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Ultradmac's favorite FMLs
Today, my family and I were driving and we passed a strip club called DB's Golden Banana. My 5-year-old sister asked what it was, so my dad said it was a place where people dance. Now my sister keeps telling people she wants to be a dancer at DB's Golden Banana. FML
by tycrist8 / 06/26/2015 at 7:32pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by Nope / 06/26/2015 at 5:46pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by thatguy8878 / 06/26/2015 at 4:41pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
Today, our outgoing boss told us about guy who's replacing him, saying he's very nice but very anal about things. Without thinking, I shrugged and said "Anal's not bad." Now everyone's calling me Anal-Girl. FML
by very analytical / 06/26/2015 at 3:56pm / United States (Kentucky) / Work
Today, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and told him not to come home again. Why? I started watching some porn on my computer, forgetting I was still connected to the bluetooth speakers in the living room. My mom thought it was my dad, and I didn't have the balls to admit the truth. FML
by Anonymous / 06/26/2015 at 2:08pm / Russian Federation (Moscow City) / Miscellaneous
Today, I accidentally posted an extensive, negative review of the gynecologist I visited earlier this week. I messed up and posted it from my work's customer service email, so now it looks like the large, well-known company I work for had a poor gynecological experience. FML
by AshWil / 06/26/2015 at 12:54pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Work
by maggieyokoi / 06/15/2015 at 3:11pm / Kids
Today, after 5 years in a row of my family doing absolutely nothing to even acknowledge my birthday, I got train tickets to see my boyfriend for the weekend and celebrate with him. I woke up to 6 angry texts about how I'm 'selfish' for not staying at home with my family. FML
by happy21sttome / 06/15/2015 at 9:39am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I opened my front door to be greeted by what I can only describe as the stink of death. After moving furniture and lifting floorboards, frantically searching for whatever had died, I finally discovered the actual source of the stench - my girlfriend's feet. FML
by Gagging / 06/15/2015 at 7:57am / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was drying myself with a towel after a shower when I noticed a bad smell. After running out of toilet paper last night, one of my friends decided to use my clean towel to wipe herself instead. FML
by Anonymous / 06/14/2015 at 10:54pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by thanks for the $5 gift voucher / 06/13/2015 at 12:34pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
Today, I started my new job at a haunted house. I figured I'd change clothes when I got home, since my bloody shirt and zombie makeup were blatantly just an outfit. I barely made it 10 minutes before I was pinned to the ground at gunpoint, cuffed, and needing new underwear. FML
by Anonymous / 06/13/2015 at 11:47am / United States (Arkansas) / Work
Today, my neighbor's son siphoned the fuel out of my lawn mower and put it in his car. What he didn't realize is that the fuel mixture I use in my lawn mower would ruin his car engine. His dad says it's my fault and actually insists I should pay his pissant son's repair bill. FML
by Anonymous / 06/13/2015 at 8:42am / United States (Maryland) / Money
by Anonymous / 06/04/2015 at 9:07pm / United States (Indiana) / Work
Today, I told my boyfriend I was horny and was waiting for him at my place. 30 minutes later, he still hadn't arrived, so I called him and asked if he was coming. He replied "Already did, right into a kleenex." and hung up. FML
by Anonymous / 06/04/2015 at 8:26am / United States (California) / Intimacy