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UnicornFarts

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UnicornFarts
  • Town/Country : United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 24 March 1983 (31 years)
  • Number of visits : 233
  • Number of comments : 31
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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UnicornFarts's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to eat up a few specks of toilet paper to avoid spoiling "the moment" with my girlfriend. FML

#20692661
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60767) - you deserved it (13253)

On 05/29/2013 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, it was my wedding. Every good wedding has slutty wedding sex, and I thought it would be over after my cousin and his girlfriend were caught in the parking lot. I was wrong, the sluttiest wedding sex goes to my drunk husband and sister in the coat room. FML

#20684997
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71055) - you deserved it (4298)

On 05/25/2013 at 2:55am - love - by lizzie - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out that the catchy Japanese song I've been obsessed with for the past week is actually about a dildo. FML

Today, my best friend was throwing me my bachelorette partly. A cop came by and said there have been complaints about the noise. Thinking he was the stripper we ordered, we pulled him into the house. He was an actual cop. FML

#20577218
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36463) - you deserved it (17977)

On 04/06/2013 at 8:55am - misc - by Evalynne - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML

#20556322
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47888) - you deserved it (5868)

On 03/23/2013 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, for the sixth time in a row, I was driving my kid to school and he made me late for work. Why? He was whacking off instead of getting ready. FML

#20551973
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39796) - you deserved it (5612)

On 03/20/2013 at 7:07am - intimacy - by Why son, why? (man) - United States

Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML

#20532616
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38873) - you deserved it (3675)

On 03/05/2013 at 7:07pm - kids - by cjw - United States

Today, at my mother's funeral, as everyone was around her casket for the viewing, my 5-year-old son in cluelessness of what was going on shouted, "Grandma is more fun when she isn't sleeping." Everyone cried. FML

#20521929
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39331) - you deserved it (3256)

On 02/25/2013 at 6:00pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, during a silent breathing meditation at the Buddhist center, I accidentally let one rip which echoed through the meditation chamber. If that wasn't bad enough, the follow-up odor was enough to fell a charging rhinoceros. FML

#20517185
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23253) - you deserved it (7038)

On 02/22/2013 at 2:57am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, the Jehovah's Witnesses witnessed me whacking off on my couch. FML

Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML

#19791702
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9391) - you deserved it (17619)

On 06/15/2012 at 10:21am - kids - by habbsrule - Canada

Today, while in bed with my boyfriend, I accidentally let one slip. While thinking "maybe he didn't hear, maybe he's sleeping", the shaking of the bed from his laughter let me know otherwise. FML

#18725237
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19293) - you deserved it (6608)

On 01/06/2012 at 10:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was wanking and starting thinking about why the Simpsons are yellow, and how that came to be. I haven't been laid in 4 years and my ADD is so crippling that I can't jack off. FML

#18567252
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26811) - you deserved it (5215)

On 12/21/2011 at 1:18am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML

#18430652
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38225) - you deserved it (15518)

On 12/04/2011 at 8:30pm - intimacy - by Rumpkis (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML

#18355284
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27098) - you deserved it (14181)

On 11/26/2011 at 10:09am - intimacy - by hitintheeye - Canada (Ontario)



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