Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

XPhoenixFire

Online | Search for a member

XPhoenixFire

4Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4931
  • Number of comments : 43
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About XPhoenixFire : Sarcasm is key.

XPhoenixFire's page activity

Visits<b>Sayeret_Matkal</b> - the 02/04/2016 at 7:07pm<b>Dr_Awesome654</b> - the 01/28/2016 at 10:29pm<b>Seabass_Chan</b> - the 01/22/2016 at 6:12pm<b>Tripartita</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 4:20pm<b>mf727hihi</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 3:43pm<b>karacakal2</b> - the 01/01/2016 at 9:25pm<b>angelicayoknow</b> - the 12/17/2015 at 3:08am<b>kyuuubbbiii</b> - the 12/14/2015 at 8:49am<b>Toonice45</b> - the 12/07/2015 at 11:05pm<b>Elban</b> - the 12/03/2015 at 12:46am<b>derangedplanet</b> - the 11/30/2015 at 3:51pm<b>jake131000</b> - the 11/13/2015 at 3:34pm<b>liquifiednate</b> - the 10/27/2015 at 11:46am<b>buckstop1</b> - the 09/08/2015 at 6:24am<b>SHAMUS_the_WITTY</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 8:59pm<b>Radgears47</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 1:11pm<b>lchollett</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 3:54am<b>zadok24</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 12:28pm

Fucked!<b>Seabass_Chan</b> - the 01/22/2016 at 4:40pm<b>Radgears47</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 7:11pm<b>devildog562</b> - the 10/31/2014 at 8:15pm<b>thebigtwinkie</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 5:42pm

XPhoenixFire's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of XPhoenixFire's badges

XPhoenixFire's favorite FMLs

Today, I happily announced to my parents that I'm pregnant. My dad later handed me a printout containing a list of nearby abortion clinics. FML

#21461568
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26289) - you deserved it (2382)

On 08/28/2015 at 1:06am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my niece started crying because she thought that someday she'll look like me. FML

#21458278
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23995) - you deserved it (1900)

On 08/19/2015 at 11:25pm - kids - by ambiiii - United States (Texas)

Today, my drill sergeant was yelling at me and asking me questions. I got a question wrong, and he asked me if I am a "Shit Sandwich". I replied "Yes sir, with extra cheese." I'm running miles till the day I die. FML

#21457342
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25797) - you deserved it (10248)

On 08/17/2015 at 9:55pm - work - by BarhydtBran - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend dyed her hair from blonde to brunette. An hour later, she found one of her blonde hairs on my pillow, and accused me of cheating. FML

#21457265
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28459) - you deserved it (1925)

On 08/17/2015 at 6:46pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was walking to my car with 600 dollars worth of books because I start college next week, when I was robbed by some guy that sounded like Cartman. He punched me because I could not stop laughing whenever he would try to threaten me. FML

Today, to prove that my girlfriend is a "total skank", my best friend seduced her and showed me the video he secretly filmed of it. FML

#21457226
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30035) - you deserved it (3183)

On 08/17/2015 at 4:14pm - intimacy - by YES I MEAN *EX* GIRLFRIEND (man) - Canada

Today, I found out that my homophobic boyfriend, who I was giving a chance to grow the fuck up and get over his obsession with bashing gays, has been cheating on me with another man. FML

#21425403
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42416) - you deserved it (5178)

On 06/13/2015 at 10:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a man tried to rob the store I work at. Before the guy was taken by the cops, he complained to my manager for "unfriendly behavior". He took it seriously and bitched me out for not providing "quality service" to our customers. FML

#21425364
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29809) - you deserved it (1960)

On 06/13/2015 at 7:45am - work - by notfuckingpaidenough - United States (California)

Today, I underwent surgery and feeling rather groggy upon being awoken, I very loudly declared, "I've always had a thing for doctors. Kiss me?" then promptly giggled, tried to launch myself in a random doctor's arms and fell flat on my face. FML

#21425055
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26771) - you deserved it (4681)

On 06/12/2015 at 3:43pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my apparently insane and now ex-girlfriend actually claimed she didn't technically cheat on me, because she set her Facebook relationship to "single" before screwing my brother. FML

#21423879
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33658) - you deserved it (2375)

On 06/10/2015 at 11:28am - intimacy - by waiting till marriage, she said (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, just before a job interview, I coughed so violently that I lost my voice. FML

#21421827
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24623) - you deserved it (1950)

On 06/06/2015 at 3:19pm - work - by WarMachine68 (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I decided to wax my eyebrows. My entire eyebrow came off. FML

#21421754
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22800) - you deserved it (13245)

On 06/06/2015 at 12:29pm - misc - by Eyebrowless (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, like every other day, my wife doesn't have time for sex because she's too busy on Facebook. Then she bitched me out because "we never have sex anymore." FML

#21421687
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30799) - you deserved it (2928)

On 06/06/2015 at 9:01am - intimacy - by cockblockedbyFB - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a text from my neighbor complaining about my girlfriend and me being too noisy in bed. I'm at work. FML

#21418223
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43367) - you deserved it (2807)

On 05/30/2015 at 8:12pm - intimacy - by TooLoud - United States (California)

Today, I strained so hard trying to take a crap that I broke a blood vessel in my eye. FML

#21414271
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26947) - you deserved it (5729)

On 05/23/2015 at 12:38am - misc - by Strainer - United States (California)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: