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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Witchcraft

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Witchcraft
  • Town/Country : This Place Right Here
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 29 January 1988 (24 years)
  • Number of visits : 3804
  • Number of comments : 1237
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Witchcraft's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend's parents visited us. When everyone was chatting in the room, I needed to go to the bathroom. I got up and wanted to walk away when I sneezed, and farted at the same time. I thought they didn't hear it, until my boyfriend's brother said: "That wasn't just a sneeze was it?" FML

#15662595 (127)

I agree, your life sucks (11451) - you deserved it (1671)

On 04/06/2011 at 7:47am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, I was cleaning my bathroom, and accidentally spilled bleach, ruining my shower curtain, rugs, and towels. While attempting to wipe up the bleach, I knocked over a bottle of shower cleaner. It read, "WARNING: DO NOT MIX WITH BLEACH." I still can't go in the house. FML

#15657358 (139)

I agree, your life sucks (22511) - you deserved it (7441)

On 04/05/2011 at 9:52pm - misc - by troublewithbleach (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I found out that using a certain hand sanitizer as masturbation lube will put you in the hospital and result in having to wear an adult diaper for a week. FML

#15542094 (283)

I agree, your life sucks (10449) - you deserved it (50805)

On 03/29/2011 at 2:28am - intimacy - by JJMan217 (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML

#15532710 (597)

I agree, your life sucks (44511) - you deserved it (19913)

On 03/28/2011 at 4:13pm - intimacy - by dickface - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at the mall with my friends, when a creepy man sat at the table next to us, and started rubbing his crotch, his gaze never leaving my feet. FML

#15482559 (165)

I agree, your life sucks (28696) - you deserved it (2719)

On 03/25/2011 at 1:31pm - intimacy - by ewww - United States

Today, I got 2 creams for a skin condition. The one for my face says "Don't expose skin to sun after use of this product". The one for the rest of my body says "This product relies on exposure to the sun". In other words, I have to be outside as much as I can, naked and with a box on my head. FML

#15480042 (224)

I agree, your life sucks (25630) - you deserved it (4540)

On 03/25/2011 at 8:22am - health - by FromNL (man) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, as I walked home, I heard the people behind me in an argument over my gender. FML

#15451762 (238)

I agree, your life sucks (32073) - you deserved it (7451)

On 03/23/2011 at 5:21pm - misc - by Cxisbest (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I called a wrong number. Calling back the right person, I began a long story about how I'd just called the wrong number. It was the wrong number lady again. FML

#15429029 (182)

I agree, your life sucks (8693) - you deserved it (23700)

On 03/22/2011 at 8:38am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML

#15415559 (409)

I agree, your life sucks (26022) - you deserved it (22960)

On 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)

Today, my boyfriend had a bad dream that a horse was biting his fingers off. He punched the horse in the neck, and in real life punched me in the spine. Twice. FML

#15410065 (108)

I agree, your life sucks (25127) - you deserved it (2689)

On 03/21/2011 at 1:02am - love - by lily389 -

Today, my son was on Facebook while he was supposed to be studying. He called me a liar and accused me of making up excuses to chew him out. How do I know he was online? He liked and commented on a video I posted. My son is a dumbass. FML

#15398872 (199)

I agree, your life sucks (37635) - you deserved it (6233)

On 03/20/2011 at 12:10pm - kids - by parenting_failure (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my dad cussed out an individual on the phone because he thought it was a telemarketer. He was my Indian girlfriend's father. FML

#15377212 (161)

I agree, your life sucks (30177) - you deserved it (3159)

On 03/19/2011 at 1:37am - misc - by dollarstorepwnr (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML

#15345509 (108)

I agree, your life sucks (24356) - you deserved it (3513)

On 03/17/2011 at 12:04am - kids - by Username -

Today, after my 22 year old son realized that there was no more contact solution, he decided to use tequila because he thought it would "kill the germs." We had to go to the hospital to have his eyes flushed out. I raised this moron. FML

#15339337 (227)

I agree, your life sucks (33472) - you deserved it (8222)

On 03/16/2011 at 6:05pm - kids - by WTF -

Today, after some passionate love making with my husband, I accidentally farted on his leg. He shrieked and frantically began shaking his leg while screaming, "Get it off! Get it off!" FML

#15079652 (129)

I agree, your life sucks (14508) - you deserved it (22232)

On 02/22/2011 at 4:02pm - intimacy - by CutieBooty (woman) - United States (Illinois)