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UnearthlyEnemy's favorite FMLs
by Ear Invasion / 01/26/2013 at 12:53am / United States (New Mexico) / Animals
Today, my mom barged into my room at three in the morning, demanding to know where I'd been. I'd been in my room sleeping since ten o'clock. In that time she had called the police, all of my friends, and my ex-boyfriend, asking if I was with them. FML
by Sarah / 01/26/2013 at 12:14am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while reading in the bath, I accidentally switched the shower on. Not wanting my book to get soaked, I threw it out of the tub. When I got out of the tub later, I found it had landed squarely in the toilet. FML
by stelssy / 01/26/2013 at 12:03am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, a pregnant woman got on the bus. There were no free seats, so I stood up to give her mine. An obese man pushed past her, waddled over, and oozed into my seat. I said it was for the pregnant lady. He called me a "sexist bitch" and claimed he needed it more. FML
by protoplasm stole my seat / 01/25/2013 at 8:24pm / New Zealand (Waikato) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/25/2013 at 12:39am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to buy a birthday present for my boyfriend. While buying him a sweater, the cashier tried to up-sale me by asking if my boyfriend wore briefs or boxers, because both were on sale. Not thinking, I blurted out, "I don't know, they just come off." FML
by awkwardturtle / 01/25/2013 at 12:31am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I led a class of grade-two pupils on an excursion to the zoo. When we went to see the lions I was put in a position where I had to explain to seven and eight year olds why one lion was "bouncing" on top of the other one. FML
by teacher / 01/25/2013 at 12:25am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
Today, I realised that my friend hasn't spoken to me for a week. A week ago I politely explained to her that I really don't believe in horoscopes, and asked her at the time to stop systematically using my star-sign to explain my behaviour. FML
by notsuperstitious / 01/24/2013 at 11:37am / Finland / Miscellaneous
by HereWeGoAgain / 01/24/2013 at 2:19am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/24/2013 at 2:17am / Canada (Manitoba) / Transportation
Today, I took an IQ test and ended up scoring above average. Feeling good about myself, I decided to bake some cookies. After 30 minutes of them not doing anything in the oven, I realized I forgot to turn the oven on. FML
by steven / 01/24/2013 at 12:16am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by ohokay / 01/23/2013 at 9:59pm / United States (New York) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/23/2013 at 8:44pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/23/2013 at 7:17pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Miscellaneous
by stevenr579 / 01/23/2013 at 6:33pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation
- Today,me and my little brother were walking back from school. He tripped and started crying. As I… Today, I got a failing grade on my pre-calc final. After I broke the news to my dad, he slammed the… Today, my dad accused me of using various types of drugs, and that I will never achieve anything in…