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by mannydanny / 09/01/2011 at 7:40pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/01/2011 at 2:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/22/2011 at 3:35pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Say Cheese / 08/22/2011 at 1:19pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, I had to say "Put away your burrito," "that ruler is not a light saber," and "stop making dog noises" all in the same sentence at work. I teach Advanced Placement Calculus to high school seniors. FML
by Anonymous / 08/20/2011 at 3:42am / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, my girlfriend sexted me for the first time in months. Half way through reading it I was getting kind of hot. Then I found a spelling mistake and all I could think to do was correct her. She won't talk to me. FML
by KiDCuSHi / 08/20/2011 at 12:58am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by nerofirst / 08/19/2011 at 9:40am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/18/2011 at 9:38am / United Kingdom (Bexley) / Animals
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
by EmbarrassedGirlfriend101 / 08/17/2011 at 12:40pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking to me in the long queue at the Post Office. Apparently, his mother invented the banana, and he's first in line for the throne in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML
by Anonymous / 08/17/2011 at 12:48am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML
by NaniNarcotic / 08/16/2011 at 6:17am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals
by creepedoutlady / 08/15/2011 at 8:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Username / 08/14/2011 at 1:44pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML
by Goaway / 08/14/2011 at 7:20am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by TuteSweet / 08/12/2011 at 2:17am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…