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VIRGI99

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VIRGI99

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  • Number of visits : 838
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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VIRGI99's favorite FMLs

Today, my baby-crazy mother expressed her concerns that I haven't conceived after a whole two months of marriage. Her advice amounted to "get divorced while you're still hot, sleep around until you get pregnant, then marry the winner." When I complained to my father, he supported her. FML

#14545580
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32840) - you deserved it (2722)

On 01/11/2011 at 1:46pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML

#14512160
461 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68627) - you deserved it (3650)

On 01/08/2011 at 8:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I realised it takes me longer to take a dump than it does to have sex with my boyfriend. I also realised taking a dump is more satisfying. FML

#14442840
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34992) - you deserved it (5830)

On 01/02/2011 at 8:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, my friend compared my hair color to hers. Also, she braided my hair (two pieces) with hers (one piece). I asked her why and she finally broke down and told me. She has lice and didn't want to be the only one. FML

#14342949
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55503) - you deserved it (4242)

On 12/26/2010 at 3:12am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I asked my mother why she didn't drink. She laughed and said, "The last time I drank was the night you were conceived. I didn't need any other disasters." FML

#14180759
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33681) - you deserved it (4043)

On 12/12/2010 at 4:55pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my boss sent me to a meeting with a client I've never met to do some damage control and renegotiate his contract. For two hours, he alternated between threatening to sue us, and making vulgar comments about raping me in his office. FML

#13962555
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34063) - you deserved it (2747)

On 11/24/2010 at 2:34pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I realized I've been playing too much Call of Duty. I started screaming, "Spawn, b*tch! Spawn!" at my microwavable pizza while it was in the microwave. FML

#13827261
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11768) - you deserved it (49821)

On 11/13/2010 at 12:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, one of my husband's old college buddies came over for dinner. We reminisced about our college days, and he laughed as he told the story about my husband making up a friend, Marc Deveau, that he'd say he was visiting when he was cheating on his girlfriend. My husband still sees Marc Deveau. FML

#13798665
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58971) - you deserved it (3408) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 11/11/2010 at 3:40am - love - by Anonymous - France

Today, my dad got a new phone and put me on speed dial. I have received several voice mails from him accidentally dialed. They are from him riding the train, in a meeting, having lunch, and, most recently, him taking a monstrous dump. FML

#13527563
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26867) - you deserved it (2928)

On 10/20/2010 at 6:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I came home to find that my pregnant cat had given birth to a stillborn kitten in every room of the house. It had then rubbed its butt around the house, leaving bloody stains everywhere. When I went to clean the white carpet, the bleach turned it green. FML

#13365582
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34733) - you deserved it (5280)

On 10/08/2010 at 12:33pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got out our electric fan because it was very hot. A cockroach crawled up behind the frame on the fan and fell into the gap of the frame. It got itself killed by the rotating fan, and had its blended flesh sent flying all over my white polo shirt. FML

#13015413
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26241) - you deserved it (3643)

On 09/12/2010 at 4:00am - misc - by roachblend (man) - Taiwan (T'ai-pei)

Today, mine and my boyfriend's concerns that we are too loud in bed were definitely confirmed when his entire family stopped the movie they were watching and vacated the cinema room located directly below us. They returned and resumed a while after we were finished. FML

#12622107
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7068) - you deserved it (31121)

On 08/19/2010 at 7:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my mother continued her lifelong habit of talking to anyone who isn't white in extremely slow, exaggerated "caveman" English. She insists that she isn't being racist, but rather is helping. FML

#12006480
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42223) - you deserved it (4204)

On 07/20/2010 at 5:17pm - misc - by notmuchfun - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went out with my boyfriend and thought I'd wear two bras under my singlet-top to make my chest look bigger. Upon leaving Target, one of the security guards noticed the extra straps and accused me of shoplifting. I had to spend the next 20 minutes explaining the situation to security. FML

#11629383
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17258) - you deserved it (41887)

On 07/03/2010 at 3:14am - misc - by embarrassed (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. It was going well until our braces got caught. Out of pain, I tried to pull away, which made my eyes water. Then I sneezed in his mouth. FML

#10832830
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34344) - you deserved it (7517)

On 05/29/2010 at 12:14am - health - by fmlpanda (woman) - United States (Florida)



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