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UnearthlyEnemy's FML badges
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UnearthlyEnemy's favorite FMLs
Today, the lead singer of the band I recently joined blatantly admitted to a fan that the only reason he let me in was because I'm "so fuckin' ugly" that I make the rest of them look "ten times better" in comparison. FML
by sad drummer / 01/17/2013 at 3:50pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally got to conduct my first questioning of a suspect, who had been arrested in connection with a car theft. As I recited the Miranda warning to him, my mind went totally blank, and after a few seconds, he sarcastically continued the speech for me. FML
by Anonymous / 01/17/2013 at 12:15pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work
Today, an elderly gentleman came into my store complaining of a toothache, so I showed him where the Orajel was located. He then insisted on making a big scene, claiming that I really had the magic touch and if I would just stroke his cheek all his pain would go away. FML
by EmberLove / 01/17/2013 at 9:06am / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 01/17/2013 at 5:43am / United States / Work
Today, I let my friend bleach my hair, which resulted in it falling out in clumps. I spent $150 at the beauty salon fixing it and cutting most of it off. I sent the pictures of my new hair to my friends, and I got the same reply from each and every one of them: "That better be a wig." FML
by goodlord12 / 01/17/2013 at 2:53am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having a conversation with my mother during which I described something as being pungent. She thought I had made up the word, so I grabbed the dictionary to show her that I hadn't. She then became enraged, threw the dictionary at my head and told me never to talk to her again. FML
by Mizzaroo / 01/17/2013 at 1:38am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, due to technical problems, I had to call the company's IT-support as my computer went totally haywire. I explained via phone that I couldn't access anything. The support then tried contacting me by e-mail and got upset with me when I didn't answer. FML
by Beva / 01/17/2013 at 12:03am / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Work
Today, I went on a run with my crush. She expressed how happy she was to have a decent running partner, because the last one kept complaining he thought he might throw up. We got to the top of the hill and I puked right in front of her. FML
by Anonymous / 01/16/2013 at 7:53pm / United States (Hawaii) / Health
by itsjustwill / 01/16/2013 at 7:35pm / United States (Washington) / Work
Today, while moving into my new place, I saw my new, elderly neighbor sitting on her porch. I cheerfully greeted her with, "Hello, how are you?" She simply rocked slowly in her chair and replied, "Just waiting to die." She was the most cheerful person I met all day. FML
by Kallian / 01/16/2013 at 6:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/16/2013 at 4:08pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by tired / 01/16/2013 at 2:02pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend came back from visiting her family. She'd forgotten to take her pills, and decided to "catch up" by taking almost a week's worth of birth control and prescription pills. She's fine, but I had to convince the ER staff that she's not suicidal, just stupid. FML
by SF49 / 01/16/2013 at 1:26pm / United States / Health
by pigtails / 01/16/2013 at 7:21am / United Kingdom (Norfolk) / Miscellaneous