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UnicornFarts

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UnicornFarts

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 24 March 1983 (31 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 429
  • Number of comments : 32
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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UnicornFarts's page activity

Visits<b>CelticKing</b> - the 09/30/2014 at 4:57pm<b>2potato4u</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 5:41pm<b>rejlac</b> - the 08/05/2014 at 12:06pm<b>JOUSH94</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 10:14am<b>skittycat213</b> - the 05/20/2014 at 10:00pm<b>HeavenlyAura</b> - the 05/07/2014 at 5:51pm<b>jordyn20915</b> - the 04/14/2014 at 1:08am<b>ironfey</b> - the 04/13/2014 at 12:59pm<b>foxwasalamb</b> - the 03/30/2014 at 5:35pm<b>euphoriagorillaz</b> - the 03/20/2014 at 4:31pm<b>bluucat</b> - the 03/20/2014 at 12:36pm<b>oh_marie_me</b> - the 03/20/2014 at 12:07pm<b>zoe_nicoleee</b> - the 03/20/2014 at 12:01pm<b>mylifedeservesit</b> - the 03/20/2014 at 11:16am<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 03/20/2014 at 11:05am<b>Juicenub</b> - the 03/09/2014 at 5:59am<b>dancinwookie</b> - the 02/28/2014 at 6:50pm<b>nadene52</b> - the 02/23/2014 at 11:53pm

UnicornFarts's FML badges

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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

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You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

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UnicornFarts's favorite FMLs

Today, my spouse asked me if I could transfer some of the passion I have for buffalo wings into our relationship. FML

Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML

#20830594
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42075) - you deserved it (4889)

On 08/10/2013 at 11:23am - health - by Oh-Shit! - United States

Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML

#20816318
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51736) - you deserved it (11184)

On 08/02/2013 at 12:39am - intimacy - by whyeventry? (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML

#20810087
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51327) - you deserved it (11687)

On 07/29/2013 at 5:18pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML

#20805312
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56170) - you deserved it (9320)

On 07/26/2013 at 9:14pm - misc - by turning red - United States

Today, my girlfriend was sitting on my lap at a birthday party. She thought it would be funny to fart. I came instantly. FML

#20785133
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59505) - you deserved it (20996)

On 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm - intimacy - by needsnewshorts (man) - United States (California)

Today, being near-broke, I resorted to shopping at Walmart. Barely ten minutes in, an obese sack of lard posing as a human being shoved me away from the bacon I was looking at. I fell, busted my lip, then got screamed at by another woman for not watching where I was going. FML

#20741232
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50055) - you deserved it (11657)

On 06/22/2013 at 4:55pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I ran out of clean boxers. Thinking nobody would find out, I snatched a pair of my wife's panties. Later, we had a cook out for my birthday, where some of my old pals thought it would be funny to pants me. FML

#20721670
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37563) - you deserved it (68195)

On 06/12/2013 at 2:39pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was texting my boyfriend when he said, "Hold up." Thinking it'd be funny, I ran and grabbed my copy of the movie Up, and took a picture of me holding it and sent it to him. He replied, "Getting real tired of your shit." Then dumped me for my "dumb taste in humor." FML

#20696601
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62507) - you deserved it (13660)

On 05/31/2013 at 12:16am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, I had to eat up a few specks of toilet paper to avoid spoiling "the moment" with my girlfriend. FML

#20692661
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63657) - you deserved it (14011)

On 05/29/2013 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, it was my wedding. Every good wedding has slutty wedding sex, and I thought it would be over after my cousin and his girlfriend were caught in the parking lot. I was wrong, the sluttiest wedding sex goes to my drunk husband and sister in the coat room. FML

#20684997
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76183) - you deserved it (4722)

On 05/25/2013 at 2:55am - love - by lizzie - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out that the catchy Japanese song I've been obsessed with for the past week is actually about a dildo. FML

Today, my best friend was throwing me my bachelorette partly. A cop came by and said there have been complaints about the noise. Thinking he was the stripper we ordered, we pulled him into the house. He was an actual cop. FML

#20577218
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39736) - you deserved it (19432)

On 04/06/2013 at 8:55am - misc - by Evalynne - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML

#20556322
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51482) - you deserved it (6245)

On 03/23/2013 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, for the sixth time in a row, I was driving my kid to school and he made me late for work. Why? He was whacking off instead of getting ready. FML

#20551973
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43763) - you deserved it (6100)

On 03/20/2013 at 7:07am - intimacy - by Why son, why? (man) - United States



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