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Today, I choked on a gummy bear and ended up in the emergency room. The first thing the doctor said to me was, "Well, that must have been 'beary' uncomfortable." The entire room burst into laughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19891) - you deserved it (6928)
On 03/05/2012 at 7:43pm - health - by Kayla - United States
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through a text message. In retaliation, I started typing a long list of everything I hate about her. Just as I pressed the send button, she text me again saying "Just joking. You know I'd never leave you. Love you babe :)" FML
I agree, your life sucks (32961) - you deserved it (19748)
On 03/04/2012 at 12:02am - love - by Autocorrected (man) - Philippines (Bulacan)
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I dated smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12851) - you deserved it (38810)
On 12/20/2011 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Ryan - United States (Arizona)
Today, I talked to my dad about joining the military. He got up, laughed, and said, "As if the army would accept a pussy like you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24199) - you deserved it (4621)
On 12/16/2011 at 12:30am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, my mother sold my extensive Star Wars collection, and I cried when I found out. I'm 46. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22593) - you deserved it (18568)
On 12/15/2011 at 11:26pm - misc - by Oja1 - United States (Montana)
Today, I took my last final on a Scantron sheet with 200 multiple choice questions, with seconds to spare. When I finished the last question, I saw I had another bubble to fill in and I didn't know where I screwed up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43039) - you deserved it (4103)
On 12/13/2011 at 12:24pm - misc - by testesential - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I went to the doctor for a check up, having had a head injury a week ago and suffering some memory loss. Turns out, the medicine he gave me for my head has memory loss as a side effect. He then said "I told you. Don't you remember?" After I said no he said "I figured." and giggled. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21089) - you deserved it (1684)
On 12/04/2011 at 2:04am - health - by memoryloss (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, after three days of getting stared at by my neighbour from the window, I realized that she wasn't alive anymore. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36941) - you deserved it (2822)
On 12/01/2011 at 9:02pm - health - by unknown52 - Netherlands (Overijssel)
Today, my boyfriend went and bought Skyrim, Modern Warfare 3 and renewed his WoW subscription. Looks like I won't be getting laid for a month or two. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37058) - you deserved it (8624)
On 11/17/2011 at 3:22pm - intimacy - by anonymous - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I got into a car accident. The other party left the scene immediately after without exchanging insurance information. Deer can be so rude. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21060) - you deserved it (5850)
On 11/16/2011 at 9:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend gave me a promise ring. It was so sweet and romantic, until he said, "I want to marry you one day. But I want to date some other girls first." FML
I agree, your life sucks (31702) - you deserved it (2232)
On 11/12/2011 at 12:06am - love - by so romantic - United States (Texas)
Today, my girlfriend agreed to doing it doggy style. During it all, I pulled on her hair. I guess I pulled too hard, because when I let go, her face smacked straight into the bedside table. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9638) - you deserved it (28638)
On 11/11/2011 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by Henry - Norway (Hordaland)
Today, my girlfriend agreed to doing it doggy style. During it all, I pulled on her hair. I guess I pulled too hard, because when I let go, her face smacked straight into the bedside table. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9638) - you deserved it (28638)
On 11/11/2011 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by Henry - Norway (Hordaland)
Today, I dined and dashed. Upon reaching my car, I realized I had left my seven year-old daughter in the restaurant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6542) - you deserved it (79138)
On 11/11/2011 at 10:17am - kids - by embarrassed - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my girlfriend has a new obsession: grabbing my junk and whispering in my ear the song, "Baby, Imma Be Your Motivation." Problem? I get an instant boner and she only does it in public, because it's "funny as hell." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29900) - you deserved it (5780)
On 11/07/2011 at 11:43pm - intimacy - by InstantHardOn (man) - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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