UnearthlyEnemy

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UnearthlyEnemy

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 21589
  • Number of comments : 98
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 11 posted

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UnearthlyEnemy's page activity

Visits<b>marigavino</b> - the 02/29/2016 at 7:08pm<b>Derix</b> - the 02/29/2016 at 4:22pm<b>Red_Curls1995</b> - the 01/22/2016 at 1:14pm<b>Jkalia</b> - the 10/20/2015 at 5:32pm<b>FusionPlacebo</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 8:48pm<b>myoukei</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 1:34pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/14/2015 at 6:45am<b>EnigMind</b> - the 04/09/2015 at 11:13am<b>Xeebar</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 12:56am<b>dying_to_know</b> - the 09/04/2014 at 5:42pm<b>Elidorranos</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 7:29am<b>hetalia_thailand</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 10:06am<b>iBanana151</b> - the 07/14/2014 at 11:07pm<b>Unkreative</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 2:46pm<b>RivalSeal</b> - the 05/19/2014 at 11:04am<b>bingo__O</b> - the 05/17/2014 at 11:20am<b>missmandersxoxo</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 3:09am<b>Fuzzbig</b> - the 04/14/2014 at 11:32pm

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/14/2015 at 12:45pm

UnearthlyEnemy's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of UnearthlyEnemy's badges

UnearthlyEnemy's favorite FMLs

Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them I impale my forearm on a knife that's sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML

by hurts / 05/04/2009 at 2:48pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my soccer team got our warm up t-shirts that say "You can hit on us, but you can't score." After the game, a guy behind my friend asks, "Hey what does the front of your shirt say?" I replied for her, "You can hit on us." He looked at me and my friend and said, "No thanks." FML

by Anonymous / 05/03/2009 at 1:46pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 6 year old daughter asked me, "what would happen to me if you and daddy died?". I told her that she'd probably live with her Uncle Ant and Aunt Ilene. She looked at me and said "You guys can die. I won't cry. I get everything I want over there." FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2009 at 4:12am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

Today, I went to a fast-food joint and ordered off the $1.00 menu to save money. Five hours later I go to the hospital with food-poisoning. After a whole day of not eating, crapping, puking, having tests, and a bunch of IV fluids, my $1.00 burger ended up costing me $2,000 in bills. Really. FML

by Sick / 05/02/2009 at 12:56am / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, at the awards ceremony at my school, I ended up winning the top achievement award in my grade. The principal spent at least ten minutes talking about my success to the audience, the whole time referring to me as a "he" as I stood right next to him. I'm a girl. FML

by smartgirl / 05/01/2009 at 7:48pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I forgot my inhaler. I had an asthma attack and had to go to the ER. The doctors told me it wasn't an asthma attack. It was just a panic attack from worrying about whether I would get an asthma attack. FML

by jlover42 / 05/01/2009 at 5:07pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, my girlfriend's mother called her in the bedroom for a serious talk. I overheard them arguing and yelling at each other. It turns out her mother found a condom next to her garbage. We got caught because her cat swallowed the condom and threw it up. FML

by badluckdrew / 05/01/2009 at 10:28am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, I went to get the Apple store, my Mac had been making a grinding noise from the fan. The guy put his ear to the keyboard and said there was a CD in the drive so I couldn't hear the grinding from the fan. He ejected the CD. It was porn. FML

by cait / 04/30/2009 at 3:44pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I turned 35. I was given my first-ever orgasm by the best lover I've ever had: a massaging shower head from Wal-Mart. That I bought for myself. It was the only gift I received. FML

by Anonymous / 04/29/2009 at 10:03pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I was taking the subway to work when I saw a really hot girl. Noticing that she, like me, had a Dunkin' Donuts coffee, I tried to start a conversation by saying, "Is that Double Ds you have there?" She didn't pick up that I was talking about the coffee. FML

by Anonymous / 04/29/2009 at 6:46pm / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, my first graders released the butterflies we've been raising. The kids were sad that one had died in his cocoon and wouldn't be set free. Turns out that butterfly may have had a better fate: a flock of birds ate half of the others. Immediately after releasing them. In front of the kids. FML

by Anonymous / 04/29/2009 at 12:30pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, as I was picking up my 7 year old daughter at my ex husband's house my daughter started crying saying that she wanted to stay with daddy forever. I asked why. She said her stepmom was a better mommy. Apparently the woman who broke up my marriage is now a better "mommy". FML

by Anonymous / 04/29/2009 at 12:13am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I went up to a secluded mountain my boyfriend took me to for our first date. As I saw another couple hooking up in the bushes, I phoned my boyfriend to tell him someone found our secret spot. His Bob Marley ringtone started playing from the bush. FML

by liveforpeace_ / 04/28/2009 at 2:27am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, my daughter walked in on me taking a shower. She said, "Hey, yours is the same size as Dylan's!" My daughter has seen Dylan's penis, which apparently is the same size as mine. My daughter and Dylan are 7. FML

by seriouslywtf / 04/27/2009 at 11:06pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, my family was talking about how people's hair goes gray when they get old. My grandma mentioned that she was initially attracted to my grandpa because of his red hair and was sad when it turned gray. "It's ok," she continued, "his pubic hair is still red." FML

by ewwww / 04/27/2009 at 12:08am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous