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UnearthlyEnemy's favorite FMLs
Today, I was moving into my new apartment. The previous owner had refused to move out until today, and when I got there, I realized I didn't have a key. I was about to call him when I found out I didn't need to; he took the door. FML
by jeoak / 01/30/2013 at 12:25pm / India / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when the two of us were talking, took one good look at me, slapped me on the ass, and said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rose here, you'd be next." Yeah, about that: I'm a 16-year old guy. FML
by Denki / 01/30/2013 at 7:21am / China (Beijing) / Love
by anonymous / 01/30/2013 at 5:13am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Miss Blairgowrie / 01/30/2013 at 2:52am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
Today, my 5-year-old nephew had the most amazing idea: to play a game with my keys. He took out all ten keys individually and hid them around the house. So far it's been two hours and I haven't found a single one. FML
by idislikeblanks / 01/30/2013 at 2:03am / United States (California) / Kids
by motherless / 01/29/2013 at 10:18pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
by theawfulpresent / 01/29/2013 at 7:28pm / United States (Maryland) / Love
Today, I found out that my roommate has been switching my protein powder with chocolate milk mix and brown sugar. Since I work out frequently, I've been consuming large amounts of this and have gained at least 10 pounds of fat. His reason? I turned his bookbag inside out. Once. FML
by fatty milkshakes / 01/29/2013 at 5:56pm / United States / Health
Today, my fiancé's mother came up to me and told me she loves that I stuck with my soon-to-be husband despite his history and condition. I have no idea what she's talking about, and she refuses to tell me. FML
by Aspireworks / 01/29/2013 at 5:46pm / United States / Love
Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML
by oh no / 01/29/2013 at 9:51am / Canada (Quebec) / Health
Today, I saw a lady who had fainted. I ran over to help, only to find out that she was unstable and had a knife in her hand. She was pointing it at me, and growled threateningly every time I tried to move away. It took the cops an hour to defuse the situation. FML
by thegirlofthedad / 01/29/2013 at 4:48am / India (Maharashtra) / Miscellaneous
Today, my sister's boyfriend called while she was out. The second I answered he tried to have phone sex with me. When I explained to him that I wasn't my sister and that we just sound the same on the phone, he replied, "Don't care, let's keep going." FML
by Awkward... / 01/29/2013 at 4:40am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by ohfuckwaffles / 01/29/2013 at 12:28am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/28/2013 at 11:44pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/28/2013 at 11:23pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
- Today, I met the man of my dreams. Hot, funny, smart, sensitive, he guesses at what I need before I… Today, I ran an experiment perfectly in lab. I was the last in my class to finish and proud of how… Today, I had to work a double shift as a server with a multi-fractured foot because my boss decided…