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Watermelon2011

Offline (the 12/16/2014 at 4:32am) | Search for a member

Watermelon2011

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 1644
  • Number of comments : 17
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Watermelon2011's page activity

Visits<b>aruam365</b> - the 11/21/2014 at 11:21pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 6:08pm<b>TurquoiseJesus</b> - the 07/02/2014 at 7:44pm<b>abombination</b> - the 06/30/2014 at 12:23am<b>julesvasquez</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 11:02pm<b>Kittiecat511</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 10:25pm<b>bingo__O</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 10:25pm<b>idkyiam</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 9:34pm<b>josiah77</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 7:54pm<b>urbantrashcan</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 6:53pm<b>Federgirl</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 6:50pm<b>tuckit</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 6:18pm<b>smittyboy123</b> - the 06/16/2014 at 8:49am<b>olpally</b> - the 06/16/2014 at 2:04am<b>BrotherTheo</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 12:38pm<b>dying_to_know</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 10:18am<b>syed121417</b> - the 05/30/2014 at 9:29pm<b>AllThatXO</b> - the 05/25/2014 at 9:42am

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Watermelon2011's favorite FMLs

Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML

#21309415
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42409) - you deserved it (10756)

On 12/01/2014 at 12:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after a huge fight, my girlfriend started coming onto me. I thought it was actual make-up sex and went along with it. It was great, until she suddenly shoved me off her just as I was almost ready to come. She smugly announced she was dumping me, got dressed, then left. FML

#21308219
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34838) - you deserved it (5753)

On 11/29/2014 at 4:08pm - intimacy - by blueballed (man) - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)

Today, I had to end a first date with the words, "You can get out of my car and go upstairs yourself, or I can come around and drag you out, bring you up the stairs, and knock on your door," because he'd gotten completely plastered in a span of about three hours. And yes, I had to drag him. FML

Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside me at the urinal. The breach of bathroom etiquette then escalated to him taking a long look down at me and saying "Nice sack, dude." followed by him finishing up and leaving without even washing his hands. FML

#21302695
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29189) - you deserved it (2264)

On 11/20/2014 at 11:35am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML

#21262317
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40242) - you deserved it (5631)

On 09/21/2014 at 7:27am - intimacy - by Sinnersinner - United States (California)

Today, I had to stop at a gas station to go to the bathroom. A sign on the door told people to knock since the door didn't lock. As I was peeing, a lady walked in on me. Rather than simply saying sorry and shutting the damn door, she opened it wider and stepped in to apologize. FML

#21262000
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34275) - you deserved it (2393)

On 09/20/2014 at 7:39pm - misc - by rabid_otaku - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had a seizure while at the airport, ready to go on vacation with my family. We ended up missing our flight. My mom spent most of the ride home making cracks about how I'm always ruining things with my "dramatics". Sorry that I have epilepsy, mom. FML

#21232741
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47761) - you deserved it (2873)

On 08/08/2014 at 7:25pm - health - by Anonymous - Sweden (Vasternorrlands Lan)

Today, I couldn't find my vibrator. After searching for an hour I decided to ask my husband. He quickly shook his head no. We've been married for ten years. I know when he's lying. FML

#21190761
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42597) - you deserved it (8658)

On 06/27/2014 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, while searching a woman for contraband as part of my job, she kept making sexual noises throughout. After I finished, she hugged me and went on her way. I really need a new job. FML

#21099601
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37808) - you deserved it (4346)

On 03/29/2014 at 7:07pm - work - by ohdear. (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my Jewish boyfriend came over for my extended family's Easter party. My grandmother made fun of him for being Jewish so badly, that he left, crying. She doesn't see what she did wrong. FML

#20569420
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36738) - you deserved it (4102)

On 04/01/2013 at 1:23am - misc - by aabadaba (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my wife finally came home from deployment. Apparently, in the military she really built up some muscle. When she saw me at the airport, she picked me up like a baby and spun me around in her arms a few times. I'm a little scared of her now. FML

#20530533
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38997) - you deserved it (9418)

On 03/04/2013 at 2:36am - love - by married to wonder woman (man) - United States (California)

Today, a girl came up to me on the street and said, "You have like no swag, bro." Feeling clever, I said, "At least I have a high school education." She then took out her work ID, showing me that she was a surgeon, flipped me off, then walked away saying, "This is totally going on Facebook." FML

#20502122
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29623) - you deserved it (27424)

On 02/11/2013 at 10:26am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML

#20484554
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29251) - you deserved it (2938)

On 01/29/2013 at 9:51am - health - by oh no (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing out while chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. FML

#20484025
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7840) - you deserved it (40971)

On 01/28/2013 at 11:23pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was on a ladder at work, fetching some stock from one of the storage shelves. Some teenage kid thought it would be fucking hilarious to grab the ladder and violently shake it. He hadn't bet on me being startled enough to fall off and fracture my elbow on the floor. FML

#20481589
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32754) - you deserved it (2098)

On 01/27/2013 at 4:59pm - health - by fucking teen cunts (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)



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