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UnearthlyEnemy's favorite FMLs
by uhoh / 02/16/2013 at 12:27am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, while at the store with my mom, we ran into the girl I recently confessed to being interested in. My mom decided to shout, "IS THAT HER?! IS THAT THE GIRL YOU LIKE?!" Embarrassed, I desperately told her to be quiet. She grounded me for being "rude" to her. FML
by Anonymous / 02/15/2013 at 7:39pm / Italy (Lombardia) / Love
by Anonymous / 02/15/2013 at 6:22pm / Venezuela (Lara) / Miscellaneous
Today, a girl came up to me on the street and said, "You have like no swag, bro." Feeling clever, I said, "At least I have a high school education." She then took out her work ID, showing me that she was a surgeon, flipped me off, then walked away saying, "This is totally going on Facebook." FML
by Anonymous / 02/11/2013 at 10:26am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
by tongue tied / 02/11/2013 at 3:57am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML
by littlemiss / 02/10/2013 at 11:17am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I finally figured out why I've been getting diarrhea so often over the past six months. It only happens whenever I do something "sneaky". My body reacts strongly to how I stress over potentially getting caught. I'm a private investigator, and I apparently need a new career. FML
by screwed / 02/10/2013 at 5:41am / United States / Work
Today, my roommate found an eviction notice on our door for unpaid rent. Our apartment building caught fire and we haven't been living there for well over a month because it was legally unlivable. Today was our first day back. FML
by fireenginemad / 02/10/2013 at 1:08am / United States (Washington) / Money
Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy this past summer after our son was born and only took one of the two tests. I haven't cheated. He refuses to believe me or get his spunk checked again. FML
by Totallyscrewed / 02/10/2013 at 12:17am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, my furnace broke down, almost a month after its twenty year warranty expired. It would have been replaced for free. Now I'm going to have to take out a loan to afford the $4,000 replacement. FML
by chillyinside / 02/10/2013 at 12:03am / Canada / Miscellaneous
Today, my fiancé told me that it would be okay with him if I got plastic surgery to make my boobs larger. It would also be okay with him if I didn't get the surgery, but he would call off our engagement and never talk to me again. FML
by Anonymous / 02/09/2013 at 11:11am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I had to drive to my workplace in blizzard conditions. Now that my 12 hour shift is over, I can't get out of the building, as the snow has blown into large drifts in front of the doors. I have to stay overnight until my next 12 hour shift. FML
by sonnyrosa / 02/09/2013 at 7:39am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Work
by Lois / 02/09/2013 at 7:00am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/09/2013 at 12:13am / United States / Love
- Today, I told my son off because he lost a form. A form that I later found in my right-hand pocket.… Today, my boyfriend wanted to show me that he listened to me yesterday: I said that I loved unusual… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish…