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Wiringify's favorite FMLs
Today, while in class, my friend would not stop annoying me by tapping me on the shoulder every so often. After the fifth time, I lost my patience, told him to F off, and slapped his hand. Only it wasn't my friend tapping my shoulder this time, it was my teacher. FML
by gettinganF / 05/23/2016 at 7:57am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was babysitting a 6 year-old and a 9 year-old. After they went to bed, I started working on a project for on my laptop that was due in 12 hours and fell asleep. I woke up to a dog licking my peanut buttered keyboard and the two kids sitting in the corner giggling. FML
by Kendall14159 / 05/21/2016 at 10:14pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
by hrs220 / 05/21/2016 at 5:55pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Kaibel / 05/21/2016 at 5:39pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by sastgamer / 05/21/2016 at 1:46pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, my two year old has learned new things from his best friend. His best friend is our dog. He's learned to eat dog food, lick people, and now he's started taking off his diaper to lift his leg and pee. FML
by proud parent / 05/21/2016 at 12:03pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, a woman threw a sandwich at me, told me to go back to "fucktard island" and demanded to see my manager. All because the mayonnaise sandwich she ordered, shockingly enough, had mayonnaise in it. FML
by xoxo_retailslave420_xoxo / 05/21/2016 at 8:57am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
Today, after I skipped dessert for the third day in a row, my mom cornered me and accused me of being anorexic. I'm actually not far off being clinically obese and I'm just trying to diet, but nothing I say will convince her. She wants me to see a psychiatrist about a disorder I don't even have. FML
by chronic masticator / 05/21/2016 at 7:51am / United States / Health
Today, I babysat a kid who was such a bratty little prick that I actually considered walking out on the job. After his mom finally got home 4 hours later, he called her a slut. When he got in trouble for it, he claimed that I taught him the word. Needless to say, I didn't get paid. FML
by Anonymous / 05/21/2016 at 12:27am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
by Anonymous / 05/20/2016 at 12:59pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, my dad told me to knock it off with my "stupid gangster walk", saying it made me look like an idiot. I didn't have the balls to admit I'd sharted my pants and was awkwardly waddling to the bathroom to clean myself up. FML
by Anonymous / 05/20/2016 at 12:05pm / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/20/2016 at 7:29am / United States (New Jersey) / Health
Today, I needed the toilet in the night. Walking through my pitch black house barefoot, I felt something squish beneath my heel. Thinking it was a morsel of previously dropped food, I turned on the light to clean it up. My eyes met a twitching gecko body, with a flattened, exploded head. FML
by Kakapo4Ever / 05/20/2016 at 5:01am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Animals
by Anonymous / 05/20/2016 at 4:09am / United States (California) / Love
by No thanks / 05/19/2016 at 8:06pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I asked a customer to send me via e-mail the image he wanted me to print. He said, "I don't…