UncleMuscles

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UncleMuscles

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 562
  • Number of comments : 70
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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UncleMuscles's page activity

Visits<b>Bush_Did_711</b> - the 02/02/2016 at 8:51am<b>clairedabear</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 9:39am<b>NicoleB95</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 2:06am<b>infinitegrace</b> - the 03/30/2014 at 9:47pm<b>SurfingPichu</b> - the 12/30/2013 at 12:18am<b>Jiplo</b> - the 10/24/2013 at 10:51pm<b>graceinsheepwear</b> - the 10/16/2013 at 2:31am<b>nickdunbar</b> - the 08/24/2013 at 1:16pm<b>Radez</b> - the 07/19/2013 at 11:18pm<b>Orchard</b> - the 07/11/2013 at 5:41pm<b>KawaiiCupcake</b> - the 05/12/2013 at 3:02pm<b>TheForgetfulOne</b> - the 05/07/2013 at 1:16am<b>Danielle7994</b> - the 04/27/2013 at 1:58am<b>monkeyforehead</b> - the 04/02/2013 at 6:51pm<b>lilikawaii</b> - the 03/06/2013 at 8:49am<b>Habu987</b> - the 03/05/2013 at 9:04pm<b>ButterflyLadyBug</b> - the 03/05/2013 at 5:44pm<b>david008</b> - the 03/05/2013 at 4:04pm

UncleMuscles's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

See all of UncleMuscles's badges

UncleMuscles's favorite FMLs

Today, the guy I like and his friend came home with me to work on a project. I opened my front door and my mum was at the top of the stairs completely naked, bent over, drying her hair with the hairdryer. It took a few moments for her to realise we were there. FML

by Anonymous / 02/13/2013 at 6:47am / United Kingdom (North Ayrshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found my childhood diary stashed in a box in the attic. I flipped to the last page and noticed a little note written by my now deceased father. It read, "Well son, this diary proves that you're a whiny asshole - Dad." Thanks Dad, from beyond the grave. FML

by Anonymous / 11/12/2012 at 9:47pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered "cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML

by Anonymous / 11/03/2012 at 2:02pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, she asked me to whisper her name. Apparently, her name is not Kate. FML

by you / 10/30/2012 at 3:46pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend what she got me for my half birthday, to which she replied "A baby." She was serious. FML

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend, when things got a little frisky and we started making out. It was my first time French-kissing, and apparently he has a very sensitive gag reflex, because the moment my tongue went in, he started retching, and vomited moments later. FML

by Anonymous / 10/26/2012 at 5:59pm / Switzerland (Zurich) / Love

Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML

by thebeachisthatway / 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I received another death threat for teaching evolution in college. I'm a geology teacher. FML

by satanworshipper / 10/18/2012 at 12:58am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I woke up after having a dream which included sex with a very hot guy. I realized it's about time I get laid, because the hot guy was Brock from Pokémon. FML

by L / 10/16/2012 at 6:59pm / Norway (Sor-Trondelag) / Intimacy

Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML

by Failed Parent / 10/11/2012 at 2:59am / United States / Kids

Today, my boss fired me because of the way I laugh. Apparently it reminds him too much of his ex-wife's laugh. I'm a guy. FML

by Johnnogood / 10/09/2012 at 9:57am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I found out that when my girlfriend said she gave up sex for lent, it was just with me and not my brother. FML

by ohno / 03/25/2012 at 9:11am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my wife of 5 years has decided to change everything: job, clothes, hair style, car, and me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2012 at 2:47am / United States / Love

Today, I got screamed at, threatened, cursed, and spat on by an elderly couple for "running them off the road". I was driving an ambulance, lights and sirens on, with a 4 year old in the back who couldn't breathe. They were going 20 in a 50mph zone for 2 miles straight. FML

by Sedici / 12/18/2011 at 2:44am / United States / Transportation

Today, I asked my friend what form of birth control she used the first time she had sex. She stared at me like I was from another planet and said, "You can't get pregnant the first time..." This moron is my best friend. FML

by Thatslife / 03/26/2011 at 3:29pm / Netherlands (Friesland) / Intimacy