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Vegetarian27

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Vegetarian27

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  • Number of visits : 3560
  • Number of comments : 131
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Vegetarian27's favorite FMLs

Today, my mom got drunk at our family reunion and told everyone how worried she is that my "excessive masturbation" would damage the nerves in both my dick and arm. FML

#20939123
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46363) - you deserved it (7939)

On 10/30/2013 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by goodgrief (man) - United States (California)

Today, I rushed to a dentist's appointment. Once in the chair, I apologized for not having had the time to brush my teeth beforehand. He responded with, "Ah that's alright, I just took a piss and forgot to wash my hands." FML

#20937985
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45833) - you deserved it (12430)

On 10/29/2013 at 2:57pm - health - by Anonymous - Zimbabwe

Today, I went to school without any makeup on. The guys who usually compliment me for being pretty are now calling me "The Greatest Illusion Ever". FML

#20936906
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44110) - you deserved it (19587)

On 10/28/2013 at 4:31pm - misc - by The greatest Illusion ever (woman) - United States

Today, I failed hard at a color test. I thought it was a joke because most of the colors looked the same to me. Now I know why people laugh at my clothes color choices. FML

#20936339
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45155) - you deserved it (3137)

On 10/28/2013 at 12:51am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I reminded my husband that I was on my period, so he wouldn't try to fool around with me. A few hours later, his goldfish-like memory kicked in and he stuck his hand down my pants while we were going to bed. I was wearing a maxi pad. FML

#20935542
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53547) - you deserved it (5225)

On 10/27/2013 at 11:26am - intimacy - by SharkWeek (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML

#20933730
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53230) - you deserved it (9108)

On 10/25/2013 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by Dick the Greater (man) -

Today, as a science teacher, I did a science experiment in front of a class. One of my students asked me if it was "photoshopped." He was being serious. FML

#20930096
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42248) - you deserved it (2825)

On 10/22/2013 at 10:24am - kids - by jdawn99 - United States (Kansas)

Today, I realized how bad my OCD is when I accidentally got a paper cut and I was annoyed by the fact that the cut wasn't in a straight line. FML

#20927328
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42004) - you deserved it (6268)

On 10/20/2013 at 10:34am - health - by Teiu88 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my otherwise lovely boyfriend of a month showed his true colors. He freaked out when he learned that I use tampons instead of pads. He yelled that using them is like cheating on him, because his penis is the only thing that should ever enter me. FML

#20925494
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53675) - you deserved it (5085)

On 10/18/2013 at 7:01pm - love - by O-|---<=~ (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, in revenge for me pulling the old salt-in-the-soda prank on him, my dad showed up at my college dressed in a tight blouse and miniskirt, demanding that I come home early with him. I think I'm going to be lynched next time I go to class. FML

#20919140
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36413) - you deserved it (12294)

On 10/13/2013 at 5:20pm - misc - by HSampsON (man) - Niger (Niamey)

Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML

#20918730
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21634) - you deserved it (81560)

On 10/13/2013 at 10:38am - love - by not getting laid - United States (Texas)

Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML

#20915065
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48276) - you deserved it (16255)

On 10/10/2013 at 11:40am - intimacy - by DisgustinglyFrustrated - Argentina (Santa Fe)

Today, I was playing soccer when a player kicked the ball at my crotch. In pain, I kneeled down. The referee came up to me and whispered, "The smaller they are, the more it hurts." FML

#20911508
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41586) - you deserved it (3598)

On 10/07/2013 at 8:21pm - misc - by Agax (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was on a dinner date with a guy I really like. I guess I was on my phone too much because halfway through the date he sent me a text saying how much my half of the bill would be. FML

#20904456
317 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16539) - you deserved it (109595)

On 10/02/2013 at 8:43am - love - by Lilly (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, and for the fifth week in a row, my dad has been moping around and acting pissy about everything because his psycho girlfriend won't talk to him. He now claims his life is over. I'm being raised by a teenage girl. FML



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