ehh... F my life! :P (Happily F my life that is... haha~)
Today, I walked into my new maths class. I stepped inside only to be yelled at by the teacher for nearly 15 minutes. I was then told never to enter her class again and was sent to the principal. My identical twin brother was in her class the period before me. He also has a thing for older women. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41917) - you totally deserved it (1328)
On 08/06/2009 at 6:10am - misc - by slamo (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I thought it would be sexy to cook dinner in lingerie. Today my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was cooking. I jumped and burned my boobs with boiling cooking oil. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34885) - you totally deserved it (8663)
On 07/13/2009 at 10:25pm - misc - by Ouch (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, while I was working as a waitress, I had to wait on a table of 13 people. I was struggling through it and when they finally left I went by the table to pick up my tip. Instead of a money I got a napkin saying "Here's your tip, don't be a waitress." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39873) - you totally deserved it (3736)
On 07/13/2009 at 10:04pm - work - by Nick (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, my car was impounded because I never registered it in California after moving here. In order to get it back, I need to register it. In order to register it, I need to pass a CA smog check. In order to pass the smog check, I need my car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38984) - you totally deserved it (8244)
On 06/23/2009 at 7:05pm - misc - by nicklesg (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
I agree, your life sucks (51166) - you totally deserved it (5035)
On 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm - kids - by ....... (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, was my birthday. After hinting for almost 2 months for a Wii, my dad pulls out a shiny new Wii Package. The only problem? The box didn't have a Wii in it. My dad gave me a Wii box with my VCR inside and a note saying "This is life. Once you think you're happy, someone crushes it". FML
I agree, your life sucks (61562) - you totally deserved it (4436)
On 06/23/2009 at 4:01am - misc - by Mullbull (man) - United States
Today, my husband and I were having sex in the shower while our 5-year old was sleeping. Apparently, she wasn't sleeping and she asked me what those loud noises were. I told her I was singing. Now I can't get her to stop "singing" in the shower. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11785) - you totally deserved it (37555)
On 06/20/2009 at 12:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was having sex with a girl. Things were getting pretty hot, so I decided to smack her butt. I missed. I smacked my balls instead. Real hard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7787) - you totally deserved it (57985)
On 06/20/2009 at 7:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Switzerland (Bern)
Today, I bought a new mailbox to replace the old one that was stolen. Two hours after I put the new mailbox up, the old one was back and the new one was missing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38991) - you totally deserved it (1585)
On 06/20/2009 at 2:01am - misc - by Dumbass - United States (Florida)
Today, my phone died. I plugged it in to charge and then went out to run some errands. When I returned, my phone was no where to be found, and our shovel was on the floor, muddy and wet. I then discovered my 6-year old son had buried my "dead" 200$ palmpilot because he had felt sorry for me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31633) - you totally deserved it (3508)
On 06/19/2009 at 1:57pm - kids - by no_service (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I had a bath in the bathroom we are currently renovating. There's a big hole in the middle of the floor. When I got out of the bath, I swung one leg across the gap to get a towel from the rack. I drew back my leg and looked down to see my brother's hot friend staring up at me in horror. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30999) - you totally deserved it (11827)
On 06/19/2009 at 9:51am - misc - by ilikeirishducks (woman) - Italy
Today, my older brother told me that no matter how fast you run at automatic sliding doors, they'll open in time. So I ran at a pair. They don't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5533) - you totally deserved it (54723)
On 06/19/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by kat9232000 - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I was vacuuming my car and started to joke around with my six year old brother by sucking up his shirt and hair with the vacuum. I accidently sucked up his penis. My mom has caught him three times with the vacuum now. I turned my brother into a pervert. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24051) - you totally deserved it (38071)
On 06/11/2009 at 12:12am - kids - by Perv (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I decided to confess my feelings to the girl I've had a crush on since the beginning of high school. We agreed to meet at Starbucks, but she was bringing a friend. I didn't care, because I just wanted to tell her how I felt. When I got there, I saw her making out with another girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40704) - you totally deserved it (2531)
On 06/10/2009 at 9:43pm - love - by Ryuga (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was playing a medieval game with my brother, when he took all of his character's clothes off and said, "Let's have sex!" I looked at him and said, "UH YOU ARE MY BROTHER!" He turns and looks at me, smiling and says, "But not in the game!" I am a 19 year old girl. He is 12. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53070) - you totally deserved it (2664)
On 06/10/2009 at 7:07pm - kids - by Sylvania - United States (North Carolina)
