This member hasn't filled in their description.
UnearthlyEnemy's FML badges
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
UnearthlyEnemy's favorite FMLs
Today, I got served paperwork stating that my ex-fiancée is suing me again for child support. About 7 years ago, I proved via DNA testing within the court system that I was not the father the first time. I see a talk show in my future. FML
by haku4u / 04/01/2013 at 7:18pm / United States (Florida) / Money
by madiison09 / 04/01/2013 at 1:46pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home from work to my 4-year old daughter cussing left and right. I asked her about it; she said that her brother had taught her some words. When I confronted him about the situation, he kicked my shin and screamed, "Stop treating me like a fucking child!" He's 5. FML
by Anonymous / 03/28/2013 at 9:13pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, at work while near a cigarette tray outside, a man said, "Thanks for polluting our environment!" All I could say was, "What?" He then said "I'm speaking English you know!" I was cleaning the cigarette tray at the time, don't smoke at all, and was born here. FML
by TVKill3r / 03/28/2013 at 8:57pm / United States / Work
Today, I was chatting with a co-worker, and she mentioned she has trouble swallowing pills. I replied that I'm lucky, because I have next to no gag reflex. Half the guys at the other registers abruptly went silent, and I'm now being constantly hit on. FML
by Anonymous / 03/28/2013 at 4:56pm / France (Champagne-Ardenne) / Work
by not funny but :( / 03/28/2013 at 12:24pm / United States (Ohio) / Holidays
Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML
by everyoneheard / 03/28/2013 at 11:11am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
by school issues / 03/28/2013 at 10:26am / United States / Work
Today, I was at the airport, when a lady came up and loudly asked if she could sit next to me. I have serious social issues, so to avoid having to talk to her, I pretended I was deaf and couldn't hear her. She immediately broke out her sign language skills. FML
by human lava lamp / 03/10/2013 at 3:54pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by themouseman1212 / 03/10/2013 at 12:13pm / United States / Intimacy
by Amanda / 03/10/2013 at 12:08pm / Canada / Kids
Today, my girlfriend accused me of being a feeder, saying that's why she's been putting on so much weight. When I said it might be because she eats at McDonalds everyday, and that I was willing to start cooking low-calorie foods for us, she hit me. Then she went to McDonalds. FML
by Raiden / 03/10/2013 at 12:03pm / United Kingdom (Barnsley) / Love
by cremyfrozentreat / 03/10/2013 at 9:40am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/10/2013 at 3:52am / United States / Miscellaneous
by lolk / 03/10/2013 at 3:41am / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy
- Today, I was talking with my slightly skinflint girlfriend, who just moved in with me. “I think you… Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, I took a restroom break in a Japanese train station. I couldn’t find the toilet flush, so I…