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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 2 September 1993 (23 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3397
  • Number of comments : 31
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Whirling_Kumquat's page activity

Visits<b>r83839</b> - the 07/23/2016 at 2:02am<b>jordanwilbanks</b> - the 02/27/2016 at 3:34pm<b>Hot_grill</b> - the 11/20/2015 at 11:47am<b>CuriousSnail</b> - the 09/27/2015 at 3:18am<b>plaza249</b> - the 09/17/2015 at 10:43pm<b>Magic8ballFML</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 4:42pm<b>AKanon</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 2:01am<b>heavysigh92</b> - the 06/13/2015 at 1:43pm<b>iRydePwnies</b> - the 04/30/2015 at 12:20am<b>Mukuro</b> - the 04/25/2015 at 7:14pm<b>djfiggz58</b> - the 03/25/2015 at 9:10am<b>depressed_child</b> - the 02/17/2015 at 7:50pm<b>Andrew863</b> - the 01/18/2015 at 4:32pm<b>Sports_guy3</b> - the 11/21/2014 at 4:45pm<b>romaique</b> - the 11/01/2014 at 6:19pm<b>MxAxRxCxO</b> - the 10/30/2014 at 10:25pm<b>officialwestl55</b> - the 10/26/2014 at 10:56pm<b>RadikulRam</b> - the 05/24/2014 at 5:19pm

Whirling_Kumquat's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Whirling_Kumquat's favorite FMLs

Today, at work, my stomach hurt and I passed gas for relief. Moments later, I discovered that my loose, silent "fart" was actually a wet, sneaky shart. The mess was beyond repair; I had to fake a family emergency and crept out of the office so that my coworkers wouldn't see my obvious crap stain. FML

by Few_Absolutes / 10/12/2009 at 2:10pm / United States (Maryland) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was taking a bubble bath, and had my iPod touch on the side of my bathtub so I could listen to my music. My dog walked up to the side of the tub, looked me in the eye, and nudged my iPod into the water. FML

by bubbles / 10/12/2009 at 1:36am / United States / Animals

Today, I had to pretend to give birth in a play. I wanted to make it a realistic as possible but ended up crapping myself on stage by accident. FML

by oxjessiiox / 10/11/2009 at 11:42am / United Kingdom (Leicestershire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML

by BEE / 10/10/2009 at 6:35pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my fiancé was performing oral on me, when I heard him start making a "Waka waka waka waka" noise. He confessed to pretending to be Pacman. FML

by Anonymous / 10/03/2009 at 9:03pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I watched my boyfriend's band play a gig. I also found out he pulls the same faces playing the bass as he does when we have sex. FML

by ohnoooooo / 10/03/2009 at 6:29pm / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Intimacy

Today, my whole family was sitting in the kitchen. My sister was stoned and passed out in our dog's bed. My dad was drunk, yelling "who's your daddy" at his plate of barbecue, and my mom just sat there with that, "what the hell happened to my life" look on her face. FML

by Anonymous / 09/13/2009 at 5:27am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML

by ouchh / 09/11/2009 at 4:46pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I was eating MandMs on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering, "Where is that little bastard?" FML

by awilson / 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML

by ginny / 09/10/2009 at 1:18pm / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy

Today, I was sitting on a park bench with my very elderly grandfather while listening to music at a low volume. Suddenly, he turned to me and said very loudly, "I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD AIDS!" I received strange looks from everyone because he mistook my ear buds for a hearing aid. FML

by Missy / 09/09/2009 at 4:16pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, I was sitting on my boyfriends lap and we were hanging out, talking, and enjoying each other's company. Then he looked into my eyes and right when I thought he was going to kiss me, he said "I can feel your heartbeat on my dick." FML

by awkwardbf / 09/08/2009 at 9:26pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I went para sailing for the first time ever. My friends thought it would be funny to pull down my trunks right before my feet left the boat. I dangled there in the air for the whole resort to see. And I lost my shorts in the ocean. FML

by no_hullabalo / 09/04/2009 at 10:50am / Taiwan (T'ai-wan) / Miscellaneous

Today, while riding in the car with my friends, we stopped at a red light. To our left, a very obese, middle aged man slowly unbuttoned his shirt and spread it out. He then stared at us while massaging his nipples with his thumb and index fingers for the duration of the red light. FML

by Scarred / 09/04/2009 at 1:15am / United States (North Carolina) / Transportation

Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with a blood infection, swollen nuts, and an hole in my butt where I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML

by keeperstride / 09/03/2009 at 3:55pm / United States (California) / Health