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Wiringify's favorite FMLs
Today, I had a mini heart attack as my dad stopped in the middle of the street and said, "I wonder what'd happen if I just dropped my pants right now and started jerking it in front of all these motherfuckers." FML
by dad, please / 05/16/2016 at 1:37am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, I've been begging my boyfriend to get us a dog for months now. This morning, I noticed he'd bought some toilet paper with dogs printed on it. I asked him if it was a sign. He replied, "Yeah, one you can stick up your ass." FML
by Confession / 05/15/2016 at 10:07pm / Belgium / Animals
Today, I gave my cat a little kiss on the head. Just as I was about to tell him I love him, he sneezed directly into my face. It's been two hours and I still can't get the taste of cat snot out of my mouth. I probably need to get a life. FML
by Anonymous / 05/15/2016 at 8:25pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, my college instructor told me I hadn't actually failed a big exam as he originally said. It turns out he'd mixed me up with another student. Now thanks to the power of gossip, half my class thinks I slept with him so he'd switch my grade with the other student's. FML
by Anonymous / 05/15/2016 at 6:25pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/15/2016 at 5:10pm / United States (Michigan) / Health
Today, I accidentally left my bedroom light on all day. When I got home, my mum screamed at me for wasting electricity. This is the same woman who leaves the TV on all day while she’s at work, all so our dogs have something to watch and won't be “bored”. FML
by Anonymous / 05/15/2016 at 10:56am / Miscellaneous
by kattylizbeth / 05/14/2016 at 10:03pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by chickenshit4 / 05/14/2016 at 8:57pm / United States (South Dakota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I'm still awake from not sleeping last night. The reason? At 2am I was in my garage when all of a sudden someone's phone went off outside. I live in the country and no one should be out there. Looks like I'm not sleeping for the next few weeks. FML.
by countryb_cth / 05/14/2016 at 4:57pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got the wristbands in the mail for a music festival in a month and a half. This is my first time going to an event like this and I got overzealous and put it on. Now it's locked tightly on my wrist. I checked online after and it said not to put it on before you arrive at the event. FML
by warrior1995 / 05/14/2016 at 3:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was food shamed by my boyfriend in front of an entire restaurant and his parents because my meal cost more than his. His mom chimed in saying her meal usually costs more than his step dad's too and not to be upset. I'm 8 months pregnant, of course mine costs more. FML
by Preggo / 05/14/2016 at 1:11pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/14/2016 at 11:48am / Love
by MissAnonymous93 / 05/14/2016 at 11:32am / South Africa / Health
Today, my dog apparently vomited straight down a heating vent while I was out. The stench was so bad that when I got home and the smell hit me, I threw up too. Looks like I'll be spending a few days with my mother as the house airs out. FML
by Anonymous / 05/14/2016 at 10:26am / Italy (Emilia-Romagna) / Animals
by Anonymous / 05/14/2016 at 8:39am / United States (Texas) / Love