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UnearthlyEnemy's favorite FMLs
Today, I have been waiting for a call from a job I applied for. I soon got a text from my current boss, who doesn't know I'm job hunting, letting me know that the recruiter was trying to reach me. Turns out my number on my resumé was wrong. FML
by faulty number / 01/28/2013 at 6:25pm / United States (Florida) / Work
by shitty situation / 01/28/2013 at 6:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to hide, and then surprise me by jumping out of his hiding place. It was quite a surprise when he launched himself out of my bag during class. FML
by hopelessteej / 01/28/2013 at 8:55am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I'm getting married. A few months ago, I allowed my mother in-law to take care of catering. She begged to be a part of the wedding, so I gave her the caterer's number and order info. It appears that I will not be eating at my own wedding because she decided to order food I'm allergic to. FML
by forever1990 / 01/28/2013 at 6:52am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, I was trying on some shoes. As I was bending down, an old lady with a walking frame slowly approached. As she got close she whispered to me "Mmm, you've got a nice tushie." My girlfriend will not let me hear the end of it. FML
by Creeped out / 01/28/2013 at 3:14am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
by yourmainman / 01/28/2013 at 12:03am / Canada / Intimacy
Today, my mom had the option of choosing anywhere in the world where we could go on vacation. We live in the USA and she chose to fly to Texas, rent an RV, and drive to Florida. Anywhere in the world. FML
by j_Lauren / 01/27/2013 at 11:48pm / United States / Holidays
Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML
by andy / 01/27/2013 at 11:36pm / United States (California) / Kids
by ihatemylife / 01/27/2013 at 8:08pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
Today, a cyclone hit my city. Though everywhere else is flooding, my house is fine. Well, that was until the toilet decided to overflow and regurgitate the entire town's sewerage. So now my only bathroom is covered in sewage, and I can't go anywhere else because of the flooding. FML
by shitday / 01/27/2013 at 6:47pm / Australia (Queensland) / Health
by Anonymous / 01/27/2013 at 5:44pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Intimacy
Today, I was on a ladder at work, fetching some stock from one of the storage shelves. Some teenage kid thought it would be fucking hilarious to grab the ladder and violently shake it. He hadn't bet on me being startled enough to fall off and fracture my elbow on the floor. FML
by fucking teen cunts / 01/27/2013 at 4:59pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
by dynah114 / 01/27/2013 at 2:08pm / Israel (HaMerkaz) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/27/2013 at 1:50pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids
- 1Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 2Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 3Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went…