Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

VampOfSavannah

Search for a member

VampOfSavannah

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 14 April 1987 (27 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits :
  • Number of comments : 137
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

VampOfSavannah's page activity

Visits<b>Whiplash169</b> - yesterday at 11:13am<b>lisaint</b> - the 10/27/2014 at 1:23pm<b>Jake3752</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 5:31pm<b>Semperfi92340</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 3:22pm<b>robertd73</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 8:06am<b>Drag0nb0rn</b> - the 09/20/2014 at 10:24pm<b>Lct1196</b> - the 09/20/2014 at 6:51am<b>Welshite</b> - the 09/20/2014 at 12:35am<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 9:44pm<b>nataliewby</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 10:14am<b>Purrrvana</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 3:45am<b>simplysarcastics</b> - the 09/13/2014 at 3:56am<b>thenick_m</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 7:47pm<b>Tobiaspe</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 4:15am<b>yourbestguess</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 1:47am<b>annarcheer</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 3:02pm<b>codester123</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 9:15am<b>Jaager</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 2:22pm

Liked!<b>robertd73</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 2:06pm

VampOfSavannah's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of VampOfSavannah's badges

VampOfSavannah's favorite FMLs

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

#21278553
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35261) - you deserved it (3721)

On 10/15/2014 at 7:36pm - misc - by facepalm (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in the missionary position. Once again, our cat decided to crawl onto his back and stare at me. FML

#21276776
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32657) - you deserved it (4513)

On 10/13/2014 at 6:20am - intimacy - by Drafrica (woman) - South Africa

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

#21255419
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41943) - you deserved it (11675)

On 09/09/2014 at 11:16pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, it was my great aunt's funeral. We all had to wait two hours for the service to begin, because they forgot to dig the grave. FML

#21247920
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37621) - you deserved it (2241)

On 08/29/2014 at 2:54pm - misc - by abbshows (man) - United States

Today, after moving into my new house, I woke up to strange sounds coming from the kitchen. I panicked and started sobbing, convinced it was either a robbery or a home invasion. Turned out it was just my cat. FML

#21247811
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27418) - you deserved it (10501)

On 08/29/2014 at 11:38am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my brother told my 3 year old son that cool kids call their parents by their real names. This wouldn't be half as bad if he hadn't also convinced my son that my real name was Satan. FML

#21247749
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39188) - you deserved it (3449)

On 08/29/2014 at 8:35am - kids - by Amithatevil - Japan (Kanagawa)

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

#21247229
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38233) - you deserved it (2804)

On 08/28/2014 at 3:58pm - love - by wowzer (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

#21235845
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40533) - you deserved it (25545)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, there are people working in my bathroom. I have the shits. The only place I could think to go was in my cats litter box. I've used it twice and am now contemplating using it a third time. FML

#21220246
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38479) - you deserved it (6618)

On 07/25/2014 at 11:54am - animals - by shewhopoopsinlitterboxes (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was doing a design sketch for work. I snapped a pic and sent it to my boss. She replied, "Impressive. Nice sketch too." I was drawing at home, naked. My dick was in the picture. FML

Today, a customer threatened to smash my face in because I wouldn't give him a veteran's discount on a donut. He looked like he'd eaten his way out of fat camp, and it seemed the only action he'd seen was fighting his way into a lard factory. Still, he swung fast, and I now have a black eye. FML

#21219507
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39181) - you deserved it (16272)

On 07/24/2014 at 5:23pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML

#21207158
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42412) - you deserved it (7008)

On 07/12/2014 at 4:19pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

#21206318
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44250) - you deserved it (8279)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:38pm - animals - by and god shat (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

#21206177
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40269) - you deserved it (6115)

On 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm - health - by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



FML's blog

  • Krumla's Illustrated FML
  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: