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Vegetarian27

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Vegetarian27

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  • Number of visits : 2506
  • Number of comments : 74
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Vegetarian27's page activity

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Vegetarian27's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend tried to wake me with a handjob. Because I'm a very light sleeper, I woke straight away and instinctively punched whoever was touching my dick. She forgave me, but I don't think her father ever will once he finds out. FML

#20125284
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19958) - you deserved it (4602)

On 10/20/2012 at 1:29pm - love - by nahalDZ - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, my husband informed me that he recently slept with a secretary of his to become better at sex for me. I don't know what's worse, the fact that he cheated on me or that he seriously believes that he has a reasonable excuse. FML

#20124966
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26646) - you deserved it (1889)

On 10/20/2012 at 4:49am - love - by Enragedbitch - United States (California)

Today, my dad saw on TV that in some parts of Africa, it's not uncommon for people to attach make-shift flamethrowers to their cars to defend against carjackers. He's now lost his mind and is forcing me to help him put one together to scare off Jehovah's Witnesses. FML

#20124199
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17697) - you deserved it (1996)

On 10/19/2012 at 5:39pm - misc - by Watchtower? More like fortress. (man) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, my mom was feeling down, so I decided to buy her a gift. Knowing she likes lighthouses, I bought her a tiny one that plugs in and lights up. I brought it home, plugged it in, and when she saw me with it, she said, "Wipe that smirk off your face and get that junk out of here." FML

Today, at the age of 57, my dad got a unicorn tattooed on his shoulder. FML

#20120590
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23214) - you deserved it (3917) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/17/2012 at 1:18am - love - by Anonymous - France (Bretagne)

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML

#20120541
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25363) - you deserved it (6577)

On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States

Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML

#20119371
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30911) - you deserved it (18129)

On 10/16/2012 at 8:36am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I got a call from my son's school saying to pick him up because he'd shat his pants. He's in high school. FML

#20119263
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24917) - you deserved it (2526)

On 10/16/2012 at 4:07am - kids - by Mike - United States

Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML

#20118693
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26881) - you deserved it (3324)

On 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I learned from my daughter's teacher that she has been wearing the same shirt for the past few weeks, ever since we had a fight about how I don't pay attention to her. FML

#20117763
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6690) - you deserved it (55044)

On 10/15/2012 at 6:28am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He decided that the best time would be while I was giving him a blowjob. He then seemed confused as to why I didn't finish. FML

#20114701
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33471) - you deserved it (3173)

On 10/13/2012 at 8:04am - intimacy - by notthebesttime -

Today, as I was rushing to get out for work, I opened my door just in time to witness a large snake slither into my home. I had no choice but to lock it inside and go to work. I've now spent several hours searching for it with my friends, and we can't find it. I'm scared to go to sleep. FML

#20114536
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23967) - you deserved it (5649)

On 10/13/2012 at 2:35am - animals - by afraidtosleep - United States (Texas)

Today, after confronting my boyfriend about cheating on me, he confessed to everything. I was caught off guard by his honesty, but not nearly as caught off guard as I was when he eagerly questioned me on when our breakup sex will be. FML

#20113249
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29108) - you deserved it (2666)

On 10/12/2012 at 5:27am - intimacy - by You're NOT getting lucky today hun (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my roommate set her extremely loud alarm clock for 5am and continued to hit the snooze button every ten minutes until 7:30. FML

#20110486
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24443) - you deserved it (1649)

On 10/10/2012 at 1:38pm - misc - by tiredofthis - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML

#20110144
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27439) - you deserved it (4723)

On 10/10/2012 at 4:43am - animals - by assholecat (woman) - Australia (Queensland)



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