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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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UnCensoredBitch

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UnCensoredBitch
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 49840
  • Number of comments : 51
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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UnCensoredBitch's favorite FMLs

Today, I bought a new mailbox to replace the old one that was stolen. Two hours after I put the new mailbox up, the old one was back and the new one was missing. FML

#3051580 (153)

I agree, your life sucks (46528) - you deserved it (2104)

On 06/20/2009 at 2:01am - misc - by Dumbass - United States (Florida)

Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML

#2812014 (269)

I agree, your life sucks (73322) - you deserved it (13616)

On 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm - misc - by NoBalls (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was at the extremely crowded gym when someone came up behind me and shouted in my ear scaring the living shit out of me. I jump into a karate pose in front of everyone. No one was behind me. It was a new song starting on my headphones. A trainer asked me if I needed an ambulance. FML

#2514787 (231)

I agree, your life sucks (22286) - you deserved it (46277)

On 06/01/2009 at 9:53pm - health - by dearme (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later, they called back and I told her that she had the wrong number. She said she just hit redial and didn't understand how she got me again. I tried to explain how redial works. She called me a moron and hung up. Then my phone rang again. FML

#1872793 (230)

I agree, your life sucks (75187) - you deserved it (3288)

On 05/12/2009 at 1:39pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was eating a hamburger on the street when a pigeon came down to take a bite. I ran and got 30 birds or so chasing me. My legs were burning, half of my burger was gone, and an entire office building was laughing at me. FML

#1216393 (132)

I agree, your life sucks (43481) - you deserved it (6426)

On 04/22/2009 at 6:40am - animals - by fencernick (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was going home with the tomato plant I just bought in my cup holder. The smell of it was filling the car and I love the smell so I picked it up and took a wiff. A few moments later I got pulled over. Apparantly, the cop saw me sniff it and thought I was smelling a marijuana plant. FML

#1175700 (94)

I agree, your life sucks (37049) - you deserved it (5503)

On 04/20/2009 at 10:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, brand new cocktail dress: $300. Matching peep toe heels: $100. Getting my hair done at the salon: $80. Treating myself to a mani/pedi: $50. When finally meeting the guy I have been chatting online with for 2 months, I find out hes my cousin: priceless. FML

#902467 (313)

I agree, your life sucks (119978) - you deserved it (40191)

On 04/10/2009 at 2:42pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was riding on a stationary exercise bike at home, when I went to get off, my shorts got stuck under the seat. I dangled half upside down until my shorts ripped and I fell on the ground face first breaking my front tooth. I broke my tooth riding a bike that doesn’t even move. FML

#897879 (95)

I agree, your life sucks (47333) - you deserved it (6717)

On 04/10/2009 at 4:17am - misc - by missy (woman) - Italy (Toscana)

Today, I got back my math test. Instead of taking the time to mark the mistakes, my professor just circled the bottom half of the page and wrote "OMG." FML

#853708 (244)

I agree, your life sucks (176) - you deserved it (18649)

On 04/07/2009 at 2:37pm - work - by aviators (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

#761206 (480)

I agree, your life sucks (167989) - you deserved it (51072)

On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses. When I woke up in the morning, I came out of his room and forcefully kicked what I thought was a soccer ball on the floor. Turns out it was his miniature poodle - it fell down a long flight of stairs. FML

#459087 (289)

I agree, your life sucks (20726) - you deserved it (75036)

On 03/19/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by JohnMackSquirts (man) - United States (California)