Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Voltze

Offline (18 hours ago) | Search for a member

Voltze

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 231
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Voltze : who needs a boyfriend when youve got a cat.

Voltze's page activity

Visits<b>ashleylove0525</b> - the 09/01/2014 at 9:35pm<b>Ryanc621</b> - the 05/12/2014 at 3:44pm<b>tuckit</b> - the 05/08/2014 at 8:48pm<b>dragonkisses28</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 9:53am<b>TordNorski</b> - the 04/30/2014 at 12:00pm<b>Way2Fast8</b> - the 04/23/2014 at 12:02am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/18/2014 at 12:46am<b>ThomasBombadil</b> - the 04/09/2014 at 6:53pm<b>f36k</b> - the 04/07/2014 at 7:33am

Voltze's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

See all of Voltze's badges

Voltze's favorite FMLs

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML

#21112870
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56013) - you deserved it (7048)

On 04/14/2014 at 4:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML

#21054451
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48527) - you deserved it (9544)

On 02/08/2014 at 1:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I watched my father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He tried to play it cool, said, "Haircuts are too expensive these days anyway." and walked out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. FML

Today, I tried waxing for the first time. At first it felt like I'd dipped my balls in a furnace. Now I can't even feel them. FML

#21011655
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35751) - you deserved it (20470)

On 12/31/2013 at 2:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML

#20972170
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31029) - you deserved it (14721)

On 11/27/2013 at 3:44am - health - by MissYouPieceOfSkin (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I turned 30. While all my friends are getting married, furthering careers and having children, I'm still sat around being as immature as I was as a teenager. I'm going through a classic case of premature age-jaculation. I laughed for 10 minutes after coming up with that. FML

Today, my grandma has been running around the neighborhood, dressed as Bobo the Evil Clown, chasing trick-or-treaters. All I've been able to do is chase after her, and apologize to the terrified children's families. FML

#20941017
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37203) - you deserved it (3284)

On 11/01/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by bobosgonnagetyou - United States (Oregon)

Today, at work, I had a customer accuse me of taking the giftcard I had issued her for her return, after spending 15 minutes trying to fix her screwed up transaction. She began to yell, and follow me around the store. Security had to intervene and I had to be locked in an office until she left. FML

#20935219
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36738) - you deserved it (2354)

On 10/27/2013 at 12:57am - work - by KatieElizabeth (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realised that I can tell my 6 cats apart by the sound of their paws on the carpet. I think I need friends. FML

#20803453
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44483) - you deserved it (8821)

On 07/25/2013 at 8:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - South Africa

Today, my daughter found out what happens when my husband watches Mythbusters and doesn't heed the disclaimer to "Not try this at home." He feels bad about her cut face, but says he's proud he can throw a playing card that hard. FML

Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML

#20477055
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25056) - you deserved it (48111)

On 01/24/2013 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by chase (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, multiple people admired my elaborate face paint. This happens every Halloween, at least every Halloween since I got badly burnt in a car accident. FML

#20142623
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42956) - you deserved it (1681)

On 11/01/2012 at 7:17am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull, City of)

Today, my mom was feeling down, so I decided to buy her a gift. Knowing she likes lighthouses, I bought her a tiny one that plugs in and lights up. I brought it home, plugged it in, and when she saw me with it, she said, "Wipe that smirk off your face and get that junk out of here." FML

Today, after a very painful mouth surgery, I went home to take a nap. Then my nose started bleeding, so I stuck a tissue in it and fell asleep. When I woke up, I was so high from painkillers that when I saw the tissue, I thought it was a ghost. I screamed so loud I burst a stitch. FML

#19750023
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30498) - you deserved it (4574)

On 06/07/2012 at 2:12pm - health - by LaurenB (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)



FML's blog

  • Krumla's Illustrated FML
  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: