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Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
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Today, the guy I like and his friend came home with me to work on a project. I opened my front door and my mum was at the top of the stairs completely naked, bent over, drying her hair with the hairdryer. It took a few moments for her to realise we were there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25577) - you deserved it (1683)
On 02/13/2013 at 6:47am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (North Ayrshire)
Today, I found my childhood diary stashed in a box in the attic. I flipped to the last page and noticed a little note written by my now deceased father. It read, "Well son, this diary proves that you're a whiny asshole - Dad." Thanks Dad, from beyond the grave. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17495) - you deserved it (3268)
On 11/12/2012 at 9:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered "cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23694) - you deserved it (2245)
On 11/03/2012 at 2:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, she asked me to whisper her name. Apparently, her name is not Kate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7020) - you deserved it (50213)
On 10/30/2012 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by you (man) - United Kingdom
Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend what she got me for my half birthday, to which she replied "A baby." She was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8537) - you deserved it (16080)
On 10/29/2012 at 2:10pm - kids - by JiggaJayZ - United States
Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend, when things got a little frisky and we started making out. It was my first time French-kissing, and apparently he has a very sensitive gag reflex, because the moment my tongue went in, he started retching, and vomited moments later. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17444) - you deserved it (2165)
On 10/26/2012 at 5:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Switzerland (Zurich)
Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22231) - you deserved it (3160)
On 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm - kids - by thebeachisthatway (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I received another death threat for teaching evolution in college. I'm a geology teacher. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18679) - you deserved it (1529)
On 10/18/2012 at 12:58am - work - by satanworshipper - United States (Florida)
Today, I woke up after having a dream which included sex with a very hot guy. I realized it's about time I get laid, because the hot guy was Brock from Pokémon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19918) - you deserved it (4038)
On 10/16/2012 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by L (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)
Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16094) - you deserved it (2736)
On 10/11/2012 at 2:59am - kids - by Failed Parent - United States
Today, my boss fired me because of the way I laugh. Apparently it reminds him too much of his ex-wife's laugh. I'm a guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18877) - you deserved it (1489)
On 10/09/2012 at 9:57am - work - by Johnnogood (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I found out that when my girlfriend said she gave up sex for lent, it was just with me and not my brother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29987) - you deserved it (1714)
On 03/25/2012 at 9:11am - intimacy - by ohno - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I found out that my wife of 5 years has decided to change everything: job, clothes, hair style, car, and me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24239) - you deserved it (1951)
On 01/06/2012 at 2:47am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I got screamed at, threatened, cursed, and spat on by an elderly couple for "running them off the road". I was driving an ambulance, lights and sirens on, with a 4 year old in the back who couldn't breathe. They were going 20 in a 50mph zone for 2 miles straight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40323) - you deserved it (1581)
On 12/18/2011 at 2:44am - work - by Sedici - United States
Today, I asked my friend what form of birth control she used the first time she had sex. She stared at me like I was from another planet and said, "You can't get pregnant the first time..." This moron is my best friend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38931) - you deserved it (6655)
On 03/26/2011 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Thatslife (woman) - Netherlands (Friesland)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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