About WilliamMurderfac : I like metal, video games, and anime. I'm mostly a lurker, been around for a while but I generally don't post comments.
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WilliamMurderfac's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 09/24/2015 at 1:07pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
by Lucachoo / 09/21/2015 at 8:35pm / United States (California) / Money
Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML
by Gassy / 09/21/2015 at 10:45am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, the professor I've had a crush on informed me that there's only one way left I could still pass his course. Thinking this was an attempt to flirt with me, I told him I'd do anything he could imagine. He then looked confused when he asked me to write an essay. FML
by notwhatithought / 08/21/2015 at 3:43pm / Germany (Bayern) / Miscellaneous
by geek / 07/21/2015 at 11:02pm / United States (Washington) / Work
Today, I stayed over at my boyfriend's house for the first time. He soon found out about my sleep-talking habit. I started ranting about "electron shaming" and I apparently passionately support their "sub-atomic lifestyle". Yes, he managed to get it on video. FML
by wantmeasandwich / 07/10/2015 at 12:57pm / India (Maharashtra) / Miscellaneous
Today, I left my dog in my car for 5 minutes while I ran into a store. The car was running so he was fine, the thing that wasn't so fine is that when I walked out my car wasn't there. My dog somehow moved my car into the middle of a intersection, almost causing an accident. FML
by ej6901 / 06/23/2015 at 4:00pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation
Today, I surprised my 7 and 1.5 year old girls with a princess dinner. I quickly realized it was a scam when the "princesses" arrived looking more suited to a bachelor party. I was able to quickly get the girls out, but have spent the evening explaining why Pocahontas was heavily tattooed. FML
by colorfun / 05/17/2015 at 11:38pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids
by MyNameIsNotJeff / 05/07/2015 at 11:23pm / United States / Animals
by caseyl / 04/15/2015 at 9:42am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Miscellaneous
by burnswhenipee / 04/07/2015 at 8:47pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by NotALuckyGuy / 04/07/2015 at 12:19pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
by billy / 03/31/2015 at 6:54am / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
Today, I had my first therapy session for the issues caused by trying to please my overbearing, paranoid, self-centred mother. The first thing she did after we started driving home? Ranting at me and demanding to know if I'd been "talking shit" about her to my therapist FML
by Anonymous / 03/28/2015 at 11:50am / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Health
Today, three of my dipshit coworkers kept whining all day about Zayne Malik leaving One Direction, how devastating it is, and what it means for their future. As a pacifist, I've never had to struggle so hard to not beat the piss out of people and hurl their broken remains out a window. FML
by Anonymous / 03/25/2015 at 3:00pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…