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Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
Today, I sneezed so violently that my tampon came out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55024) - you deserved it (6663)
On 07/23/2011 at 9:06am - intimacy - by Sarah - United States
Today, my son called me from medical school, asking for a new phone. Why? Because he dropped it in the toilet. How? Trying to videotape his anus while taking a dump. I pay $80,000 a year just to hear he took a dump on his phone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33196) - you deserved it (4970)
On 07/03/2011 at 9:50pm - intimacy - by WasteOMoney - United States (Texas)
Today, while on student exchange in Germany, I was making myself a cup of coffee. When I rummaged around in the fridge, my room-mates asked me what I was looking for. I said I wanted to put "samen" in my coffee. They laughed. Ah yes, "sahne" means "cream". "Samen" means "sperm". FML
I agree, your life sucks (22475) - you deserved it (9749) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 07/02/2011 at 5:50pm - intimacy - by Hum - Switzerland (Ticino)
Today, I had to make a deal with my 22 year old fiancé. What was the deal? If he put deodorant on, he could squeeze my boob for as long as he liked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29423) - you deserved it (7586)
On 07/01/2011 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by NYMTS - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I introduced my first serious boyfriend to my mother over dinner. He is Asian. My mom insisted on calling him "Ching Chong". His name is Kevin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44069) - you deserved it (3611)
On 06/30/2011 at 3:24am - misc - by asianlover (woman) - Finland (Western Finland)
Today, as I passed my fiancé the pancakes I had just made, he vocalised his happiness with a groan that was EXACTLY like the one he makes when we have sex. So on a sexiness rating, I'm a pancake. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29261) - you deserved it (7742)
On 06/24/2011 at 6:45am - intimacy - by Eve (woman) - Ireland (Cork)
Today, I dreamed that I was making out with a cute girl. Just as I was about to take it to the next level, she suddenly burst into tears and said, "I'm sorry, I can't do this." I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48844) - you deserved it (6332)
On 06/11/2011 at 10:24am - intimacy - by Ryan - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with "Now get back to making sandwiches." your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42965) - you deserved it (6046)
On 06/10/2011 at 1:01am - work - by MakeMeASandwich (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear "it's not gonna suck itself." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39437) - you deserved it (9038)
On 06/07/2011 at 2:51am - intimacy - by Username - United States (Texas)
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded with, "That's nice. You know what I love? Chicken wings. Let's go get some." Apparently, he doesn't remember I'm a vegetarian either. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35147) - you deserved it (7394)
On 05/31/2011 at 8:02am - love - by veggiepower11028 -
Today, I'm too sunburned to masturbate. Now I have nothing to do. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17099) - you deserved it (48336)
On 05/31/2011 at 7:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous -
Today, my boyfriend told me I looked pretty. I said, "Aww, that's the first time you've said that to me." He replied, "Well, it's the first time you've looked pretty." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40027) - you deserved it (6987)
On 05/25/2011 at 12:06pm - love - by Username - United States (California)
Today, I woke up so pissed off that I yelled at my cereal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28352) - you deserved it (13125)
On 05/11/2011 at 10:33am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I puked up a centipede. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45034) - you deserved it (5745)
On 05/11/2011 at 12:59am - health - by vaalcrawford - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my phone alarm woke me up. It had fallen under my boyfriend's bed. Naked, I got on all fours to retrieve it. My boyfriend's dog stuck his nose in my ass. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35582) - you deserved it (15881)
On 05/09/2011 at 2:08am - intimacy - by coldwetnose (woman) - United States
Monday 17 June 2013
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