Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Warmonger_Smurf

Offline (18 hours ago) | Search for a member

Warmonger_Smurf

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1263
  • Number of comments : 339
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About Warmonger_Smurf : I read FML's on my down time.

Warmonger_Smurf's page activity

Visits<b>worldclassrager</b> - the 12/10/2014 at 2:10am<b>Topsaber</b> - the 11/06/2014 at 4:58pm<b>Acid1260</b> - the 11/05/2014 at 9:42am<b>sam882</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 2:10pm<b>Amant97</b> - the 10/29/2014 at 7:06pm<b>andiiibandiii526</b> - the 09/05/2014 at 12:10pm<b>jman1028</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 10:06am<b>jayeterror775</b> - the 08/24/2014 at 6:53pm<b>StupidMonkey497</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 1:18pm<b>ManOnTheMoon1849</b> - the 08/22/2014 at 10:44pm<b>Allusivness</b> - the 08/22/2014 at 6:20pm<b>paramor3</b> - the 08/22/2014 at 7:26am<b>Farmillionaire</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 1:34pm<b>ksktwin84</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 8:03am<b>JensenAckles</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 4:17pm<b>mr_t_07</b> - the 08/15/2014 at 5:19am<b>boobear19883</b> - the 08/15/2014 at 3:17am<b>DrSkillz</b> - the 08/14/2014 at 10:56pm

Warmonger_Smurf's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

See all of Warmonger_Smurf's badges

Warmonger_Smurf's favorite FMLs

Today, my wife woke me up by giving my erect penis a Chinese burn. FML

#19540366
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28368) - you deserved it (3194)

On 04/28/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by poo4brains - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, my daughter told me that when she dies, she'd like her ashes spread on her laptop. FML

#19475890
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22147) - you deserved it (3056)

On 04/15/2012 at 11:10pm - kids - by sigh (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I got a text from my mom saying, "I heard the cupcake store got robbed. Where are you?" Then she texted back, "Oh never mind, they wanted money, not cupcakes. It wasn't you." Very funny, Mom. FML

#19062994
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24062) - you deserved it (4523)

On 02/13/2012 at 2:09am - misc - by cieee - United States (Texas)

Today, I showed off my new tattoo to my friends. Too bad it says "Walk Earless" now instead of "Walk Fearless." That's right, I'm now supporting Van Gogh. FML

#18997714
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12776) - you deserved it (26668)

On 02/05/2012 at 12:54am - misc - by inked - United States (Alabama)

Today, I started a new medication, not paying much notice to the one side effect: "unusual vaginal secretions". They're unusual alright, they glued my underwear to my skin. FML

#18812557
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33102) - you deserved it (3759)

On 01/15/2012 at 4:00am - intimacy - by involuntary waxing - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my eleven year old sister came in, and bitched to me and my boyfriend about how she was going to tell my mom about the used condom she found. My boyfriend punched her in the face. FML

#18022495
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51954) - you deserved it (16578)

On 10/19/2011 at 10:37am - intimacy - by lolilovemyboyfriend (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while lying in bed with my boyfriend after some steamy lovemaking, he sat up, slapped my ass with excruciating force, and screamed, "I AM THE THUNDER!" directly into my ear. It seems our senses of humor differ considerably. FML

#17984134
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29304) - you deserved it (5990)

On 10/14/2011 at 7:03pm - intimacy - by myasshurts - United States (Michigan)

Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML

#17981940
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44988) - you deserved it (5042)

On 10/14/2011 at 12:11pm - kids - by MLGreco - United States

Today, I learned no matter how much your friends pressure you, you must never snort lines of curry powder. FML

Today, I overheard my parents planning on how to get me to move out of the house. It's my house. They only came to visit and forgot to leave. FML

#17668711
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38568) - you deserved it (2781)

On 09/05/2011 at 6:59am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I walked into my shed to find my daughter's boyfriend asleep and completely duct-taped to the ceiling, with his face painted like a clown. FML

#17628781
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31914) - you deserved it (3056)

On 08/31/2011 at 10:00am - kids - by piece of shed - United States (New York)

Today, I found out apparently, I have a weird looking vagina. How? My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He took one look at my vagina and with a look of horror said, "I have never seen one this GROSS." He's a gynecologist and probably sees 20 vaginas a day. FML

#17536285
469 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58194) - you deserved it (7183)

On 08/21/2011 at 5:59am - intimacy - by Username - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend freaked out on me because I answered her call on the first ring. According to her, it implies that I'm desperate, always horny, and just want her for the sex. Just last week she got pissed because I waited three rings to answer. Apparently that means I'm cheating on her. FML

#17390536
446 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41175) - you deserved it (5968)

On 08/06/2011 at 8:27pm - love - by FML! - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend fingered me. He never cuts his nails. It felt like I was getting intimate with Wolverine. FML

#17107547
295 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49263) - you deserved it (14564)

On 07/14/2011 at 12:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

#17080549
528 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20316) - you deserved it (52368)

On 07/12/2011 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by 44haley44 - United States



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Xmas illustrated FML
  • Here we go, final lap before Christmas is finally upon us. Although, you could say we've been subjected to quite a few strains of Christmas already. The decorations are up since mid-August, and certain family…

Friday 19 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: