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UnearthlyEnemy's favorite FMLs
Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML
by methane overload / 01/18/2013 at 8:32pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/18/2013 at 7:26pm / Iceland / Work
Today, I went to a family dinner. My grandma wasted no time calling me a slut for not wearing a dress, my dad called my police officer boyfriend a "fucking pig", and then he told my mother to "put a cock in it" when she defended me. No wonder I hardly ever visit these people. FML
by mel / 01/18/2013 at 6:18pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. The first thing my dad did was comment that given how pretty she looked in our photos, and compared to how she looks in real life, she's amazing at using Photoshop. FML
by dpap / 01/18/2013 at 6:03pm / United States (Iowa) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/18/2013 at 3:59pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I saw in my browser history a profile from one of those "Facebook of sex" websites. Turns out that my boyfriend has been posting naked pictures of himself on there using my laptop and flirting with teenage girls. His excuse? "I have friends on there." FML
by TheOtherWoman / 01/18/2013 at 12:21pm / United Kingdom (North Somerset) / Love
by Keastwood013 / 01/18/2013 at 10:25am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking towards a party where I knew my cheating ex would be. I passionately rehearsed how I would have a go at him big time when I met him. Guess who was walking right behind me and heard it all. FML
by Shuttie / 01/18/2013 at 7:55am / Denmark (Syddanmark) / Love
Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a slap and then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML
by Anonymous / 01/18/2013 at 5:50am / United States / Intimacy
by Anon / 01/18/2013 at 12:53am / United States (Texas) / Money
by bull-stuff / 01/17/2013 at 10:48pm / United States (South Carolina) / Animals
by walkingdictionary / 01/17/2013 at 9:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by jakeeey / 01/17/2013 at 8:16pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by FMyThroat / 01/17/2013 at 7:39pm / Peru (Lima) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I was complaining to a coworker about how my manager had changed my schedule without telling… Today my fiancee and I were having sex, it was lovely and we both were really into it. I decided to… Today while walking to the shop under the blistering African sun, I stepped on something that stuck…