Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 27 February 1985 (31 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1999
  • Number of comments : 211
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Ultimate_Cynic : Chain-smoking male chauvinist pig, and damn proud of it.

My titles include but are not limited to: Fresh Prince of Midgar, Commander of the Grammar Luftwaffe, and King of the Seas.

Secretly waiting for the day someone adds me as a "Favourite FML Poster," so that I can claim to be too cool to care about that kind of thing.

Further information available upon request, because I don't trust you.

Ultimate_Cynic's page activity

Visits<b>Maximusmime</b> - the 07/04/2016 at 4:00pm<b>SleepyPharma</b> - the 06/11/2016 at 1:31am<b>Noelletakumi</b> - the 04/17/2016 at 3:40am<b>SixthSinEnvy</b> - the 02/19/2016 at 4:25pm<b>Death_The_Kid15</b> - the 08/11/2015 at 3:24pm<b>MarjigglyTyrell</b> - the 03/09/2015 at 11:32pm<b>xx_ginny</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 3:58pm<b>Tiaxlnr</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 7:17am<b>Chelseyy52</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 11:19am<b>Tezoma</b> - the 06/21/2014 at 3:35pm<b>yoursmileishawt</b> - the 04/21/2014 at 4:39pm<b>melons</b> - the 03/18/2014 at 7:43pm<b>swick25</b> - the 02/27/2014 at 10:32pm<b>Waspinator1998</b> - the 01/22/2014 at 12:22am<b>zawesomee</b> - the 08/19/2013 at 6:35am<b>LittlestPrincess</b> - the 08/02/2013 at 3:36pm<b>beehardxcore</b> - the 12/23/2012 at 11:14pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:53pm

Ultimate_Cynic's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Ultimate_Cynic's favorite FMLs

Today, I was trying to take the cap off a can of spray cooking oil. It was really stuck so I pulled extra hard. It flew off and I punched myself in the head. I also sprayed myself in the eye with it. The lump on my forehead and my swollen shut eye make me look like Popeye, but I'm a girl. FML

by popeye / 02/25/2010 at 10:18am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on Craigslist looking for a new guitar. I found the diamond earrings and necklace set I gave to my girlfriend last year. She wants 50 bucks for them. FML

by Anonymous / 02/02/2010 at 7:12pm / United States (Nevada) / Love

Today, I had my cigs tucked into my waistband because my shorts didn't have pockets. A friend walks up and asks for a smoke. I say "I've got something you can smoke right here", tugging at my shorts. The "friend" then kicks me in the nuts for being a douche. FML

by wishihadpockets / 01/28/2010 at 5:24am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was letting my boyfriend of 4 years tie me up and do stuff to me. After finishing on my face, he then left. My parents had to untie me. FML

by chanclepants / 01/27/2010 at 8:35am / Intimacy

Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML

by Jon / 01/18/2010 at 3:26pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I showered, I sneezed, hit my face on the wall, got shampoo in my eyes, slipped on a bar of soap, bashed my head on the wall as I fell, grabbed at the walls to stop me from falling and happened to turn off the cold water, scorching me. FML

by Concussed / 01/17/2010 at 1:22am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, I was on the computer in the library on campus. I was facebook stalking this really cute girl that I often see on campus. As I'm looking at her profile pictures, I turn around and the girl is standing right behind me. She gave me a disgusted look and walked off. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2010 at 12:10am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my boyfriend was going to propose to me about three months ago. I was completely surprised and asked why he didn't. At that time, I had told him to stop looking at me like that and go buy me some damn tacos. I was 2 months pregnant then. Now he wants to wait a couple of years. FML

by cowgurl91 / 01/13/2010 at 4:40pm / Love

Today, I realized that I will never be able to buy the car I've wanted since middle school. The car? A greyish-silver Volvo, which is the make and color of car Kurt Cobain drove. The reason? I've been informed that it's also the make and color of the car that Edward Cullen drives in Twilight. FML

by coinoperatedgirl / 01/10/2010 at 8:04pm / United States (Minnesota) / Geek

Today, I got a call from my girlfriend of 13 months. She told me that she had gotten chlamydia from the guy she cheated on me with, and that I most likely have it too. I gave her a diamond ring, she gave me chlamydia. FML

by Godi / 12/10/2009 at 2:00pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy