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UltimateTanMan

Offline (the 09/18/2014 at 1:13am) | Search for a member

UltimateTanMan

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 16 July 1997 (17 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 230
  • Number of comments : 7
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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Visits<b>jadeluv</b> - the 10/15/2013 at 4:29am

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UltimateTanMan's favorite FMLs

Today, I was trying on bikinis at a local store. When I put my pants back on, my foot got stuck, I tripped and fell through the curtain of the fitting room, topless. FML

#21176636
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53169) - you deserved it (7424)

On 06/16/2014 at 11:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Germany

Today, one of my year 9 students finished the test an hour early. He decided to spend the time by "stealthily" whacking off. His entire desk was shaking in a silent room. FML

Today, my Game of Thrones addicted girlfriend decided to name my penis Tyrion Lannister. FML

#21101155
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41353) - you deserved it (6800)

On 03/31/2014 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by off to the whorehouse, then (man) - United Kingdom (Brighton and Hove)

Today, my 6-year-old son was so angry at me for not buying him overpriced candy at the airport, that he told a security guard I had a machine gun in my suitcase. The interrogation was not pleasant. FML

#20703790
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60811) - you deserved it (7619)

On 06/03/2013 at 5:16pm - kids - by VDM (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I witnessed a large woman pee on a pregnancy test in the middle of a Walmart parking lot, clean herself off, then wander around with the test hanging out of her mouth, waiting for her result. Where in the name of Christ do these people come from? FML

#20701323
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68033) - you deserved it (4151)

On 06/02/2013 at 2:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML

#20698637
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65582) - you deserved it (18705)

On 06/01/2013 at 1:09am - intimacy - by Samprib (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, thanks to an idiotic, "hilariously edgy" advert that screened in the very early evening, my 6-year-old son keeps repeating the phrase "I want a vasectomy" to everyone he sees. I've never received so many dirty looks in my life. FML

#20697858
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37812) - you deserved it (4127)

On 05/31/2013 at 6:25pm - kids - by theybitchaboutgnomesbutnotthis?? (man) - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML

#20695159
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62322) - you deserved it (4986)

On 05/30/2013 at 12:29pm - kids - by life insurance for 1 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with my sister, due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about butt fucking. FML

#20624720
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49275) - you deserved it (4655)

On 04/27/2013 at 8:42am - health - by seekerglow176 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a classmate posted a recording of a recent lecture on my university's Facebook page, so we could listen again and take notes at home. A few minutes in, I heard myself asking a question. I then heard snorting and some girl muttering "dumb cunt" under her breath. FML

#20524519
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33603) - you deserved it (3880)

On 02/27/2013 at 3:52pm - misc - by DumbCuntApparently (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, on my way to work, I hit a pothole about the size of Alabama, bending my wheel and flattening my tire. After changing it and having to explain myself to my furious boss, I went back on that road in my other car to take a picture of the pothole. While looking for it, I hit it again. FML

#20487332
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14825) - you deserved it (37509)

On 01/31/2013 at 6:34am - money - by Well... fuck me sideways and call me Eustace (man) - United States (California)

Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to hide, and then surprise me by jumping out of his hiding place. It was quite a surprise when he launched himself out of my bag during class. FML

#20483320
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45436) - you deserved it (5932) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/28/2013 at 2:52pm - animals - by Kitten_Love - Sent from mobile version

Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML

#20466884
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34638) - you deserved it (3393)

On 01/18/2013 at 8:32pm - misc - by methane overload (man) - United States

Today, my wife wants to name our first child Siri, after the iPhone function. FML

#20182157
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25282) - you deserved it (2418)

On 11/28/2012 at 1:06am - misc - by boo8713 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend started watching The Big Bang Theory on DVD. Now he won't stop saying "Bazinga" every time he says or hears something that sounds funny. It's so annoying I want to feed him to the neighbor's dog. FML

#20182095
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18739) - you deserved it (4289)

On 11/28/2012 at 12:15am - misc - by FUSheldon (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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