Watermelon2011

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Offline (the 06/24/2015 at 10:46pm)

Watermelon2011

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2781
  • Number of comments : 17
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Watermelon2011's page activity

Visits<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 12:21pm<b>shelzykid</b> - the 03/25/2015 at 12:28am<b>KayDee29</b> - the 03/14/2015 at 8:57pm<b>rieebee</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 1:56pm<b>dragonkisses28</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 12:45am<b>aruam365</b> - the 11/21/2014 at 11:21pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 6:08pm<b>TurquoiseJesus</b> - the 07/02/2014 at 7:44pm<b>abombination</b> - the 06/30/2014 at 12:23am<b>julesvasquez</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 11:02pm<b>Kittiecat511</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 10:25pm<b>bingo__O</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 10:25pm<b>idkyiam</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 9:34pm<b>josiah77</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 7:54pm<b>urbantrashcan</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 6:53pm<b>Federgirl</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 6:50pm<b>tuckit</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 6:18pm<b>smittyboy123</b> - the 06/16/2014 at 8:49am

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 6:21pm

Watermelon2011's FML badges

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Watermelon2011's favorite FMLs

Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML

by Anonymous / 12/01/2014 at 12:55pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, after a huge fight, my girlfriend started coming onto me. I thought it was actual make-up sex and went along with it. It was great, until she suddenly shoved me off her just as I was almost ready to come. She smugly announced she was dumping me, got dressed, then left. FML

by blueballed / 11/29/2014 at 4:08pm / Germany (Schleswig-Holstein) / Intimacy

Today, I had to end a first date with the words, "You can get out of my car and go upstairs yourself, or I can come around and drag you out, bring you up the stairs, and knock on your door," because he'd gotten completely plastered in a span of about three hours. And yes, I had to drag him. FML

Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside me at the urinal. The breach of bathroom etiquette then escalated to him taking a long look down at me and saying "Nice sack, dude." followed by him finishing up and leaving without even washing his hands. FML

by Anonymous / 11/20/2014 at 11:35am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML

by Sinnersinner / 09/21/2014 at 7:27am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I had to stop at a gas station to go to the bathroom. A sign on the door told people to knock since the door didn't lock. As I was peeing, a lady walked in on me. Rather than simply saying sorry and shutting the damn door, she opened it wider and stepped in to apologize. FML

by rabid_otaku / 09/20/2014 at 7:39pm / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, I had a seizure while at the airport, ready to go on vacation with my family. We ended up missing our flight. My mom spent most of the ride home making cracks about how I'm always ruining things with my "dramatics". Sorry that I have epilepsy, mom. FML

by Anonymous / 08/08/2014 at 7:25pm / Sweden (Vasternorrlands Lan) / Health

Today, I couldn't find my vibrator. After searching for an hour I decided to ask my husband. He quickly shook his head no. We've been married for ten years. I know when he's lying. FML

by Anonymous / 06/27/2014 at 9:02pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, while searching a woman for contraband as part of my job, she kept making sexual noises throughout. After I finished, she hugged me and went on her way. I really need a new job. FML

by ohdear. / 03/29/2014 at 7:07pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work

Today, my Jewish boyfriend came over for my extended family's Easter party. My grandmother made fun of him for being Jewish so badly, that he left, crying. She doesn't see what she did wrong. FML

by aabadaba / 04/01/2013 at 1:23am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, a girl came up to me on the street and said, "You have like no swag, bro." Feeling clever, I said, "At least I have a high school education." She then took out her work ID, showing me that she was a surgeon, flipped me off, then walked away saying, "This is totally going on Facebook." FML

by Anonymous / 02/11/2013 at 10:26am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML

by oh no / 01/29/2013 at 9:51am / Canada (Quebec) / Health

Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing out while chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. FML

by Anonymous / 01/28/2013 at 11:23pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, I was on a ladder at work, fetching some stock from one of the storage shelves. Some teenage kid thought it would be fucking hilarious to grab the ladder and violently shake it. He hadn't bet on me being startled enough to fall off and fracture my elbow on the floor. FML

by fucking teen cunts / 01/27/2013 at 4:59pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML

by Anonymous / 01/27/2013 at 1:03am / United States (Georgia) / Love