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WalnutGaming's favorite FMLs
by lamed / 12/04/2009 at 5:01pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boss called me into her office to tell me I needed to mind my own business and not question everything my newest co-worker does. Yesterday, I stopped the new girl from giving $6,000 to the wrong person. I was fired on the spot. The new girl was promoted into my job. FML
by Anonymous / 11/22/2009 at 2:31am / United States (Washington) / Work
by clueless / 10/29/2009 at 12:09am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by justfired / 09/28/2009 at 10:57pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Work
Today, I got it on for the first time with a guy I've been dating. He had to turn the TV up loud so that his mom couldn't hear anything. I'm 20 years old and I lost my virginity with Disney Channel blaring in the background. FML
by seriouslystupid / 09/23/2009 at 8:08pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was at a birthday party and got my face rubbed in with a cake. When I came out of the restroom having washed my face I noticed one of the girls going in. Just to be nice I asked, "They put cake on your face too, did they?" She said no, that was just her make-up. FML
by nickname / 09/14/2009 at 5:21am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Miscellaneous
Today, I hooked up with the guy I've been seeing. Apparently he doesn't believe in condoms and took it off without my knowing; I didn't realize until after. When I asked him in horror why he would do such a thing, he said "I love you. I want you to have my child." It had been our second date. FML
by SoniaLovesYou / 08/09/2009 at 2:07pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I was proudly telling my husband that I only gained 8lbs through the pregnancy thus far. I usually obsess over my weight so it was a great accomplishment for me. He then turned and pinched my arms. "well it looks like all the fat migrated to your arms." FML
by fatpreggo / 08/07/2009 at 4:14pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a check-up with my dermatologist. When I took off my pants, she noticed a small mark on my penis and was concerned. I had to inform her that it was not in fact a mole, but a bruise from getting it stuck in a Snapple bottle two days prior to the check-up. FML
by Best-stuf-on-Earth / 07/12/2009 at 3:07am / United States (California) / Health
Today, I was working at the mall as the girl that stands around giving out samples of the foods. This guy came up to me and we were flirting for at least 30 mins. With the tray in one hand, I gave him my cell to put his number in it. He ran away with my phone. FML
by joybirdnot_13 / 07/08/2009 at 8:08am / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, I came home to find a BMW partially blocking my driveway. I was already having a bad day, and was upset that some stuck up fool blocked my driveway, so I keyed the driver's side. 5 minutes later my parents show up. The BMW was a graduation gift for me. FML
by Stoopid / 07/07/2009 at 1:25pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I decided to get back into shape and go for a run. With a 1/4 mile left to run, I saw a hot chick a block ahead of me running. Trying to show off I ran hard and passed her stopping just outside my complex. I started to throw up right as she came past me because I had run so hard to pass her. FML
by DMO / 07/07/2009 at 1:26am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
Today, I decided that I was going to get my front license plate put back on my car after two years of having it off. In these two years I somehow never got pulled over for it, as it is illegal to drive without one in MD. On my way there, I got pulled over for not having a front license plate. FML
by dm206 / 06/10/2009 at 1:47pm / United States (Maryland) / Transportation
Today, as I was running a cute guy was coming towards me. As he was passing me, he yelled "nice tush!" I said thanks and slapped my ass flirtatiously. He stopped running, laughed and pointed to my crotch, replying "No, I said nice BUSH" I looked down to see my shorts had rode up a bit too high. FML
by schmoodles / 05/06/2009 at 8:20pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, my friend was pulled over and told to get out of the car. The officer motioned for me to get out of the car too so I reached behind me to get my shoes. He then pointed his gun at my face and frantically asked my friend if I had a gun. My friend calmly replied "No, but shoot him anyway." FML
by Daniel_rules / 04/17/2009 at 1:02pm / United States (Indiana) / Transportation
- Today, I saw a drunk woman drop her purse in the street. I picked it up and went to give it to her,… Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. Halfway through he asked me what day it was. I told him,… Today, my new boyfriend and I really wanted to have sex, but he went soft as soon as he entered me.…