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VampOfSavannah's favorite FMLs
by somuchhatesolittleworld / 05/09/2016 at 10:00pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by tellyc / 04/25/2016 at 10:36pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids
Today, I started my period almost a week earlier than I expected to. I also happened to be at the beach with a guy that I really liked when it started. He was the one who noticed, and he informed me by saying that we couldn't go back in the water or we would be eaten by sharks. FML
by Unsuspecting / 04/16/2016 at 8:23am / United States / Health
Today, I was hauling cow shit. I had a car following me very closely, so I turned on the spreader to get them to back off. It was a cop. I got pulled over in a tractor for spraying cow shit on a cop car. FML
by farmingman / 04/14/2016 at 7:24pm / United States (Missouri) / Work
by Anonymous / 04/14/2016 at 1:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Lanthane / 03/31/2016 at 2:00am / France (Aquitaine) / Animals
Today, I tried to train my cat to scratch the scratching post by giving her a treat every time she used it, but she took that as getting a treat every time she scratched something. Now, not only does she scratch all my furniture, but she also meows for a treat while doing it. FML
by angrypetowner / 03/28/2016 at 11:24pm / United States (Missouri) / Animals
by momlife / 03/28/2016 at 4:45pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by Anonymous / 03/28/2016 at 4:23pm / United States / Love
by Desiree_lianne / 03/26/2016 at 5:02pm / United States / Love
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and steamy in the shower, until I slipped and fell backwards into the shower curtain, which caused me to hit the back of my head on the toilet seat, and the bar of the shower curtain to land on my throat. FML
by Hotdamn / 03/21/2016 at 12:32am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by tango-c / 03/17/2016 at 3:56pm / United States (Colorado) / Work
Today, in my self-defense class, we did an attack simulation. As I began to hit my attacker, my fist hit the top of his helmet, dislocating my shoulder. I then spent the next hour in the ER sobbing until it was popped back in. I need to learn to defend myself against myself. FML
by inpain / 03/17/2016 at 12:56am / United States (California) / Health
Today, I went into a store for an interview. I've had several places wanting to talk to me and this job was a lot lower paying. I got a little cocky and when offered the job, I said I wanted some time to finish my other interviews first and see what my options were. The manager then took back his offer. FML
by Jeanna / 03/15/2016 at 7:14pm / United States (Kentucky) / Work
Today, an old man wanted to return a fryer. The box had blood smears all over it, so I told him no. He became irate and demanded a manager. Management said, "Hell no and don't touch that box." When I came back, he was licking a paper towel and attempting to wipe off the blood. FML
by leafynitemare / 03/08/2016 at 2:20pm / United States (California) / Work
- Today, the babysitter informed me that she "couldn't" change my two-year-old's diaper today because… Today, I had a 14 year old call me selfish because I don't want any kids. He then proceeded to tell… Today,my husband decided he needs to be a truck driver. That means our 7 weeks of marriage will be…