it. FML

#21315060
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32252) - you deserved it (2475)

On 12/10/2014 at 2:58pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I found a very light blonde long hair on my marital bed's pillow. I confronted my husband about it and after hours of arguments and me throwing his stuff out of the house, I found another. Attached to my head. My husband isn't having an affair, I'm just going grey. FML

#21314908
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16331) - you deserved it (36974)

On 12/10/2014 at 7:59am - love - by mastel07 (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I told my boss I have a sore throat. He replied, "Well, don't take it so deep next time." FML

#21314442
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31447) - you deserved it (5262)

On 12/09/2014 at 1:29pm - work - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, my boss at my new call center job said he'd gotten complaints about me. Apparently I sound "too black" and it's "upsetting" some of our customers. I don't know what that even means, but my boss said I need to "tone it down or we're gonna have some problems". FML

#21310827
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35133) - you deserved it (3197)

On 12/03/2014 at 4:21pm - work - by WTF - United States (Texas)

Today, I met an American guy at a bar. I felt flattered when he said, "You know what they say about Swedish girls, all so beautiful." After a pause, he filled in with, "What the fuck happened to you?" FML

Today, my mom booked a family trip to Sweden. This would be great, if she hadn't asked me to tell our former German exchange student that we were coming to visit her in Germany. She was thrilled. Now I have to be the one to let her down. FML

#21305750
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27443) - you deserved it (2255)

On 11/25/2014 at 11:14am - misc - by Blöde Gans - United States (Florida)

Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML

#21301160
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31616) - you deserved it (2376)

On 11/18/2014 at 12:35am - animals - by blindsparrow - United States (California)

Today, my neighbor's five-year-old rode his tricycle into a history diorama I had spent days slaving over. When I confronted him, he just said, "Vroom vroom muthafucka." FML

Today, while having some "personal" time, I felt intense pleasure and moaned. I learned that my own moaning prevents me from reaching my peak. I'm my own turn off. FML

#21290790
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34207) - you deserved it (4920)

On 11/02/2014 at 8:31pm - intimacy - by SelfServiced - United States (California)



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