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Wiringify's favorite FMLs
by Workplace woes / 05/12/2016 at 1:00pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, I offered my friend $150 to drop my girl and me off for at the airport. He's poor, so I try to help him out by paying for rides. My girl being with me, I asked him not to smoke weed while driving. He turned down the job because he needs a minimum of two blunts for the trip. FML
by echo / 05/11/2016 at 2:59pm / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
by unboned / 05/11/2016 at 1:30pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, my friend bought a new car. He left his old car at the dealership and asked me if I could go back with him, and then I'd follow him back to his house in his old car. That was fine, except he forgot to mention the car had no brakes. I hit his car. FML
by bumpercarmcgee / 05/11/2016 at 4:33am / United States (Arizona) / Transportation
by LoveTheElder / 05/10/2016 at 9:38pm / United States (California) / Work
by Annoyed / 05/10/2016 at 9:23pm / United States (Florida) / Work
by Chin... uh.... / 05/10/2016 at 6:42pm / United States (Arizona) / Kids
Today, the canteen of the company I work for introduced a cash-less payment method to purchase food. To use it, employees must download the app, which is only available for iPhones. I have a BlackBerry. FML
by Katyness / 05/10/2016 at 4:20pm / United Kingdom / Work
Today, is my high school graduation. Last night I read online that you can use apple cider vinegar to help with head dandruff, so I tried it out. Now, no matter how much product or perfume I use, I still smell like a giant walking fart. My graduation is in a couple of hours. FML
by cass / 05/10/2016 at 2:37pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at a party at my boyfriend's house. As I was walking past him, he pulled me onto his lap and started introducing me to a childhood friend. I sneezed and accidently peed on him. I'm 6 months pregnant and can't control my bladder. FML
by queen_lol / 05/10/2016 at 1:14pm / United States / Love
by Hesjustapuppy / 05/10/2016 at 8:56am / United States (Michigan) / Animals
Today, a woman kindly asked if she might take a photo of her son in our cowboy boots. Thinking it couldn't do much harm, I agreed. Ten minutes later there was a butt naked three year-old and his entire family taking pictures in my shoe store. My manager wasn't impressed. FML
by jasonvanr / 05/10/2016 at 4:19am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Work
Today, I was trying to sleep, when I felt someone rattling my bed from underneath. Petrified from shock, I lied there for what felt like hours, waiting for a murderer to spring out. I must've finally fallen asleep, and when I woke up in the morning, I found out it was a minor earthquake. FML
by Nighty-nitrogen / 05/09/2016 at 8:07pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I visited a waterpark with friends. At one point, a woman floating near me suddenly says to me, "How are you doing, honey?" Instinctively, I replied, "I'm well". The woman gave me a strange look and I turned around to find she was talking to her child directly behind me. FML
by Sloppy Cashmere / 05/09/2016 at 5:26pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I worked up the courage to ask out the girl I liked. I got her a nice bracelet for her birthday and asked her on a date when I gave it to her. "Aww, you're so sweet!" was the response to the gift. Her response to the date proposal? "Wait, you aren't gay?" FML
by Failsafe / 05/09/2016 at 10:35am / United States (New Jersey) / Love
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…