Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

UnearthlyEnemy

Search for a member

UnearthlyEnemy
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 11260
  • Number of comments : 98
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 11 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

UnearthlyEnemy's last visitors

swampbaby985Euronymous93MaryJo96redflamer

UnearthlyEnemy's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of UnearthlyEnemy's badges

UnearthlyEnemy's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to get the Apple store, my Mac had been making a grinding noise from the fan. The guy put his ear to the keyboard and said there was a CD in the drive so I couldn't hear the grinding from the fan. He ejected the CD. It was porn. FML

#1493509
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11213) - you deserved it (74302)

On 04/30/2009 at 3:44pm - intimacy - by cait (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I turned 35. I was given my first-ever orgasm by the best lover I've ever had: a massaging shower head from Wal-Mart. That I bought for myself. It was the only gift I received. FML

#1475215
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (97224) - you deserved it (15711)

On 04/29/2009 at 10:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was taking the subway to work when I saw a really hot girl. Noticing that she, like me, had a Dunkin' Donuts coffee, I tried to start a conversation by saying, "Is that Double Ds you have there?" She didn't pick up that I was talking about the coffee. FML

#1466459
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16119) - you deserved it (83673)

On 04/29/2009 at 6:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my first graders released the butterflies we've been raising. The kids were sad that one had died in his cocoon and wouldn't be set free. Turns out that butterfly may have had a better fate: a flock of birds ate half of the others. Immediately after releasing them. In front of the kids. FML

#1454784
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62776) - you deserved it (4554)

On 04/29/2009 at 12:30pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, as I was picking up my 7 year old daughter at my ex husband's house my daughter started crying saying that she wanted to stay with daddy forever. I asked why. She said her stepmom was a better mommy. Apparently the woman who broke up my marriage is now a better "mommy". FML

#1444168
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (89560) - you deserved it (7858)

On 04/29/2009 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went up to a secluded mountain my boyfriend took me to for our first date. As I saw another couple hooking up in the bushes, I phoned my boyfriend to tell him someone found our secret spot. His Bob Marley ringtone started playing from the bush. FML

#1415688
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (191809) - you deserved it (9110)

On 04/28/2009 at 2:27am - intimacy - by liveforpeace_ (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my daughter walked in on me taking a shower. She said, "Hey, yours is the same size as Dylan's!" My daughter has seen Dylan's penis, which apparently is the same size as mine. My daughter and Dylan are 7. FML

#1409707
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (98751) - you deserved it (7527)

On 04/27/2009 at 11:06pm - intimacy - by seriouslywtf (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my family was talking about how people's hair goes gray when they get old. My grandma mentioned that she was initially attracted to my grandpa because of his red hair and was sad when it turned gray. "It's ok," she continued, "his pubic hair is still red." FML

#1378571
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62915) - you deserved it (3439)

On 04/27/2009 at 12:08am - misc - by ewwww (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, it was my mom's birthday. I decided to get her a Willow Tree statue of a woman fairy holding a heart. After dinner, I presented my gift. My mother asked me how much it was. I replied, $30. She threw me a dirty look, shoved the present in my direction, and told me to return it. FML

#1377457
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46324) - you deserved it (7681)

On 04/26/2009 at 11:39pm - misc - by BbyDelight (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was snuggling with my neighbors four week old kitten while babysitting their kids. I fell asleep, rolled over, and woke up next to a dead kitten. FML

#1353969
286 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67915) - you deserved it (50451)

On 04/26/2009 at 12:45pm - misc - by Fykkhttdsetkkhvln - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML

#1339602
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42218) - you deserved it (15183)

On 04/25/2009 at 11:10pm - animals - by poopedon (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got pulled over while dancing to crazy techno beats in the car. The officer RAN out of his car and up to mine and pounded on my window. He thought I was having a seizure. FML

#1292437
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41898) - you deserved it (19538)

On 04/24/2009 at 4:10pm - misc - by bdutton (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I sang my signature tune at a karaoke bar - What A Wonderful World - and I thought I sounded my best yet. After my performance, I went outside to get some air. Then, I got assaulted in the parking lot and ended up going to the hospital. What a wonderful world indeed. FML

#1245192
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48299) - you deserved it (4552)

On 04/23/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by karaokestar (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, as soon as I got home, my girlfriend was waiting for me at the door. She told me she was breaking up with me, the reason? She found a girl's shirt in my closet and that she didn't need a cheating boyfriend. That shirt was mine. FML

#1226975
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50289) - you deserved it (9167)

On 04/22/2009 at 4:15pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was at a party. The girl I'm madly in love with referred to me as her 'Gay Friend.' She refused to kiss me in Spin-the-Bottle as 'She didn't want to do anything with anyone that night'. She then made out, and slept with, my 'best friend' whom she had never met before. FML

#1218026
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65526) - you deserved it (4539)

On 04/22/2009 at 9:50am - love - by Bo (man) - United Kingdom (Wigan)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: