Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Ultradmac

Offline (the 01/23/2015 at 7:42pm) | Search for a member

Ultradmac

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 18 September 1993 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1252
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

Ultradmac's page activity

Visits<b>SiRiSpartan</b> - the 10/24/2014 at 2:24pm<b>kingdomgirl123</b> - the 10/19/2014 at 2:39am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/28/2014 at 1:04am<b>sdess</b> - the 07/17/2013 at 4:39pm<b>lennelleong</b> - the 06/19/2013 at 10:28pm<b>SuperdudeGuy</b> - the 02/01/2013 at 8:18pm<b>laurenxxxhacker</b> - the 01/31/2013 at 8:10pm<b>Gestpacho88</b> - the 01/31/2013 at 2:37pm

Ultradmac's FML badges

A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of Ultradmac's badges

Ultradmac's favorite FMLs

Today, I called a suicide prevention hotline. The guy who picked up sounded drunk, told me to fuck off, and hung up. FML

#21342247
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34798) - you deserved it (2957)

On 01/22/2015 at 12:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was having a cheat meal after 2 weeks of strict dieting. When I opened the pizza box, I saw a cockroach. It'd been baked into the cheese. FML

#21332565
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34330) - you deserved it (6654)

On 01/07/2015 at 7:11am - misc - by ijustwantpizza - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got stuck in an elevator. I called the fire department and told them where I was. They said they'd be right there and not to panic. It's hour 6. FML

#21332463
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33067) - you deserved it (2035)

On 01/07/2015 at 1:03am - health - by random875 - United States (Maryland)

Today, I woke up after a night of New Year's Eve partying. I remember the night going great. What I don't remember is laying naked in the shower while my girlfriend ran water over my body to make me feel better. I also made my own funeral plans because I was convinced I was going to die. FML

#21328812
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24814) - you deserved it (6663)

On 01/01/2015 at 6:02pm - misc - by CK95 - United States

Today, my boyfriend finally played the new guitar I bought to replace the one he broke. He used a $1000 guitar to play me a moving song about my butt. FML

#21328639
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23852) - you deserved it (4651)

On 01/01/2015 at 1:16pm - love - by ButtWorthSingingBout (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my proposal to my girlfriend was supposed to be exactly when the ball dropped at midnight. Unfortunately my mother called her at 11:55pm to ask her if she liked the ring. FML

#21328278
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40197) - you deserved it (3195)

On 01/01/2015 at 12:47am - love - by Proposal Fail - United States (New York)

Today, I got a letter from my long time boyfriend asking me to meet him at the place we first met for a "surprise". I can't remember where that even is. FML

#21327916
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26559) - you deserved it (10621)

On 12/31/2014 at 3:59pm - love - by lunab123 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found out my 7-year-old daughter really did lie about my husband's "other girlfriend" as revenge for being grounded, and that he never cheated on me at all. We're well into our divorce proceedings and he won't forgive me for not believing him when he denied it. FML

#21327839
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23313) - you deserved it (42254)

On 12/31/2014 at 2:00pm - kids - by skanula414 (woman) - Sweden (Skane Lan)

Today, I was trying on wedding dresses with my future sister-in-law who is a little bigger than me. We tried on a similar dress and she said it looked better on me because I'm skinny. Instead of saying, 'No way' or 'It looks great on you', I accidentally said 'Yeah, I know'. FML

#21327629
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17900) - you deserved it (30613)

On 12/31/2014 at 2:47am - health - by bridezilla - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my elderly neighbour told me why my other neighbours don't talk to me. I'm a massage/physical therapist and treat clients, mostly athletes, in my home. My neighbours saw the steady stream of young, buff guys coming to my house and concluded that I'm a gay prostitute. FML

#21327463
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33130) - you deserved it (2636)

On 12/30/2014 at 10:34pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my coworker pointed to our nervous new intern and asked who he was. I jokingly said, "Can't you tell? He's our new slave." I then quickly realized how bad that sounded, given the intern is black. FML

#21327404
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26582) - you deserved it (15565)

On 12/30/2014 at 8:39pm - work - by smooth - United States

Today, I felt a horrible pain while having sex with my wife, and I had to stop. I thought it was a hernia or something, but she called me a liar and accused me of everything from not finding her attractive, to me cheating on her. It turned out I had appendicitis. She still won't apologize. FML

#21319192
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39703) - you deserved it (2548)

On 12/17/2014 at 3:09pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML

#21319149
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29914) - you deserved it (5712)

On 12/17/2014 at 1:47pm - misc - by RIP Turd (peacebeuponit) (man) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)

Today, I decided to splurge and get valet parking at a fancy restaurant. I got out of the car and gave the man my keys and watched as he slowly backed my car into another car. FML

#21319039
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32570) - you deserved it (3099)

On 12/17/2014 at 8:33am - misc - by seriously - United States (Illinois)

Today, my classmate said I looked better without makeup. Well, her exact words were, "You look like less of a whore without makeup." FML



Idan Schneider's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Idan Schneider's illustrated FML
  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

Thursday 22 January 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: