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UltimateGIRness

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UltimateGIRness
  • Town/Country : Summerville, GA, U.S.A
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 830
  • Number of comments : 156
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About UltimateGIRness : I am a true southern sweetheart. I don't wear makeup or obsess over guys like most girls my age (13) I show goats for the Chattooga county FFA and I have never seen a stranger. I literally will talk to anyone about anythang( i even spent 40 minutes talking to a wrong number) Don't message cause I use the app. Bye now. Oh and side note: now that you have read this,we are best friends,you have no choice.

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UltimateGIRness's favorite FMLs

Today, I caught my brother whacking off with my expensive bottle of lotion. This might not have been quite so disturbing had he not been caught with his entire penis in the bottle. FML

#20117813
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31423) - you deserved it (2392)

On 10/15/2012 at 8:10am - intimacy - by scarred_sibling - United States

Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML

#20110144
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25639) - you deserved it (4523)

On 10/10/2012 at 4:43am - animals - by assholecat (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was sitting in the park with my new dog; I got her from the pound last week. We were enjoying the sun when I noticed that every time a black person walked past, she'd bark like crazy. Great, my dog is a racist. FML

#20097984
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22625) - you deserved it (2388)

On 10/02/2012 at 3:10am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my laptop got hit by a Trojan. Not the malware, but a used condom thrown from a car driving past as I sat on a street bench. FML

#20091945
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30069) - you deserved it (2173)

On 09/28/2012 at 4:24am - intimacy - by iNearlyHurled - United States

Today, the acne on one side of my face has flared up at the corners of my mouth, making me look just like The Joker. FML

Today, I went to my favorite bar after work for a drink. On my way to the porch out back, I didn't realize the sliding glass door was shut, and walked straight into it. I was stone cold sober, but the bartender refused to believe me, and cut me off before my first beer. FML

#20056910
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15438) - you deserved it (3418)

On 09/04/2012 at 12:03am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I thought I'd be spontanous and spice things up, and gave her a spank across the butt. She started crying. FML

#20051213
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23500) - you deserved it (14473)

On 08/31/2012 at 5:31pm - intimacy - by jon (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was with my grandma in my new car. She suddenly says, "I've got to pee bad." Without giving me enough time to find a gas station, she blurts out, "Never mind, I just did." FML

#19982859
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22784) - you deserved it (1489)

On 07/25/2012 at 2:10am - misc - by arw - United States

Today, I was listening to some Michael Jackson through my earphones when I saw this really cute girl. Trying to impress, I aproached her while doing some dance moves, not thinking about how unbelievably stupid it must have looked without the music. FML

#19913631
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6571) - you deserved it (29298)

On 07/09/2012 at 6:37am - misc - by Anonymous - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, if you live in California, you might have seen a crazy drunk guy naked in front of a McDonald's, waving at everyone. Yeah, that was probably me. FML

#19618137
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6182) - you deserved it (20667)

On 05/13/2012 at 6:30pm - misc - by smh (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went grocery shopping. As I was leaning in to pick up some produce, someone viciously slapped me on the butt. I whirled around and nobody was anywhere in sight. Now I'm starting to worry that I'm losing my mind. FML

#19517929
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20645) - you deserved it (2280)

On 04/23/2012 at 6:41pm - misc - by beleria (woman) - United States

Today, I got home to find our house broken into. Among other things, the thieves took our television, my laptop and several pieces of expensive jewelry. Also missing was my daughter's My Little Pony collection. I think we were robbed by a Brony. FML

#19450814
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22713) - you deserved it (1791)

On 04/11/2012 at 5:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I choked on a gummy bear and ended up in the emergency room. The first thing the doctor said to me was, "Well, that must have been 'beary' uncomfortable." The entire room burst into laughter. FML

#19222956
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23692) - you deserved it (7493)

On 03/05/2012 at 7:43pm - health - by Kayla - United States

Today, I had to give my husband a tutorial on how to use jumper cables. Confused and flustered, he requested written instructions. FML

#18975500
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17995) - you deserved it (2929)

On 02/02/2012 at 9:50am - misc - by MM (woman) -



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