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WhatsUpJJ's favorite FMLs
Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML
by Anonymous / 10/28/2012 at 12:44pm / United States / Kids
by friedbutter / 10/28/2012 at 10:53am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I got really bored so I posted on Facebook "Someone should kidnap me for the day." My mom commented, "The only things willing to kidnap you are aliens, and that would be because they'd mistaken you for a cow." 16 people liked her comment. FML
by LonerCow / 01/20/2012 at 10:15am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/05/2011 at 6:59am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/30/2011 at 12:35am / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 07/24/2011 at 4:21pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML
by gir / 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
Today, my parents think that I don't realize all the sexual euphemisms in their conversations. One of the more recent ones being made by my dad at the dinner table: "This sausage is great, honey, but mine is bigger and tastier!" FML
by wittlegirl / 07/13/2011 at 2:16pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML
by Anonymous / 07/13/2011 at 1:02am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by 44haley44 / 07/12/2011 at 1:25pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend who was planning on waiting until marriage for sex decided to have sex with me. It's been 4 hours and she hasn't stopped crying, praying and calling me the devil's temptation. FML
by devilboy / 07/06/2011 at 7:26am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
by davidthegreat / 07/05/2011 at 4:27am / Japan / Intimacy
Today, my son called me from medical school, asking for a new phone. Why? Because he dropped it in the toilet. How? Trying to videotape his anus while taking a dump. I pay $80,000 a year just to hear he took a dump on his phone. FML
by WasteOMoney / 07/03/2011 at 9:50pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by beardedlady / 07/02/2011 at 2:44am / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy
by crazy_bitch122 / 06/29/2011 at 1:13am / United States (California) / Intimacy
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got… 3Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for…