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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Ultimate_Cynic

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Ultimate_Cynic
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 26 February 1985 (26 years)
  • Number of visits : 1295
  • Number of comments : 211
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Ultimate_Cynic : Chain-smoking male chauvinist pig, and damn proud of it.

My titles include but are not limited to: Fresh Prince of Midgar, Commander of the Grammar Luftwaffe, and King of the Seas.

Secretly waiting for the day someone adds me as a "Favourite FML Poster," so that I can claim to be too cool to care about that kind of thing.

Further information available upon request, because I don't trust you.

Ultimate_Cynic's last visitors

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Ultimate_Cynic's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Ultimate_Cynic's favorite FMLs

Today, I was trying to take the cap off a can of spray cooking oil. It was really stuck so I pulled extra hard. It flew off and I punched myself in the head. I also sprayed myself in the eye with it. The lump on my forehead and my swollen shut eye make me look like Popeye, but I'm a girl. FML

#8636971 (76)

I agree, your life sucks (12513) - you deserved it (3346)

On 02/25/2010 at 10:18am - misc - by popeye (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was on Craigslist looking for a new guitar. I found the diamond earrings and necklace set I gave to my girlfriend last year. She wants 50 bucks for them. FML

#7821879 (100)

I agree, your life sucks (18477) - you deserved it (1386)

On 02/02/2010 at 7:12pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I had my cigs tucked into my waistband because my shorts didn't have pockets. A friend walks up and asks for a smoke. I say "I've got something you can smoke right here", tugging at my shorts. The "friend" then kicks me in the nuts for being a douche. FML

#7637016 (125)

I agree, your life sucks (5425) - you deserved it (25105)

On 01/28/2010 at 5:24am - misc - by wishihadpockets (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was letting my boyfriend of 4 years tie me up and do stuff to me. After finishing on my face, he then left. My parents had to untie me. FML

#7609277 (333)

I agree, your life sucks (30291) - you deserved it (8125)

On 01/27/2010 at 8:35am - intimacy - by chanclepants - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML

#7420693 (286)

I agree, your life sucks (38446) - you deserved it (5694)

On 01/18/2010 at 3:26pm - misc - by Jon (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, as I showered, I sneezed, hit my face on the wall, got shampoo in my eyes, slipped on a bar of soap, bashed my head on the wall as I fell, grabbed at the walls to stop me from falling and happened to turn off the cold water, scorching me. FML

#7391699 (210)

I agree, your life sucks (35945) - you deserved it (3949)

On 01/17/2010 at 1:22am - health - by Concussed (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was on the computer in the library on campus. I was facebook stalking this really cute girl that I often see on campus. As I'm looking at her profile pictures, I turn around and the girl is standing right behind me. She gave me a disgusted look and walked off. FML

#7331579 (110)

I agree, your life sucks (5312) - you deserved it (25941)

On 01/14/2010 at 12:10am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend was going to propose to me about three months ago. I was completely surprised and asked why he didn't. At that time, I had told him to stop looking at me like that and go buy me some damn tacos. I was 2 months pregnant then. Now he wants to wait a couple of years. FML

#7321646 (236)

I agree, your life sucks (6819) - you deserved it (24421)

On 01/13/2010 at 4:40pm - love - by cowgurl91 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I realized that I will never be able to buy the car I've wanted since middle school. The car? A greyish-silver Volvo, which is the make and color of car Kurt Cobain drove. The reason? I've been informed that it's also the make and color of the car that Edward Cullen drives in Twilight. FML

#7264134 (369)

I agree, your life sucks (24056) - you deserved it (6759)

On 01/10/2010 at 8:04pm - misc - by coinoperatedgirl (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I got a call from my girlfriend of 13 months. She told me that she had gotten chlamydia from the guy she cheated on me with, and that I most likely have it too. I gave her a diamond ring, she gave me chlamydia. FML

#6694429 (69)

I agree, your life sucks (18465) - you deserved it (1496)

On 12/10/2009 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by Godi (man) - United States (Ohio)