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Today, I finally worked up the nerve to text the girl I've had a crush on to ask her on a date. I got back the reply, "Error message 3265: Number No Longer In Swrvice." Not only can she not spell, when I looked it up, "error 3265" doesn't even exist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63829) - you deserved it (7311)
On 08/17/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by ZSL (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I found out that I was adopted, now my gay brother thinks it's acceptable to tell me that he's always wanted to have sex with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (83528) - you deserved it (3341)
On 08/12/2009 at 11:13pm - intimacy - by JPF (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I was wearing a skirt, and running towards a closing elevator, making it just in time. As soon as I ran in, my pad fell out of my underwear and onto the floor. There were 6 other people in the elevator. I picked it up before I realized I had nowhere to put it, so I held it. For 18 floors. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51651) - you deserved it (7146)
On 08/01/2009 at 4:15am - misc - by Alice (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was wearing a skirt, and running towards a closing elevator, making it just in time. As soon as I ran in, my pad fell out of my underwear and onto the floor. There were 6 other people in the elevator. I picked it up before I realized I had nowhere to put it, so I held it. For 18 floors. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51651) - you deserved it (7146)
On 08/01/2009 at 4:15am - misc - by Alice (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was wearing a skirt, and running towards a closing elevator, making it just in time. As soon as I ran in, my pad fell out of my underwear and onto the floor. There were 6 other people in the elevator. I picked it up before I realized I had nowhere to put it, so I held it. For 18 floors. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51651) - you deserved it (7146)
On 08/01/2009 at 4:15am - misc - by Alice (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my friends had ditched me for a party I hadn't been invited to so I was sitting home alone. The only other thing in my house was the mosquito I nicknamed Fred. I liked to watch Fred fly around and try to suck my blood. 20 minutes later, I found Fred's dead body. I was actually sad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49733) - you deserved it (13476)
On 07/30/2009 at 10:43am - animals - by dumbo (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew
Today, I went to a funeral for my coworker's father. While there, my dad's cell phone rang and he left to answer it. I turned to my brother and said, "I can't believe he brought his cell phone!" He whispered, "I can't believe he's got coverage. This is a dead zone!" I laughed loudly. At a funeral. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17895) - you deserved it (41631)
On 07/26/2009 at 1:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version
Today, we spread my uncle's ashes at my grandparent's house. We were on a hill overlooking a sunset. It was a beautiful ceremony... until the winds changed direction. Our whole family wound up covered in my Uncle. He's still stuck in my hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43008) - you deserved it (3130)
On 06/21/2009 at 12:23am - misc - by Lee (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I made a patient really happy. I work in a long term care facility and was changing a woman's diaper. While cleaning her, I somehow managed to give her an orgasm with a warm wash cloth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60407) - you deserved it (3853)
On 06/13/2009 at 2:40am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, the girl I like came over to my house to watch a movie. We had seen pretty much every movie that I suggested, so we ended up watching The Lion King. I forgot how sad that movie is, because once Mufasa died I started bawling my eyes out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34109) - you deserved it (21457)
On 05/31/2009 at 2:46am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was in line for Star Trek and chatting with another couple about a guy who came to the movie wearing a Starfleet uniform. We were having a good snicker about this "Geek" until my cell phone rang. My ringtone is the sound made by the Star Trek communicator. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5148) - you deserved it (69117)
On 05/12/2009 at 10:11am - misc - by Ottawa (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, me and my boyfriend were telling eachother secrets and I told him i've shaved my upper lip. He said "I know, it's prickly when we make out." FML
I agree, your life sucks (42862) - you deserved it (20299)
On 04/06/2009 at 5:50pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)
Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I'd undressed and then threw up all over the rug. FML
I agree, your life sucks (111399) - you deserved it (14768)
On 03/12/2009 at 6:08pm - animals - by Noname (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I had my wisdom teeth pulled. There was a cyst behind one of them, and the dentist decided to extract it - except the Novocaine didn't reach that far back. I raised my hand like they said to do, and the dentist looked at me writing in pain and said, "No, you're fine." FML
I agree, your life sucks (61275) - you deserved it (891)
On 03/09/2009 at 9:03pm - health - by toothache (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I was driving at night and saw a small animal run across the road. I slammed on my brakes and got rear-ended. The animal turned out to be a plastic grocery bag. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41518) - you deserved it (11407)
On 03/02/2009 at 7:09pm - misc - by himtopia19 (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Monday 17 June 2013
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