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Wooness

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Wooness

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 2 August 1991 (24 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1637
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Wooness's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of Wooness's badges

Wooness's favorite FMLs

Today, trying to be a responsible parent, I bought my daughter a pack of condoms in case she ever decided to have sex. She turned them into balloon animals and went back to playing video games. FML

#21059009
293 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34298) - you deserved it (51377)

On 02/13/2014 at 10:47am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I told my professor that I'll be missing class next week due to upcoming surgery. I asked if I could take the exam that I'd otherwise miss another day. He said no, and that I'd just have to take a failing grade, then wished me luck with the surgery. FML

#21053454
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52897) - you deserved it (3934)

On 02/07/2014 at 3:30pm - health - by ... - United States (Illinois)

Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML

#21040159
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48201) - you deserved it (9806)

On 01/25/2014 at 11:29pm - kids - by mom - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband and I decided to have a quickie before the kids woke up from their nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in my screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children came busting in with their nerf guns, screaming, "Where's the monster?" FML

#21025946
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58655) - you deserved it (35410)

On 01/12/2014 at 8:53pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend saw a YouTube video of a guy throwing boiling water into the cold air, with the water immediately turning to ice and vapor. He copied it, but only succeeded in dousing himself with boiling water, then making me drive his idiot self to the hospital. FML

#21023480
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46529) - you deserved it (5471)

On 01/10/2014 at 11:12am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, to avoid a guy who's been creepily following me around school lately, I ducked into the girl's bathroom. After few minutes, he stuck his head in with his eyes closed and asked if I was done yet. FML

#21021456
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63670) - you deserved it (4654)

On 01/08/2014 at 3:27pm - misc - by stalked - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML

#21015691
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67735) - you deserved it (7909)

On 01/03/2014 at 5:08pm - intimacy - by notsohandy (man) - Denmark (Midtjylland)

Today, I was at work alone with a stomach bug. For some reason, our bathroom was out of toilet paper, so I had to quickly run to the nearest store to buy more, only to shit my pants midway there. I'm pretty sure the cashier knew exactly what had happened. FML

#21011588
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41503) - you deserved it (4049)

On 12/31/2013 at 1:22pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, my 4-year-old daughter figured out how to set a parental code lock on our television so we can't watch football because it scares her when we scream. She won't tell us no matter what we bribe her with. FML

#21010264
317 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48479) - you deserved it (25752)

On 12/30/2013 at 7:10am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I took an extra xanax to help with my anxiety, then went to sleep. I guess it was probably too much, because I woke up a few hours later, freaking out and panicking because I was convinced I was a bee trapped in a human body. FML

#21008430
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43619) - you deserved it (10242)

On 12/28/2013 at 4:19pm - health - by beemove (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my dog has found a new game he likes. It involves him rolling around on my new bed sheets to build up static electricity and run and poke me with his nose so I get shocked. FML

#21008001
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47735) - you deserved it (5702)

On 12/28/2013 at 3:23am - animals - by honeybunny90 - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about to finish, he pulled out and came in his hand. He then flicked his hand towards my face and yelled, "Sha-ZAM!" FML

#20999459
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58765) - you deserved it (8625)

On 12/20/2013 at 6:36pm - intimacy - by zamwow (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my cousin started sending sarcastic love messages to me. I replied, with even cheesier lines. Then she rang me saying she was so glad I felt the same way. Turns out she wasn't being sarcastic. FML

#20991120
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53021) - you deserved it (8966)

On 12/13/2013 at 10:10am - love - by wth? - United Kingdom (Rotherham)

Today, my crazy ex-girlfriend legally changed her last name to mine. I'm getting married in a week. FML

#20986172
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54988) - you deserved it (3638)

On 12/09/2013 at 10:10am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my elderly neighbor along with our community church's priest came to my house and demanded to "give them the girl". The girl is my 3-year-old daughter, who has natural born red irises and is photo-sensitive. And yes, we are also Romanian. FML

#20985281
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57991) - you deserved it (3276)

On 12/08/2013 at 5:07pm - kids - by OakStake (man) - United States (New York)



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