UnearthlyEnemy

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UnearthlyEnemy

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 19399
  • Number of comments : 98
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 11 posted

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UnearthlyEnemy's page activity

Visits<b>marigavino</b> - the 02/29/2016 at 7:08pm<b>Derix</b> - the 02/29/2016 at 4:22pm<b>Red_Curls1995</b> - the 01/22/2016 at 1:14pm<b>Jkalia</b> - the 10/20/2015 at 5:32pm<b>FusionPlacebo</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 8:48pm<b>myoukei</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 1:34pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/14/2015 at 6:45am<b>EnigMind</b> - the 04/09/2015 at 11:13am<b>Xeebar</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 12:56am<b>dying_to_know</b> - the 09/04/2014 at 5:42pm<b>Elidorranos</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 7:29am<b>hetalia_thailand</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 10:06am<b>iBanana151</b> - the 07/14/2014 at 11:07pm<b>Unkreative</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 2:46pm<b>RivalSeal</b> - the 05/19/2014 at 11:04am<b>bingo__O</b> - the 05/17/2014 at 11:20am<b>missmandersxoxo</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 3:09am<b>Fuzzbig</b> - the 04/14/2014 at 11:32pm

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/14/2015 at 12:45pm

UnearthlyEnemy's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of UnearthlyEnemy's badges

UnearthlyEnemy's favorite FMLs

Today, it was my very last day teaching my dance class. After the class ended, the owner of the studio started clapping and told all my students to give me a hug. No one hugged me. No one. FML

by funnygirl018 / 05/28/2013 at 6:14pm / United States / Work

Today, my girlfriend decided to wake me up from a nap by kissing me. I started kissing her back passionately, when she slapped me. Apparently, kissing her back automatically without "confirming her identity" counts as cheating. FML

by Anonymous / 05/26/2013 at 8:21pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I got dragged along to a family dinner. Some idiot invited my douchebag vegan uncle, who spent half the night making condescending remarks and lecturing us on how disgusting it was to have steak on offer at the table. A fistfight eventually erupted, and the cops were called. FML

by Anonymous / 05/26/2013 at 12:56pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was sent to group therapy. A girl spent twenty minutes telling us horrible details of having been raised incestuously. A side effect of my new medication is yawning. FML

Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML

by halliemarie1818 / 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm / United States / Animals

Today, I decided to be playful and leave my girlfriend flowers and chocolates from an "Anonymous Admirer". She immediately dumped me, saying she couldn't be with someone who "isn't even as romantic as a stranger". Yep, I think I just got dumped for myself. FML

by BestBF / 04/23/2013 at 7:22pm / United States (Nebraska) / Love

Today, I discovered why my boss kept on scheduling me to work doubles almost every day. It wasn't because she knew I needed the extra money; she was hoping that my boyfriend would break up with me because I'm never home, and date her instead. It worked. FML

by mybossisanass / 04/23/2013 at 4:17am / United States / Love

Today, I walked in on my brother giving his best friend a hand-job. I can't unsee this. FML

Today, after a few weeks of my friends pestering me to spend time with a mutual friend, I realized we had a lot in common. We both love shoes, peanut butter, and it appears that my boyfriend of three years is her boyfriend of four years. FML

by Stupid / 04/22/2013 at 2:58am / United States (Idaho) / Love

Today, I saw a woman in the neighbouring apartment taking a shower without pulling the blinds of her bathroom window. As a good Samaritan, I waved my arms to attract her attention that she forgot the blinds. She noticed me, opened the window, did a weird boob dance and middle fingered me. FML

by Magicali / 04/21/2013 at 10:56pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend from high school contacted me, telling me we should hang out some time; I casually agreed. Two hours later she's on my doorstep in tears, wanting me to take her back. She's married with kids. I live four states away and haven't a clue how she found out where I live. FML

by Anonymous / 04/21/2013 at 7:26pm / United States / Love

Today, I was told that I don't meet the minimum requirements for a job I applied for. I currently hold the same job, at the same facility, but just wanted a day shift. Apparently I'm not qualified for the job I've had for 2 and a half years. FML

by Anonymous / 04/21/2013 at 6:56pm / United States / Work

Today, I learned two things. First, my girlfriend loves sex. Second, I'm practically the only one she hasn't had sex with in the 2 months we've been dating. FML

by rawdoglyfe69 / 04/17/2013 at 2:14am / United States (Montana) / Love

Today, a girl punched me square in the face, effectively leaving it with purple swellings because I called her boyfriend an "uncle". Said boyfriend IS my uncle. FML

Today, my little sister figured out how to use the printer. I came home to pictures of Nicolas Cage all over my room. FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2013 at 5:22am / United States (New York) / Kids