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Who’s the fairest of them all?
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UrCapsLockOn's favorite FMLs
by Surprisebuttsecks? / 12/06/2011 at 11:39pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, while at the laundry mat, an old man kept putting extra quarters in my dryer. I didn't realize until a while later what he'd done, just so he could keep watching me bend over to see how much time was left. FML
by Anonymous / 12/06/2011 at 1:07pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that if a cop asks you if you have any weapons, and you reply by saying "only these guns" while flexing your biceps, they won't take it very well. And neither will the cops down at the station. FML
by Anonymous / 12/06/2011 at 12:24pm / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn pillow pet and made it hump my arm. I told him to stop acting like a child. He replied, "Children don't have sex like this," and started making sex noises while making the pillow pet hump my arm faster and harder. FML
by Anonymous / 12/04/2011 at 8:01am / United States / Intimacy
by aninnocentonlooker / 12/04/2011 at 12:35am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
by perenoel / 12/03/2011 at 11:24am / France / Kids
by pops up / 12/01/2011 at 5:25pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, at my job as a waitress, I fell, landed on my ass, managing not to spill the drinks or drop the food in my hands. A little boy yelled "NINJA WAITRESS!" Every one at work has been calling me that all day, and purposely been trying to trip me to see if I could do it again. FML
by immy504 / 11/30/2011 at 12:39am / United States (Louisiana) / Work
by kaybax / 11/19/2011 at 6:42am / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Love
by lolomg / 09/07/2011 at 9:22pm / New Zealand (Wellington) / Intimacy
Today, as I was running a cute guy was coming towards me. As he was passing me, he yelled "nice tush!" I said thanks and slapped my ass flirtatiously. He stopped running, laughed and pointed to my crotch, replying "No, I said nice BUSH" I looked down to see my shorts had rode up a bit too high. FML
by schmoodles / 05/06/2009 at 8:20pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, I took a restroom break in a Japanese train station. I couldn’t find the toilet flush, so I… Today, I threw up when I got home because I'd been drinking with friends. My parents asked what was… Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my…