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UnluckyGenius's favorite FMLs
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
by ugh / 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/24/2012 at 3:22pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by suffersecks / 01/20/2012 at 6:54pm / United States / Intimacy
by anonymous / 01/20/2012 at 12:02am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, after over a year of lifestyle changes and a ritualistic exercise regime, I finally reached my goal weight. I excitedly told my boyfriend, and he responded, "Yeah, that's nice, but now your tits are tiny". FML
by Anonymous / 01/16/2012 at 8:10am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML
by DocBastard / 12/16/2011 at 9:29pm / United States / Kids
by explainer / 11/08/2011 at 12:54pm / South Africa (Gauteng) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend has a new obsession: grabbing my junk and whispering in my ear the song, "Baby, Imma Be Your Motivation." Problem? I get an instant boner and she only does it in public, because it's "funny as hell." FML
by InstantHardOn / 11/07/2011 at 11:43pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I heard a notification on my iPhone. I thought nothing of it until we were done, and then I checked it out. My mom had posted on my Facebook, telling me that if I didn't keep it down, she was going to come up to my room. FML
by ugadawgs09 / 11/02/2011 at 12:32am / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/01/2011 at 5:03am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was almost out of conditioner, despite having just bought some. Apparently, my boyfriend has been using it to condition his pubes. He thinks doing this will make me want to give him more blowjobs. FML
by silkysmooth / 10/31/2011 at 7:29pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend tried to change her pad while we were sitting in a crowded movie theatre. She succeeded and slipped the used pad into her purse. I can't get rid of the memory, and I don't think I can ever eat popcorn again. FML
by ohdear / 10/31/2011 at 11:38am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by Andrew / 10/31/2011 at 12:04am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by Korisite / 10/30/2011 at 1:31am / United States / Intimacy
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…