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Wiringify's favorite FMLs
by bruised / 05/19/2016 at 4:54pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
Today, my husband and I both got smart watches. We were running around, acting like we were in a James Bond movie, having fun. Until our neighbors called the cops on us for hiding in their bushes. FML
by nykkymcallister / 05/18/2016 at 11:07pm / United States (Maryland) / Geek
by sociallyawkward / 05/18/2016 at 9:52pm / United States (Georgia) / Money
by CarouselHeart / 05/18/2016 at 4:09pm / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Health
by aviationgeek / 05/18/2016 at 2:18pm / United States (Washington) / Work
by centaursTesticle / 05/18/2016 at 8:34am / United States / Work
Today, I saw a man help an elderly lady with her tray at the local McDonald's. I wanted to do something nice for him, so I added a couple extra nuggets in his meal. He later came up to me and told me I was dumb and didn't know how to count, and that was why I was working at McDonald's. FML
by korbo7 / 05/16/2016 at 11:26pm / United States (Nebraska) / Work
Today, I went to get a haircut. The guy next to me was in an Army uniform and had requested a short buzz cut. My stylist had to take a call, so another came out and there must've been a miscommunication, but by then, she was already fast at work. Guess who got stuck with the other guy's haircut. FML
by Buzzed_Head9 / 05/16/2016 at 10:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a mini heart attack as my dad stopped in the middle of the street and said, "I wonder what'd happen if I just dropped my pants right now and started jerking it in front of all these motherfuckers." FML
by dad, please / 05/16/2016 at 1:37am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, I've been begging my boyfriend to get us a dog for months now. This morning, I noticed he'd bought some toilet paper with dogs printed on it. I asked him if it was a sign. He replied, "Yeah, one you can stick up your ass." FML
by Confession / 05/15/2016 at 10:07pm / Belgium / Animals
Today, I gave my cat a little kiss on the head. Just as I was about to tell him I love him, he sneezed directly into my face. It's been two hours and I still can't get the taste of cat snot out of my mouth. I probably need to get a life. FML
by Anonymous / 05/15/2016 at 8:25pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, my college instructor told me I hadn't actually failed a big exam as he originally said. It turns out he'd mixed me up with another student. Now thanks to the power of gossip, half my class thinks I slept with him so he'd switch my grade with the other student's. FML
by Anonymous / 05/15/2016 at 6:25pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/15/2016 at 5:10pm / United States (Michigan) / Health
Today, I accidentally left my bedroom light on all day. When I got home, my mum screamed at me for wasting electricity. This is the same woman who leaves the TV on all day while she’s at work, all so our dogs have something to watch and won't be “bored”. FML
by Anonymous / 05/15/2016 at 10:56am / Miscellaneous
by kattylizbeth / 05/14/2016 at 10:03pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…