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UnearthlyEnemy's favorite FMLs
Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML
by black and yellow / 01/21/2013 at 1:32am / United States (California) / Love
by airrinw_33 / 01/20/2013 at 10:55pm / United States (Mississippi) / Love
Today, I realised in the middle of my shift how useless my deodorant is in the stifling heatwave spreading through my country. It's no longer effective against my awful B.O., which is a problem because I'm a mascot, and my costume traps the smell inside like a portable toilet. FML
by Anonymous / 01/20/2013 at 5:13pm / Australia / Work
Today, my dad was making drinks for my mom and himself, so I asked him to make me some coffee too. When he brought me my drink, I took a sip, and realized he'd poured salt in it. As I gagged, he muttered, "Next time, make it yourself." FML
by megean c.l. / 01/20/2013 at 4:36pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend of three days met up with me at the movie theater, sporting a crude tattoo of my face on his cheek, along with a love heart and the word "forever." Looks like I'm single again. FML
by maybe dead in a day / 01/20/2013 at 2:28pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love
Today, after an hour of crying over a guy I like, I put on some Adele and sang along. My mom quickly took notice and came to give me advice, which was to "get over it" because he doesn't want me, and that "masturbation beats relationships hands down." Gee, thanks mom. FML
by Anonymous / 01/20/2013 at 1:22pm / New Zealand (Waikato) / Love
Today, I woke up following one of the worst nightmares of my life. I was sweating, clutching the sheets, and feeling sick to the stomach. I'd been dreaming of my wedding that's taking place next week. FML
by Anonymous / 01/19/2013 at 6:35pm / United Kingdom (Somerset) / Love
Today, I attended my aunt's open-casket funeral. My sister spent the first quarter of an hour neither grieving nor celebrating her life, but whining that the "cute" clothes my aunt was dressed in could have been handed down to her, instead of being "wasted". FML
by sophietr8 / 01/19/2013 at 3:38pm / Netherlands (Friesland) / Miscellaneous
Today, while sledding with my daughter, I tried getting her to go down a steeper slope than she's used to. She was worried she'd crash, so I went first to show her how it's done. I lost control halfway down the hill, bailed, and rolled into a tree. My wife has it on video. FML
by Fluffydemise / 01/19/2013 at 1:39pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/19/2013 at 11:50am / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Love
by Claire / 01/19/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Maryland) / Love
by tingles / 01/19/2013 at 8:20am / United Kingdom (Solihull) / Intimacy
by Perplexed / 01/19/2013 at 8:14am / United States (South Dakota) / Money
by damnthedog / 01/19/2013 at 2:40am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals
by LaLince / 01/19/2013 at 1:14am / Switzerland / Transportation
- Today,I ran home to quickly walk my dog around the block. She had been out before and the walk was… Today, after many years of not going out with friends because I'm so self conscious about my acne.… Today, I got home from work to my mom saying "we're going on a family holiday!!" I replied with "oh…