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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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UnearthlyEnemy

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UnearthlyEnemy
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2765
  • Number of comments : 90
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

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UnearthlyEnemy's favorite FMLs

Today, my misanthropic malcontent of a son smashed my air freshener and turned my faulty lava lamp on in a twisted act of rebellion. The bottom of the lamp broke and got wax everywhere. My room now smells like cinnamon, with a hint of freshly embalmed corpse. FML

#19066178 (148)

I agree, your life sucks (4234) - you deserved it (694)

On 02/13/2012 at 4:31pm - kids - by Username - India

Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML

#19064063 (198)

I agree, your life sucks (4482) - you deserved it (780)

On 02/13/2012 at 8:37am - intimacy - by lotrgeek (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at a choir convention, and everyone sings the national anthem outside their rooms each night. I was not informed and took a shower. My roommates opened the door, yanked me out, and locked me out of the room to sing wearing just a towel. The guy down the hall was video taping it. FML

#19054485 (100)

I agree, your life sucks (3223) - you deserved it (872)

On 02/12/2012 at 3:07am - misc - by TowelSinger (woman) -

Today, I had to call AAA for the fifth time in two months. When the driver got out, I instantly recognized him. It was the same guy who helped me out all the previous occasions. When he saw me, he snorted and doubled over laughing. FML

#19048671 (92)

I agree, your life sucks (4592) - you deserved it (1254)

On 02/11/2012 at 1:35pm - misc - by big steve (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my mom friended all my friends on Facebook then thought it'd be a good idea to try and act like a teen so she'd be considered 'cool'. FML

#18989889 (103)

I agree, your life sucks (7203) - you deserved it (661)

On 02/04/2012 at 3:13am - misc - by lrgenesis - United States (Oregon)

Today, I received a single, handmade valentines card from the weirdest kid in the school. It said, "If you ever get mauled by a bear, I hope he doesn't damage your face." FML

#18988741 (253)

I agree, your life sucks (6868) - you deserved it (1464)

On 02/04/2012 at 12:12am - love - by Jayde - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom was freaking out about me handling a CD-ROM with my bare hands. When I asked her what all the commotion was about, she said she was worried that I would catch "one of those computer viruses" she'd heard about on the news. FML

#18974920 (249)

I agree, your life sucks (26774) - you deserved it (1456)

On 02/02/2012 at 6:32am - misc - by aliezzedine (man) - Lebanon

Today, I was breaking into a house when three police cruisers pulled up. They ran my social, my license plates, and asked me twenty minutes worth of questions, before allowing me to go back to work. I work as a locksmith; the homeowner had lost their keys. FML

#18968105 (151)

I agree, your life sucks (23884) - you deserved it (1936)

On 02/01/2012 at 11:11am - work - by ABBenzin (man) - United States

Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML

#18967800 (213)

I agree, your life sucks (11353) - you deserved it (1071)

On 02/01/2012 at 10:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I submitted my 208th job application in less than a year, and went to my 83rd and 84th interviews, only to be told once again that I'm over-qualified for the first, and under-qualified for the second. FML

#18960811 (121)

I agree, your life sucks (8647) - you deserved it (486)

On 01/31/2012 at 1:45pm - work - by hastobeajoke (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my little brother went through all the artistic anatomy reference books and colored in all the nipples and penises with a bright pink sharpie. These books were from the library. FML

#18957870 (86)

I agree, your life sucks (6198) - you deserved it (684)

On 01/31/2012 at 12:16am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

#18954927 (302)

I agree, your life sucks (17785) - you deserved it (2858)

On 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm - intimacy - by ugh (man) - United States

Today, I drove home from work, only to find both my next-door neighbours loudly arguing in the middle of my driveway. I got out and asked them what the hell was going on, only to find out one of their inbred kids had put a brick through my back window, and each is claiming the other did it. FML

#18954545 (99)

I agree, your life sucks (5960) - you deserved it (515)

On 01/30/2012 at 6:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I arrived at the pizza place I work at to find that I'd been fired. Apparently, the class stoner came in last night and not only demanded a free pizza, but also claimed that I always gave him one. I've never talked to this kid in my life, but my boss still doesn't believe me. FML

#18947150 (89)

I agree, your life sucks (7222) - you deserved it (494)

On 01/29/2012 at 9:36pm - work - by LowerCrust (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was watching a movie in the basement with my boyfriend when we started to get a little frisky. My mom walks down with dirty laundry and tells him to stop it because I'm creaming all over my undies. She showed him a pair of dirty ones to prove it. FML

#18937632 (267)

I agree, your life sucks (10194) - you deserved it (1655)

On 01/28/2012 at 9:34pm - intimacy - by Tiana - Canada (Ontario)