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Wiringify's favorite FMLs
by chickenshit4 / 05/14/2016 at 8:57pm / United States (South Dakota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I'm still awake from not sleeping last night. The reason? At 2am I was in my garage when all of a sudden someone's phone went off outside. I live in the country and no one should be out there. Looks like I'm not sleeping for the next few weeks. FML.
by countryb_cth / 05/14/2016 at 4:57pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got the wristbands in the mail for a music festival in a month and a half. This is my first time going to an event like this and I got overzealous and put it on. Now it's locked tightly on my wrist. I checked online after and it said not to put it on before you arrive at the event. FML
by warrior1995 / 05/14/2016 at 3:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was food shamed by my boyfriend in front of an entire restaurant and his parents because my meal cost more than his. His mom chimed in saying her meal usually costs more than his step dad's too and not to be upset. I'm 8 months pregnant, of course mine costs more. FML
by Preggo / 05/14/2016 at 1:11pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/14/2016 at 11:48am / Love
by MissAnonymous93 / 05/14/2016 at 11:32am / South Africa / Health
Today, my dog apparently vomited straight down a heating vent while I was out. The stench was so bad that when I got home and the smell hit me, I threw up too. Looks like I'll be spending a few days with my mother as the house airs out. FML
by Anonymous / 05/14/2016 at 10:26am / Italy (Emilia-Romagna) / Animals
by Anonymous / 05/14/2016 at 8:39am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I found an injured rabbit by the side of the road. I was about to take it to the local vet, when my husband picked it up and casually snapped its neck. "No rabbit's worth my money" he said, forgetting that he's been a jobless moocher for over 3 years. Pass me the goddamn divorce papers. FML
by Anonymous / 05/14/2016 at 6:34am / United States (Texas) / Animals
by Bloop / 05/13/2016 at 8:58pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the doctor's office, where my mother happens to work. When my doctor tried to prank her by saying I have chlamydia, my mother laughed and said she didn't believe it, adding, "Have you even seen the way she interacts with boys?" FML
by mcginnismr / 05/13/2016 at 6:57pm / Health
Today, my boss asked if I'd finished my work for the day. I've been binge-watching Game of Thrones this week, and I accidentally replied "Yes, Your Grace," British accent and all. He told me to stow my "sarcasm" or I'd be looking for a new job. FML
by Sir Davos of Shit Creek / 05/13/2016 at 4:00pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, at work, the shopping carts have coin locks on them so people put them back or don't go stealing them. A lady couldn't find a coin, so I unlocked one with my key and said to her, "It doesn't look like you will run off and steal it" as a joke. She replied, "I can't run darling, I have an artificial leg." FML
by TrolleyCollector / 05/13/2016 at 5:10am / Australia (Victoria) / Work
Today, I met with a student in office hours to discuss an assignment when my nose started bleeding. I didn't know at first, so I blew my nose and an inhuman amount of blood sprayed out the side of the tissue all over my desk, the wall, and the student's paper. It looked like a murder scene. FML
by the bleeder / 05/13/2016 at 1:05am / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my binder on a short road trip two hours away from my home, so that I could study for my upcoming finals. When I got home, I realized I that had left my binder all the way there, containing my notes, classwork, homework, finals notes, etc. FML
by Anonymous / 05/12/2016 at 11:46pm / United States (Idaho) / Work
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…