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About VasilisaUzhasnaj : Soviet weeaboo artist.
The Thumb returns
You have thumbed 5000 comments.
I’m your new creative director
You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.
The Thumb strikes back
You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.
Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML
Today, in college, we were asked at what age girls tend to become physically attractive. Wrongly thinking the answer was in relation to puberty, I said "Umm... 11 or 12?" Now everyone thinks I'm some kind of pedophile. FML
Today, I was going for my morning walk, when a guy in a massive truck drove up beside me, with a kid no more than 4 riding shotgun. I lost my faith in humanity when his tiny voice yelled through the window, "Nice ass!" FML
Today, I was replaced in the symphony I play in. I play the clarinet, and a standard symphony only uses two, so getting into one can be quite competitive. My conductor's reasoning? "I was sure you were going to college." I never mentioned college to him, other than saying I wasn't going. FML
Today, I was checking my schedule online and noticed that I wasn't scheduled for any shifts next week. Not thinking it was a big deal, I called HR to get it corrected, only to find out I was laid off and they "forgot" to tell me. FML
Today, my mother told me that she and my father aren't coming to my wedding if my estranged brother who stopped talking to me two years ago isn't invited. She claims they don't want to choose sides. Brother: 1. Me: 0. FML
Today, I had to take bus to work, because yesterday my car was hit by a bus. While standing there, I noticed the driver kept looking back at me every now and then. As I went to get off, he looks at me again and says: "Sorry..." FML
Today, my sister introduced me to her new, deaf boyfriend. She proudly proclaimed that she was trying to learn sign language for his sake, so he wouldn't have to read her lips. I'm also deaf and have been trying to get her to do the same for me for 20 goddamn years. FML
Today, after years of wonderful flying experiences, I boarded a flight and took my seat only to find a baby sitting in front of me, behind me, and to the right of me, and across the aisle from me. All of whom decided to cry in unison. It was a 9-hour flight. FML
Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML
Friday 12 December 2014