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UnicornFarts

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UnicornFarts
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  • Number of visits : 34
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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UnicornFarts's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out that the catchy Japanese song I've been obsessed with for the past week is actually about a dildo. FML

Today, my best friend was throwing me my bachelorette partly. A cop came by and said there have been complaints about the noise. Thinking he was the stripper we ordered, we pulled him into the house. He was an actual cop. FML

#20577218
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34979) - you deserved it (15530)

On 04/06/2013 at 8:55am - misc - by Evalynne - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML

#20556322
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39570) - you deserved it (4880)

On 03/23/2013 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, for the sixth time in a row, I was driving my kid to school and he made me late for work. Why? He was whacking off instead of getting ready. FML

#20551973
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33500) - you deserved it (3677)

On 03/20/2013 at 7:07am - intimacy - by Why son, why? (man) - United States

Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML

#20532616
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34694) - you deserved it (3340)

On 03/05/2013 at 7:07pm - kids - by cjw - United States

Today, at my mother's funeral, as everyone was around her casket for the viewing, my 5-year-old son in cluelessness of what was going on shouted, "Grandma is more fun when she isn't sleeping." Everyone cried. FML

#20521929
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33502) - you deserved it (2263)

On 02/25/2013 at 6:00pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, during a silent breathing meditation at the Buddhist center, I accidentally let one rip which echoed through the meditation chamber. If that wasn't bad enough, the follow-up odor was enough to fell a charging rhinoceros. FML

#20517185
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19597) - you deserved it (5171)

On 02/22/2013 at 2:57am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML

#18430652
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34084) - you deserved it (11975)

On 12/04/2011 at 8:30pm - intimacy - by Rumpkis (man) - United States (Virginia)



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